Dating Advice For Women Dating Mr. Narcissist

Relationship Advice NarcissistsSadly, we got a lot of questions from women that have a really bad history of picking the wrong man. The best relationship advice for women that have difficulty with picking someone that treats them well is to make a clean break. But sometimes, this is not always realistic. We also get a lot of questions about how to make him miss you when you live together. This makes things complicated!

We have a reader today that is dealing with all of these issues. Tammy is a reader who has a history of picking man that our misogynists, or narcissists.  She doesn’t know what to do about it and she has found herself in another relationship where she’s being treated poorly. Her biggest question is “How do I know how I want to be treated?”

The answer to that one is simple. Clearly, Tammy already knows how she wants to be treated. But because she keeps picking questionable men, or men with issues, she’s not being treated the way she needs to be and the way she deserves to be. It’s very difficult to make him miss you when he’s a narcissist or misogynist and is only thinking of himself. But that doesn’t mean you can’t get him back. Even narcissist can be lovable, if they really want a genuine and authentic relationship to work.

But what can you do, Tammy, to make that happen? That’s what we’re going to talk about today, because sadly, many women are in the same boat as you. Here’s Tammy’s letter.

 Hello!

I have married and divorced an abusive narcissist I had 2 children with. He was a sex addict so that sort of defined my understanding of intimacy, since I had little / no emotional connection to my parents because I come from a family of 9 kids, very strict religious upbringing.  My parents had entirely unrealistic standards, and I ended up with an asshole.

Fast forward 2 years and I got dragged into dating another sex addict due to having poor emotional boundaries and not knowing anything about dating or respecting myself.  This guy was even more of a winner, cheated, misogynistic, and just downright crass, low class, crude, and disgusting. He grabbed and pawed at me like a pig, and bossed me around in the bedroom and forced me into a submissive position.

The only way I know to feel close to someone is sex, or talking. I’m currently dating a man that has the same socioeconomic background as the second guy I dated (I think his father used a lot of language that was derogatory towards women – for example the other night I came out of the bathroom after I’d put coconut oil on after a shower and he says “look at you all greased up like a stripper” and after the fact I realized that I stuff a lot of feelings in this relationship,  because it made me ANGRY  that he said that. We tried having sex later on, and it did NOT work out because he couldn’t stay hard. I think it’s because his remark really hurt me. I tried to explain this to him, and he tried to deny he said what he did, but I did not allow him to deny it. He shut down after that, and turned away from me and moved further to his side of the bed. I told him this kind of talk is insulting, why on earth would you tell the woman you love she looks like a stripper?!?

I have been finding more and more that he makes these comments and I try to ignore them but I hate them. I’ve allowed it to continue for 5 years, because every time I have tried to communicate with him, he tells me he can’t change who he is, or that he can’t change his family (he can’t seem to own that his language is inappropriate – he thinks “it’s just joking” and then he will make passive aggressive comments to “mock” my feelings afterwards, which he swears up and down that he’s not doing to stab at me, but that’s how it feels. It’s important to note that while I was getting away from the abusive relationship I was in, he was also struggling with a drug addicted mother, who destroyed his house and ran around on him. So we both understand a lot of things about each other that other people don’t,  and we have built a lot of good things together, including getting a house recently with our 3 kids. I just think he needs to be taught how to be tender, respectful, and use language during sex that isn’t crass or crude or something he learned from a porno. I know he wants to communicate better aND what I have asked him, he has done to the best of his ability,  but for things I don’t clearly define, he seems to have little or no imagination and he’s very obtuse as expected from a man, and it comes across as cutting sometimes even though I know he doesn’t mean it that way – because I will straight up tell him…. “your body language and actions are telling me X ” and he can’t argue that.

How do I know how I want to be treated,  touched, and talked to if all I know is from toxic men, and now a man who is a product of our society, in that he has little or no understanding of being tender / classy but takes any type of change or criticism as an attack and an insult? It’s difficult to say what I need when he responds with a frustrated tone / like he’s expecting me to scold him like a child when I just want him to understand how I feel, and that I don’t want him to be little my feelings?

He grew up with a good father but he was controlling and the family functioned by using sarcastic bickering to communicate, and I can’t get him to acknowledge feelings a lot, because I think he is terrified if he validates them, that they will take over the situation or he will lose control. I really can’t take much more of this.

I have an appointment with my therapist for both of us this month, but I was hoping you could give some advice, or possibly recommend a book that teaches you how to know what you need so you can communicate / help your man to change & treat you differently… Tammy

I have included the letter in its entirety because there is so much going on with this poor girl, and I want to be sure that we cover it all today. The reason being, I know so many women that find themselves in this exact same situation. Our entire program would not exist if men everywhere treated women the way they deserved and needed to be treated. But the sad fact remains, it just doesn’t happen. Tammy wants to know how she can learn what she deserves. But the truth is, Tammy, you already know the answer to that or you wouldn’t be writing me at all. What you really want to know is how to get him to treat you the way that you need to be in the way that you deserve to be.

