We have all been in a situation where we want to know how to make him miss us, and we will do just about anything to reach that point. This is exactly why we get a lot of letters from women asking us how can we make him miss you without looking needy and desperate. Unfortunately, our emotions take over sometimes, and you work so hard to get your boyfriend back that what you end up doing is driving him farther away.
Then when that happens, you try and take even more desperate means to make him miss you or get your boyfriend back. It’s a vicious cycle. And none of it feels good. Relationships are supposed to feel good! And when they don’t, that’s when we start seeking relationship advice.
We have a reader who was in a relationship that appeared to have some regular and frequent problems. She feels like she drove him away, or was unhappy some of the time in a way that drove him away, and now she wants to know how to make him miss her. She’s doing very well in the sense that she knows she needs to engage the No Contact zone at this point, but has run into a bit of a pickle. She wants to know if it’s OK if her sister contact him for her, during the No Contact zone.
I think you all know what my answer this one is going to be.
The short answer? No.
If you are having someone else contact him for you during the No Contact zone, you are breaking the rules of the No Contact period. No Contact is No Contact, period. That means by you, by your sister, by your friend, by the pizza delivery guy, by anyone. But let’s have a look at this letter in more detail.
I’ve been with my bf for 4 years he decided to break up in one of the most difficult moment and also because of an argument during this moment. We have many argument but it never actually call quits it was more like a 2 hours no speaking moment. We have a lot of communication problems as in when there is a disagreement/argument he never wants to talk about it he just say he’s done with the relationship but he never really ends it.
I moved so we’ve spent this month would be 1 year away from each other. He has complained that I never smile around him which I do, I just have this natural look on my face that I’ve actually had/made all my life which makes look upset but I’m not along with other issues like telling him stop doing things that he’s always done even if it was a joke he claims it wasn’t. I have been a little more happier now than before I moved. Is there hope that we can be together again.
I’m doing the No Contact period it’s been a week. But I also asked my sister to ask him what’s going on with us he said he doesn’t want to talk about it and we’re done but he told me to promise him to always be together no matter what, and that I was the only female he ever loved like he loved me if you get what I mean. Is he just hurt and there’s hope, he just need space or should i stop fighting? Monifah
Happiness is a choice.
The first thing I want to say to our friend, is that what I can see clearly from this letter is that there is a deep sense of dissatisfaction in this relationship. I do not know if this is an overall sense of dissatisfaction in life in general, or if we are just unhappy in this relationship altogether. One piece of relationship advice I want to give to this friend, and to all of our friends, is that happiness is a choice you make. In other words, it is not something that happens to you. It is something that you need to consciously decide in your life.
Life is set up in such a way that it is going to be ripe with hills and valleys. Never judge your book by the cover of somebody else’s. We look at pretty and wealthy people all the time, and it is human nature to just compare our lives with them, and then we promptly feel bad about our lives. This is not the way to lead to successful life, and it is certainly not going to help you have successful relationships. If you want happy relationships, you have to choose it. If you want a happy life, you have to decide, and make that conscious choice to have a happy life.
Our dear friend here is in a relationship where she is getting some good communication and some good relationship advice from her own boyfriend. He saying to her that he doesn’t think she’s happy, and that she even looks like she’s unhappy quite a lot of the time. This is sad for me. But this happens to all of us! What I really like about what you were doing here, dear reader, is that you are validating his concerns and consciously working on improving your overall outlook. That’s very important, and I want to congratulate you on that!
You need to keep doing that! But most importantly, you need to make the active choice every single day of your life to be happy that day. And that means, you need to decide to be happy no matter what happens to you that day. We all have bad days. And we all have bad things happening in our lives. Yes, even the pretty and wealthy people. Believe it or not, sometimes the pretty and wealthy people have bigger problems than we will ever have.
So if you’re going to compare yourself to them, that’s the way to do it. Be thankful that you don’t have their problems. So I just wanted to cover that issue of overall happiness before we look into this relationship in more detail.
The No Contact zone
Our dear friend here knows enough about her own relationship to know that she needs a little bit of a breather in it. And it does sound like there’s a bit of tension between you and your partner as far as your overall happiness in the relationship as well. So I think that you are right, that the best thing for both of you right now is a little bit of space. And that means of course, launching The No Contact zone. So you need to do that, you need to do that right away, and you need to make the conscious choice to stick to it.
That also means, do you not have your sister text him to see how he’s doing. Do not send pizza to his house and then bug the pizza delivery guy to see how he’s doing. No Contact means No Contact. This is hard to do! I get it! Have a look at how to stay true to this Rule because it will help.
This is a difficult and stressful time, I know. And all you want to do is talk to him and hear from him and know that things are OK with him. We’ve all been there! But I really think that you will see that if you can stick to this, that it will really work for you.
He likes you!
My gut instinct on this one, is that he really likes you, he just doesn’t like seeing you so unhappy all the time. Men feel fulfilled when they are able to make their partner happy. Believe it or not, the key to making a man happy in your relationship is making sure that he knows that you’re making him happy! Men want to feel cherished and adored and respected and appreciated and exactly the same way that we do! When you give him a little bit of space, and focus on your own happiness, this will come naturally to you.
Spend the next 30 days in the No Contact zone, and begin really practicing on getting that smile back on your face. Distract yourself with so many activities, and keep yourself busy on things that make you smile. By the time that No Contact zone is over, it will be that much easier for you to touch base with him in a very brief and casual way and let him know that he makes you smile. And when you do contact him again after 30 days, I would do it just that way. In a very brief and casual way that lets him know that he is the source of your smile that day.
You do not want to give him the impression that your happiness depends on him. The No Contact zone will give him a chance to make him miss you. And then when you touch base with him again, and he sees how happy and full of your life is, you’ll have a better chance of seeing how to get your boyfriend back by reminding him how appreciated he is to you.
I also think you would benefit in checking to see if you are making any of these 3 dating mistakes, and reviewing ways to bring that intimacy and connection back when you get your boyfriend back. If you have questions, shoot them in the comment below or send me another note. Do not stray from this plan! No. Contact. It shows him you are confident in your worth, and this will reeeeeaaaally make him miss you.
That kind of confidence in your own self-worth, and your own happiness, is very attractive. It is actually irresistible to men! So try these things my dear, and you let us know how this goes. Dear readers have you ever been in this kind of situation? What do you do to try and fill out your own life with your own personal sense of joy?