So you want to know how to get back together after someone cheated. This is a tough one. Unfortunately, most women I know that have been here. Before I go any further, it would not be fair of me to tell you that you are going to get all of the answers to this one article.
Entire industries called family therapy have been built around this and much of the answer comes from you. I will certainly start to address the issue, in a way that gives you more clarity on what needs to happen if you really want to know how to get back together after someone cheated.
Was it you that cheated?
Was it your partner that cheated?
It makes a difference in the getting them back scenario.
In either case, you both have work to do. One of you needs to rebuild trust within that person, while the other of you needs to work on…trusting again. It’s not an easy thing.
The reason this one is so big is that it all boils down to that one little word, trust. When you think about it, it makes sense. Think of how this relationship progressed with that person. It took some time, months probably, maybe even years for some of you, to truly trust that person 100%. That’s how important trust is. And it is this trust that makes relationships work.
Unfortunately, when someone slips up in the way of cheating, that trust that took so long to build vanishes in the millisecond it takes for that person to find out. The true key to understanding how to get back together after someone cheated is re-establishing that trust. This is why an entire industry has been built around it. For some couples it will take years to rebuild.
And it will never be back entirely where it was before.
How do you get there? Honesty, accountability, and communication.
Accountability is the first big one in rebuilding trust. If the person that was cheated on, does not feel like the other person really owns up to the cheating, there will never be any trust rebuilt. It will be impossible.
Think about the last time a friend of yours damaged your trust in a small way. How the two of you progressed further, or did not, depended entirely on accountability. Was she sorry? Did she admit that she did it? Did she apologize?
If she did, you two are probably still friends today. If she didn’t, then you probably aren’t. Saying sorry and holding yourself accountable is the most difficult thing in the world for most of us to do. But when it comes to mistakes as big as cheating, it is an imperative first step in getting back or staying together with someone. If the person that was cheated on doesn’t see that happen, guess what? The relationship will not work. And if it does, it won’t work well.
This is where honesty and good communication go hand in hand. Again, the bulk of the work goes to the person that did the cheating. They need to be honest and upfront about every little detail that the other person is asking for. Without it, again, that trust can not grow. Honesty is the basis of trust, so if you don’t have it, then you just don’t have it.
Communicating all of these things in a calm, collected, and honest way where the offending party holds themselves accountable for another person’s way is the way to get back together after someone cheated. These are the building blocks you can start working on right now. These three things much work together. You can not change what you can not or will not acknowledge.
So unless some honest conversation comes into play, that trust can not be rebuilt. But if it does? You have a chance.
I have seen it happen over and over again.
Couples that love each other and truly respect each other enough to dig deep and get honest after cheating do stay together. It doesn’t happen overnight. And it does take some time. But if the two of you think you have something worth saving, then it’s definitely worth the effort.
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