You Can’t Change What You Can’t Acknowledge

Well there are a few old sayings I’m going to bring up that will turn the light bulb on for you on this one. The first being, you can’t change what you can’t acknowledge. So as far as your part in the relationship is concerned, you are acknowledging that this isn’t working and this needs to change. But the only thing you have the power to change is your reaction and your responses to being treated poorly. You have absolutely no control over how he responds or reacts to your needs and what you deserve.

In other words, only he can change what HE acknowledges. If he does not acknowledge that he’s not treating you well, then there is very little that I can do right now. For him. But what I can do for you, is offer some relationship advice that will help you to go after what you need and what you deserve, and help you to pursue, actively, what you need and what you deserve.  So that’s the approach that we’re going to take care of today. And this is the approach that any woman that is dating a narcissist can and should take.

This is a situation where you are sharing finances and children and a home together, so it is even more important for you to express to him that something needs to change here. I’m glad that you have a therapist that can help you out with some relationship advice as well, and there you will also learn the need for being the one in control of this situation in your life.  I think one thing that we can all agree on by reading your letter is that he is not treating you well.

Set Boundaries – There’s No Excuse For Being Mean

You mentioned a lot of reasons for him not treating you well, he has a bad life, a drug addicted mother, family members that destroyed his home, and all sorts of things like that. You also mentioned that he needs to be taught how to be respectful. I agree with this. He needs to make some changes here. What I don’t agree with, is that having a bad life is an excuse for treating someone poorly. It’s not.

So it’s time for you to have a talk with him, and lay out your needs and what you deserve as kindly as possible. I would recommend that you also into the No Contact zone. But in your situation, because you live with him, you can’t go cold turkey not talking to him. But you can go cold turkey without intimacy.   So my recommendation to you would be to enter a physical No Contact zone until you all have sort of figured out what each of you needs to do in this relationship to make it work.

I don’t like that he mocks you when you express your feelings and what you need in this relationship. That is a very big red flag, and you are spot on that he might be a narcissist or misogynist, like your other boyfriends.  And the biggest problem with narcissists is that they will never change because it’s impossible for them to acknowledge that they’ve done wrong to somebody else. It has happened, but it’s rare. So the next time you have a talk with him and have expressed to him what you need and what you deserve, you need to immediately launch the No Contact zone.

Tell him you need to take a break from physical intimacy while you sort your thoughts and feelings out, and while he supports his thoughts and feelings out. Basically, start from scratch in your relationship as if it’s your first date, even though you are living together and share children. Tell him that you want to explore things in a relationship that have nothing to do with intimacy, and that in order for you to stay in this relationship, you need him to respect those boundaries.  Let him know that when you feel comfortable with him again, and feel that he is respecting your needs and boundaries, you will be willing to go back to the physical side of your relationship. And I would give that a good 30 days like any other No Contact zone.

If he loves you and really wants to make it work, he will acknowledge what he needs to change, and make those changes. He will do that because he loves you and wants you to be happy. But if he doesn’t, then he doesn’t. I would recommend for your own personal safety that you had this conversation with him in a public place, like when you’re out for lunch or having a coffee or something. I don’t recommend having the conversation privately, by text or email, or in a place where it’s just the two of you alone as he will be given many opportunities to be little and do you mean your desires and your wishes. I’m not saying that he’ll do that, but you can take away that option for him by doing this in a public place. After that, take one step at a time just putting 1 foot in front of the other slowly but surely every day until you feel peace.

The most important relationship advice that I could ever give to anybody, is that sometimes you don’t want to get your boyfriend back. And that’s because sometimes they treat you badly. But there is hope in this relationship because you have an extended history with him. But at the same time, you don’t want to lose more years of your life by being treated poorly.

So the best relationship advice I could give you right now, Tammy, is to love your Self first.  Acknowledge what you can change, and make sure that your needs and desires are clearly defined and your boundaries are said. And if he doesn’t make them? Well then he doesn’t meet them and he doesn’t deserve to be with you.

Have a look at some of our articles that will help you determine whether or not you’re in an abusive situation, or things you can do to put yourself first. Because it’s time that you started! Dear readers, do you have any relationship vice for our friend? Have you ever been in a relationship with a narcissist?

Relationship Advice: How to Make Him Miss You After 9 Years

Relationship Advice To Make Him Miss YouWhen it comes to relationship questions seeking dating advice for women, one of the most common questions that we get relates to women that feel like they are putting in all of the effort. We also get a lot of questions on how to heal after cheating, or how to make him miss you after a really long time in the relationship. We have a relationship question today from one reader who is dealing with all three of these issues. She’s dealing with an on-again off-again relationship that has been ongoing for nine years, has experience cheating, and is a situation now where she is doing all the work and wondering if all hope is lost. Here’s a look at her question.

Michelle,

My ex and I have been in an on again off again relationship for 9 years now. He loves to play the victim role even when he is at fault. In our most recent breakup, he cheated on me and I found out although I told him I forgave, those were just words. Each chase I got I would remind him of the mistakes he’s made. It’s like throughout the years our gets stronger and the connection we have is undeniable. We went for a period of 3 months were he was simply ignoring me. When I finally gave it another true, he went straight for we should just be friends, nothing is going to help our situation even with forgiveness. I can honestly say that I’ve healed from the past hurts, but regret is weighing in on me, do I walk away or fight? Why am I always the begging to keep us together? He said we aren’t made for success and our relationship has run its course. He has also sad if we didn’t go through everything we went through maybe we’d have a chance, but he’s lost hope after our last argument and he isn’t ready to be with anyone no time soon. He has also said our relationship isn’t stable, so why be in it. Throughout the break up I’ve made contact and yes I’ve begged for him to reconsider and so has his family, but nothing has come out of it. Is all hope lost? Niecy

You have got a lot going on with this relationship, Niecy, and I can honestly say that if there are feelings happening in both parties in this relationship, all hope is not lost. Now, I do not know what the status is of this gentleman’s relationship right now, but I do know that if you have nine years together, there is definitely hope for this relationship.

So that’s the good news. While I don’t have any bad news per se, I do have a question that I want you to seriously reflect on. Why do you want to stay in this relationship?

This is one of those situations where it would be very easy for me to apply the No Contact Rules to you, and just advise you to wait it out. But if you want real relationship advice that will not only make him miss you, but also strengthen this relationship, I have a few pointers there as well today.

No Contact, Cold Turkey

First, you have to definitely go into the No Contact zone, cold turkey. I think it’s a good idea here to send him one last little text or email, and just let him know that you’re grateful for him, you’re grateful for the times that you’ve had, and that you’re going to respect his boundaries and his wishes and just take a little break. Because you have had trouble staying in the No Contact Zone before, he’s probably expecting to hear from you. But when he does hear from you, if he hears what I just outlined above, you will take him back a little bit. And that’s a good thing!

He’s going to be expecting you to contact him and continue your previous history of begging him to stay with you. When you don’t do that, you’re going to get his wheel spinning on this one.

Second, be sure that you never ever again remind him of mistakes that he has made in the past. He knows he cheated, you know he cheated, and your relationship is what it is today because of all of that. But no man is rushing into the arms of a woman that is always reminding them of their mistakes. No man. So let this one go. If you have genuinely healed from this mistake of his, then you won’t need to bring it up. So before you contact him at all ever again, be certain with your own Self that you are healed from this mistake of his. And if you aren’t, you’re going to need some time before you even think of giving this relationship hope again. And there’s nothing wrong with that! If you need time, take it.

Lastly, when you send him that little goodbye text or email that you will send before you enter the No Contact zone, remember to be nothing but positive. This is sort of a combination of the first two steps from above. But the little addendum that I want to add to this step is that you want to not only stay positive, but also set boundaries.

Set Boundaries

So there are ways that you can focus on what you need when you’re speaking with him, without sounding derogatory or negative. This is going to be another thing that will take him back when he reads this message of yours. The key to this is staying positive, being clear about your boundaries, and making it about you and not him. When you do this, you give him valuable information. And one man in the state of limbo receive information like this, it does trigger a switch to change if they really want to give this relationship hope. So you’re going to send him a text or email that sounds something like this:

“Hey, Frank, no I’m not writing to annoy you *wink.* I have just been doing a lot of thinking and reflecting on things related to our relationship. I feel like after nine years, it’s the least I can do for you, and the wonderful years and times that we had together. I am not ready to just give it all up just yet, but I do think that those nine years and our experiences deserve some time and thoughts. I realize now that we are on different pages when it comes to what we each need, and what we each have to offer this relationship. As such, I think I just need a little bit of a break to clear my head and think on this a little bit more. I want to thank you for everything that you’ve done for me over the years, and for giving me nine years of some very wonderful memories. You have absolutely been a value to my life. I know we all make mistakes, I have too, and I am ready to move forward in my life without focusing on the past. But I need some time to think about this before anything else happens. I need and deserve someone that is there for me 100% of the time, and supports me and his faithful to me during the entire time in our relationship. I’m just not sure that we’re on the same page right now. So I’m going to take a little bit of a break to think about it, and I promise I won’t bother you again for a little while. If you’d like to touch base and hash this out over coffee or something, I would be open to that after I have done some thinking. Until then, know that you remain in my thoughts and I wish you nothing but the best and ultimate happiness that life has to offer you. Best!”

And there you have it. So, stay positive, don’t bring up his mistakes in a negative way, make it about what you need and what your boundaries are. When you do, you will dangle that carrot in front of him that you’re still available if he’s able to meet those needs. And if he’s not, then it’s his loss. That’s a real way to make him miss you.

Yes, the No Contact zone will be very difficult for you, especially since you’ve had a problem with that in the past. Don’t worry girlfriend, we’ve all been there! So take a minute to read some of our articles on what to do after the No Contact Rule is engaged and how to stay true to it, and what to do after the No Contact zone to maintain that peaceful and harmonious vibe.

Until then, keep checking back here as we are always posting relationship advice questions, and you might see more answers that will apply to your specific situation. Dear readers, what would you do in the situation?

Relationship Advice When You’re Dating Mr. Someone Else’s Husband

You might be surprised how often we get the question, “How do I make him miss me when he’s married to someone else?”  We get it a lot. If you’ve been reading this site for more than a few articles, then you probably already know what my answer to this one is going to be. I have no judgement in these situations for the women that are treated poorly by married men. Or by anyone, male or female married that is playing with someone else’s heart, when that someone else is not legally contracted to you through marriage.  While I reserve judgement, I do have some relationship advice for women that find themselves in this situation though.  Here’s Salisha’s concern.

HI , I have been dating a married man for 5 years now…. its been 2 years since we saw each other but we do chat on the phone and video call each other. I love him very much but now he decided to let go due to me been out and spending time with my girlfriends. He is a very immature man and wants me to give him every detail of what i am doing threw the day. Please help me get him back. Salisha.

 First, I’m a little confused by the timeline on this one. Are the two years of separation part of the five years? Because if they are, then you haven’t been dating him for 5 years. You dated, and have been chatting on the phone and Skype or what have you for 2 years.  That’s still a relationship though, you just can’t call it dating. Dating is when you are seen out in public with someone who is proud to be with you.

So you’ve been involved in a relationship for 5 years with a married man. That is a long time to pin your hopes on someone. What happens to many women in this situation is that they think they will be The Next One, to make him divorce The One That Came First.  So they stay, and they stay, and they wait for the divorce, and they stay and they wait, and get sadder with every passing day. Five years later they are writing me, or someone else, wondering what to do about it.

If you want to know how to get your married boyfriend back, you need to enter the No Contact zone immediately, and cold turkey. Nobody has the right to make you report to them on your daily comings and goings. Nobody.  A married person has even fewer rights to do so. It’s none of his beeswax what you are doing through the day, or who you are doing it with.  He’s doing this because he’s a cheater, and has trust issues because he knows how easy it is to cheat.  But that’s his stuff, not yours.  Next time he asks you that, ask him how the wife and kids are doing. He won’t ask again. And if he does, hang up the phone or end the skype/facetime chat.

I agree with you, Salisha, that he sounds very immature. This is the guy that wants to have his cake and eat it too. You already know that he has relationship issues, and has difficulty sustaining a healthy relationship, or difficulties dealing with a relationship in a healthy way. That was a fact in your case before you even started dating.

It’s not your job to carry his baggage.

Anyone, man or woman, that starts dating other people while married is not good relationship material. They have baggage before you even say hello. Now he wants you to carry his for him? Nuh uh sister.  That is not your job.

Your job when it comes to dating is to find someone that makes you feel like a better person. Your job is to find someone that loves you, even those little annoying quirks that we all have, and accepts you fully and completely. You should feel BETTER about your Self when you are dating or in a relationship. You should never, ever feel worse. The moment you start feeling worse, is the moment you need to come up with your exit plan.

And you know in your heart that is my relationship advice for you, right, Salisha? To create your exit plan. This man is legally contracted to someone else. You don’t want to get in the way of this.  Do you really want to testify on a stand about your nitty gritty relationship details? It could happen.  It has happened to many other women in your exact situation.  That’s only one of about a million reasons what is happening in your love life is a really bad idea.

Marriage is a legal contract. He is breaching that contract by his behavior, and dragging you into his own baggage. This is not your job to enable him. My suggestion to you would be to get as far away from this hot mess as you can.

Ahhhh but you love him. I get it. He obviously does care for you as well or he wouldn’t be so obsessed about your comings and goings. But he doesn’t have a right to that while he is involved in a legal contract with someone else. So don’t let him.

I don’t know if this can be saved or not. In your favor you have history and love. In the “against” column you have one really big item – another marriage. So before either of you can engage in a healthy relationship with each other, you each need to singly take care of your own relationship in a healthy and legally acceptable manner. For him, that’s going to have to be figuring out what he wants.

You deserve more than being someone’s sloppy seconds.  A lot more. Worlds more. You deserve a guy that takes you out and public and smiles to the waiter, “That’s MY date!!”  There are guys out there like that. But I’m guessing Mr. Married doesn’t want to go out in public with you in case someone sees you two together. That is not okay, and such a disrespect to both you and his wife.

She could be a total psycho that sets animals on fire for all I know, and I would still give you the same advice. Maybe he doesn’t belong to her. Clearly, he questions that himself. But he’s gotta take care of that business before he’s anywhere near the healthy state of mind to take care of you. You deserve at least that.

And you need to tell him that. Tell him you are going No Contact, cold turkey. I’m not even going to say 30 days on this. Tell him this is happening indefinitely, until he figures out his own life. You owe him no explanations on what you do with yours until then. If you want to get your boyfriend back and make him miss you, this is what you have to do. It’s for your own peace of mind. You will feel so much better when you do, even when you miss him during that space.

During that time, go out and do whatever you want enjoying the freedom that comes with not having to report back to Mr. Married. And let us know how this goes, okay? I’ll be thinking of you. Dear readers, what do you think Salisha should do about Mr. Married guy? Has anyone else cut him off cold turkey with good results?

Dating Advice: No Contact Period Instructions to Get Your Boyfriend Back

When it comes to relationship advice, we all love to read it. Then we file it away and hope we never have to use it. But life is life, and no relationship is perfect. Nope. Not even the ones that have gone on for fifty plus years. When we remember that the root word in relationships is “relate,” we will have better relationships. Waiting for something to happen to you in your love life will leave you with a very sorrowful love life. How are you “relating” in your personal relationship experience right now? If that needs some work, it might be time to dig into the files of your archived relationship advice inside you, and start putting it to work. It might be time for you to become the captain of your romantic Destiny.

One piece of relationship advice that many readers, and many women everywhere, struggle with, is the “No Contact Period” after a breakup or separation. Women just want to fix what is wrong so they can have things go back to the way they were. Am I right? Sound familiar? The “No Contact Period” seems too difficult. But we get readers touching base all of the time letting us know that it works! You just have to work it. You have to be in charge of your relationship Destiny, and be the one pulling the strings in your life. But how do you do that?

As far as the No Contact Zone is concerned, it’s very simple. You just have to have no contact for about 30 days. It’s easier said than done, I know. We have a reader who is struggling with this. So today we are going to go step by step and review how to engage the No Contact Zone. Time for you to be in charge! Here’s Ruvimbo’s story.

Hi Michelle … I broke up with my boyfriend weeks ago but i have been texting on a weekly basis begging trying to straighten things up till he told me yesterday I’m acting desperate and I’m pushing him further away. I love him we broke up because he said he wanted to be alone we dated for 5 months we had fun and I felt like he was the one. After the broke up always tried not to contact him but I ended up doing so. Is there any hope that I can get him back. Ruvimbo.

Hi Ruvimbo, thanks for touching base! Your biggest challenge here is staying in the No Contact Zone. He’s giving you valuable information here – you are contacting him too much. It’s your job now to “relate” to him in a way that makes him happy, and you happy. Right now you are relating to him in a way that makes you both miserable. So it’s time to stop your current way of doing things, and try something new.

As for your question on hope, I have some thoughts for you. We are not in the business of selling hope. Just sound relationship advice that you can and should use. I don’t know this individual well enough to know where he stands or how he feels. But if you were together for five months, I suspect there are some feelings there from him. Feelings never just go away. So I would take that a step further and say there is always hope in relationships, where real feelings preside. Whether that is your situation or not right now remains to be seen.

But the truth is, whether there is hope or not, is not your biggest problem. You are not happy. He is giving you information that reflects that he is not happy. So how can we fix this? You need to enter the No Contact Zone in a way that brings you back to your happy place. When you find that YOU are in charge of what happens next, you will see a LOT of that happy place return. Follow these steps for the No Contact Period, to the letter, do not waiver, and within time you will begin to feel easier.

1. Delete him from your phone, email, Facebook, Twitter, everything.

If you don’t have his contact information, it makes it that much more difficult for you to contact him, right? Do not block him when you do this. Just dis-engage and make him invisible for a little while. You can use the “mute” feature on Twitter if you don’t want to delete him completely, and he won’t even know you did it. You can “unfollow” on Facebook, or add him to another list of friends on your Facebook so that you don’t see his posts. Not being exposed to these things, while you are trying to clear your head in the No Contact Zone is going to help you tremendously. But you have to actually do it!

Remember, you are not deleting him forever. You are just putting him aside for now, to help him, and to help YOU, be a happier person relating in this experience.

2. Do NOT visit his social media pages.

This is an extension of the previous bit of relationship advice. Unfollowing him or putting his information aside for a little while is great. But if you are unfollowing him, and then creeping his Facebook every day just to get your daily fix, this is not the No Contact Zone. So this step is worth an extra mention. Do NOT visit his social media pages. The goal of the No Contact Zone is not just to give you both a little space and breathing, but it’s to clear your head from the distraction of the pain in this relationship. So, just, let that go for a little while. Remember, this is not forever. And don’t beat yourself up about any of it either. We’ve ALL creeped an ex’s Facebook at one point.

3. Take your life back for 30 days.

They say old habits die hard and when we are trying to get rid of them, we need to replace them with something else. So find something to do now that replaces the time you have spent contacting him, texting him, creeping his social media. Replace it with something fun, something that fills you with joy. Many experts say to break habits you need to be doing some replacement for at least two weeks. This is why I have the No Contact Zone for 30 days. That extra two weeks really makes a difference.

Start a new fitness program, join a club or pick up a new hobby, spend more time with your friends, get a new job, spend more time with YOU. I also encourage you to read some of our older stories to help you feel uplifted during this 30 days, which may be stressful for you.

Have a look at the Top 3 Dating Mistakes you may be making, and see if that helps. You may also want to review, “Get Him Back After Pushing Him Away.” Don’t worry so much about him, YOU are your priority now.

Do not under any circumstances contact him during this time frame, if you really want to get your boyfriend back. If you do, you have to start the 30 days for the No Contact Zone all over again.

After 30 days, touch base with him again. If you want. I know some people that reach this point and are having so much fun, and are so happy to be in control of their destiny again, that they don’t even bother. And they hear from him first! This No Contact Period is a powerful tool. When you go from “desperate” to being independent, confident, and in control, it does something with men, because independent, confident, women are very, very attractive.

Right now, he does not want a desperate woman. So, if you want to get your boyfriend back, the best relationship advice I can give you is to show him you are not that person. I know you’re not. Your girlfriends know you are not. So prove it to him. When you do, I believe there is hope and that this is how to get your boyfriend back. Let us know how this works out! Readers, do you have any relationship advice for this friend? Or drop some notes in the comments that let us know how you got your boyfriend back after a situation like this.

 

Relationship Advice For Rebounders: The Breakup That Won’t Go Away

 

Ever have one of those relationships that just never went away? Of course you have, or you wouldn’t be here.  What I love about these relationships is that a chronic rebounder is one that actually does have a shot at standing the test of time.  I’m hopeful for all of you.  There’s a lot of push and pull going on here in these ones, but, clearly, something keeps bringing them back.  But in that push and pull period it’s very easy to feel like an elastic band that is wearing out, fast. We have a reader in this very confusing situation. She is seeking relationship advice for a guy that broke up with her, is possibly (likely) seeing someone else, but still keeping her on a string. Can she get her boyfriend back? Let’s have a look at Amrit’s story.

 So me and my boyfriend were together for 4 years and we had an amazing relationship. He loved me a lot and so did I and we would always talk about our future together and getting married one day. Recently just about 2 months ago he broke up with me because he did not want to date. By the way we are both in our senior year of high school right now. So only a week after we broke up he said he lost feelings for me which is ironic because he loved me so much for 4 years and it only took him a week to lose feelings?? Then another week after he said that he starts liking someone else and they both don’t want a relationship at the moment but they kiss and hangout a lot. I have not done no contact yet, I tried to but he always keeps calling me to ask how I’m doing and says he wants to be friends but says he will never get feelings for me again. It’s now been 1.5 months and i still love him a lot, I want him back I just don’t know whether I should give up or not. He shows so many signs that he likes me, he’s constantly calling, always flirty and touchy but then he says he doesn’t have feelings and doesn’t want me to have feelings for him. I’m really confused but for some reason I still have hope that we will get back together I just need some advice. Amrit.

 The first thing that jumps out at me with this one is age. I’m not judging it, but frankly, it is a factor. We have two young teens here, and this is a tough one. But we also have a four year history. High school sweethearts ARE a thing. But they can be a complicated thing. During the high school years our frontal lobes of the brain are not fully formed yet. This is the part of the brain that helps us make sound decisions, like an executive of a big company.  It helps us to see the consequences of our actions, and future plan so that we don’t make bad choices.

One of the reasons teenagers do a lot of silly things and get in trouble or find themselves confused in love is because their frontal lobe is simply not formed completely yet. So your executive function isn’t exactly in optimum condition. That’s not a bad thing. It just is what it is. We have all literally been there.

But when it comes to relationships, what teenagers DO have a lot of is rushing hormones and emotions.  This means most of your relationship decisions will be based on those two factors, instead of rational logic that the frontal lobe your brain provides. And this could give you some problems. So the first piece of relationship advice for sweet Amrit is to take a pause and think more, and feel less. You want to make decisions based on facts and logic, and not on what emotions are clouding your judgement.

The next relationship advice I would offer to Amrit is, if you want to know how to get your boyfriend back, check out this past article about dating mistakes. Are you making one of the Top 3 Dating Mistakes? It sounds like you might be.

You are making yourself too available, expecting too much, and not trusting your Self enough.

This guy is playing cat and mouse with you. He wants to have his cake, and eat it too. That’s not what you want. So you need to communicate this to him if you have not already. You are allowed to want what you want in love. He is allowed to want what he wants too.  He is not allowed to play with your heart.

You are a very smart young lady. You have already decided to launch the No Contact period. Congratulations!  But just because you did that does not mean that he will “get it” right away. Obviously he doesn’t get it as he has tried to contact you anyway.

Remember, the No Contact Period is not about what he needs or wants. It’s about you. It’s about you giving yourself the space to do some big thinking, and also clear your head. So what if he calls when you have made the choice to enter the No Contact zone? That’s on him, that’s not on you. Or at least, it’s not on you unless you pick up the phone.

So, don’t pick up! Send it to voicemail and let it sit there for 30 days.  Or just send him a quick text that sounds like this.

 “Thanks for calling, sorry I didn’t pick up. I just need some space right now, k?  I need to clear my head and really figure out what I want.  I need more, as in, a commitment.  I don’t know if that’s you.  So I just need a few weeks of me time, k? Talk soon.” 

He may or may not text or call back. If he does, leave it. Leave it again. And again, and again, until the 30 days is up. Then YOU choose what happens next. He’s not in the captain’s seat of your love life. YOU are. So what are you going to do next, Amrit? Readers, what would YOU do next?

Relationship Advice: How to Get Your Boyfriend Back After Being Blocked on Social Media

One of the biggest mistakes we make in relationships is comparing ourselves to others. This is natural, and called being human, so don’t beat yourself up about it if you are saying, “Uh oh, that’s me” to that. That’s all of us. How many times have you left a wedding or a 50th anniversary feeling completely dejected? Been there! That’s all of us. But doing this is so counter-intuitive to actually having a successful relationship. We are in a different era than many people whose relationships have stood that test of time. Those heroes at the fiftieth anniversary never had to deal with being blocked by someone on social media, nor will they. So comparing yourselves to them is counter-intuitive. It makes you feel worse, and also, it doesn’t actually help you to have a better relationship. So, try and kick yourself in the foot the next time your mind wanders at the next big celebration of love you have to attend.

Today we are going to look at a relationship, and see if we can learn how to get your boyfriend back after being blocked on Facebook. I know what many of you are thinking, “Why bother?” That’s a great question, and one I would ask myself. But this reader has an interesting situation. Yes, her boyfriend blocked her on Facebook. But, wait for it, he wants to find out how to see HER Facebook after he blocked her. Yep, he’s one of those special ones, ladies. We have a reader with this problem, so let’s have a look.

So I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years. And one time I was being distant because idk I just usually thought why contact him when he can contact me he told me why was I being distant then I send him a message saying because you always rather be with your friends and he never responded to my message. but honestly it makes me question our relationship because it’s been already two months that he has me blocked in social media (fb) yet we see each other at certain times. He works out of town and I will call him but he won’t answer yet when he’s back he messages me saying I’m back home. And then I asked him why did you even block me on FB and he just responded because you’re nosy AF and I was like oh okay cool yet he said let me see your Facebook profile when I was with him? So I responded hell no, you can unblock me if u want to see me and he didn’t say anything.

What you are dealing with here, dear Reader, is “Mixed Signals Guy.” I’ve already talked him. But every Mixed Signals Guy is different. This guy is clearly all about him, and not about you. This is not a healthy relationship, and it is clearly not a balanced relationship. You know this, and this is why you wrote me. Believe me when I say we get questions about social media ALL the time. So know you are not alone. Women that have been with the same guy for 50 years do not have this problem. So don’t compare yourselves to them. Here’s what to do in this situation, and it’s much easier than you think.

What to do with Mixed Signals Guy

Put him in the No Contact Zone. This guy is seriously playing with your heart. He doesn’t know what he wants! I don’t know if he doesn’t know if he’s playing with your heart, or if he doesn’t care. But I also don’t know which of those things is worse, either. You want a guy that can’t wait to show you off on social media. You don’t want a guy that blocks you, and then creeps you!

You already have evidence that he responds well to the No Contact Zone. He gets antsy when he can’t see your Facebook profile. Well, if he hadn’t blocked you he wouldn’t have that problem, right? Right. Choices have consequences and bad choices have bad consequences. Period. He chose to miss seeing your Facebook page the second he blocked you. Clearly you already know this. And let me congratulate you on doing all of the right things so far.

But he is trying to spin this as your fault. “I blocked you because you were annoying me.” That’s called gaslighting, sweetheart. He’s trying to make YOU think that it’s YOUR fault that HE CHOSE to block you, THEN creep your own profile. It’s not your fault. It’s his! Bad choices have bad consequences, for him.

I do not know this guy from Adam, but I have a very strong suspicion that he blocked you from his Facebook because there’s something there he doesn’t want you to see. He thinks he can do whatever he wants, because technically you aren’t “committed.” He wants to come and go as he pleases, call and not call as he pleases, and expects you to be ready there with your Facebook profile the second he chooses.

Nuh uh! No self-respecting woman would ever allow this. UNLESS, that woman is looking for exactly the same thing. If you want a guy that comes and goes as you do, then by all means, put up with this. Women that are confident and clear in these intentions are very progressive women. But that’s not what you want. It doesn’t mean you aren’t progressive though. When you stand in your truth and confidence, you send him the message that you don’t need these games.

There’s nothing wrong with looking for a commitment and not settling for less. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting a commitment and just doing the casual thing. But there IS something wrong if you want one thing, and Mr. Blocker is not giving it, and is still expecting you to stick around.

Follow Your Instincts

Follow those instincts on giving the distance to this guy. You have done everything right. You already have evidence that this works on this particular prize. So take it to the next level, and do it for 30 days straight, hard core, cold turkey, just be done with him in a snap for the next 30 days. I really have a feeling he is going to go bonkers. He wants to have his cake and eat it too, and he hasn’t quite accepted the fact that you are not offering this system. That’s on him. Completely on him. Those are his consequences to deal with.

But when it comes to you? Your choices have consequences too. Are you going to choose to continue accepting this behavior? I have a feeling that you aren’t. You are a progressive woman that wants some relationship advice to figure out how to deal with this man child friend of yours. Here’s a text you can send him right now.

“Hey, Boo, just wanted to say thanks for everything. I think I’m just going to leave my Facebook the way it is for now. I’ve got a lot on my plate and a lot of great things going on right now. You were right, the distraction is just too much stress. It’s been great though, just too bad that we didn’t want the same things. I think you’re great but maybe next time? If you ever find yourself on my page, give me a shout. Thanks for everything! Best!”

Boom. That will get his wheels spinning. I wouldn’t be surprised if he texted back within seconds. He’ll want to know what fun you are having. If you see him in public, smile and be courteous, polite, like you would to a passing neighbor or stranger. Don’t give him too much information. Just give him something to think about for 30 days and let us know how it goes. Readers, what do you think? How have you responded to Mixed Signals Guy?

 

Dating Advice For The Soul Mate That Has Had Enough

Ever been in one of those relationships where it just felt like you were bouncing back and forth with each other, and your feelings? Of course you have. One of the reasons so many couples have a yo-yo relationship, for years, is the soul mate factor. I am no expert on soul mates but one thing I do know about love and relationships is that if you are having the same yo-yo effect in your relationship for years, there’s a high love potential there. This could even be soulmate level. Most relationships do not go on and on like this for years, unless there is SOMEthing keeping that string going on the yo-yo. We get questions from readers about this yo-yo experience all the time. The biggest relationship advice question they have is, “We broke up and what do I do now??”

Today we are going to look at just such a scenario. We have a couple who by all counts, over the course of three years, have told each other they are each other’s soul mate. They’ve broken up multiple times, and each time they find themselves kissing each other eventually. Our reader, Amy, has noted her problems in the relationships, and has owned her part.

That’s a standing ovation from me for that! Some people go their entire lives never figuring this out, that they need to own their part. So Amy has been doing her work on her since the last breakup. Now she wants to know what to do. Let’s have a look at this story.

Its been almost 2 weeks since my ex bf split with me. We were a bit hungover on a Sunday afternoon and I started to nag and annoy him which made him flip out dramatically and him scream “I can’t do this anymore” and leave the house. I fb messaged him the next day to say he was a coward to leave me like that no real explanation and he just confirmed again saying, I just can’t do it with you anymore. I told him he was nothing to me and since then I haven’t spoken to him since.  I’m trying to give him space and using the no contact rule. But I feel like I haven’t a clue what is happening, especially in his head.  A bit about us – We have been together for almost 3 years now, we are best friends we do everything together, and that’s because we both want to…He loves the bones off me, he’s the sweetest guy does anything and everything for me emotionally and physically. He is my soul mate the only person who gets me and I get him and he says this to me 24/7. However, the last half year or so I’ve been insecure about my weight, that I have gained, I’ve had no job, he has been paying for everything helping me. I suppose I’ve got a bit lazy with myself and everything and then of course the nagging.

Last 6 months or so he has broken up with me a few times over WhatsApp/text saying we need to go our separate ways he cant do it blablabla, finding an excuse, leaving me in tears and upset. Straight away I have told him not to and said sorry things will change blablabla. Of course, he comes over and sees me and him being the beautiful soul he is hugs me and stays and we carry on the relationship just like that. But nothing changes, I don’t change. But now I am. I am working on myself, eating healthily, exercising, I’ve lost several pounds already. I’m not drinking. I really can see now what I have done wrong and how I let the fun get sucked out of the relationship because when we are happy my god, we are happy!

What do I do? I want to fix this so bad! Apart from my nagging and moaning, everything was perfect! I am on my tenth day of contact but I think I need to apologise and let him know how I feel. He could just be thinking I am angry and don’t wanna speak to him? What do I do?

 Let’s address the first question: What is he thinking?

 The answer to that is, if he’s not telling you, it’s none of your business. The other answer to that is, you don’t need to know what he is thinking to fix this.  How your relationship functions is not a function of ONLY what he is thinking. You’ve taken some steps already, Amy, that show that you know this. You know you own your part in the split. I can’t congratulate you enough for that.

Never change your weight for a guy, period. But if you know that some nagging issues have led to this demise or breakup, then you know how to fix at least your role in this breakup. If you want to get your boyfriend back, the next step is the No Contact Rule.  You say, “I am trying to follow the No Contact Rule but it’s hard because I don’t know what’s in his head.”

Again, you don’t need to for the No Contact Rule to be successful. You will learn what he is thinking by activating the No Contact Zone immediately. But you have to stay true to it. You can’t just say you aren’t going to contact him, and then give up on your Self because he texted you. The No Contact Period is for YOU to clear your head and get your stuff together. You’ve already started this. But you can’t clear your head when you are answering his messages.

He’s already told you that you are his soul mate.  Those are some serious words! You have the advantage of having true love and experience on your side.  So you can’t make him miss you by being in his face all the time. And that’s what you really want at this stage of the game.

Let’s look at your second question: What do I do now??

 You’ve answered your own question. You know you need the No Contact Period, but you just have to get committed to it.  I talk a lot about How to Stay True to the No Contact Rule. Refresh your memory on that, and make the choice to be committed to it. You want to get your boyfriend back, right? So be as committed to the process, no matter how hard it is, as you are to him.  It is for the benefit of your relationship if he sees what it’s like to go 30 days without hearing back from you.

My guess is that it’s going to be very difficult for him to do this. And through that, you will make him miss you.

Once that 30 days is up, touch base with him about something super minor and breezy. Or just say hi. Make sure you let him know that you’ve been doing a lot of work on you in your quiet time. He will really admire you for that! After he responds, I am confident you can take it from there. Let us know how this goes, we are all rooting for you! Readers, what do you think Amy should do? Have you had a similar soul mate experience?

 

 

Dating Advice: What To Do AFTER the No Contact Period Makes Him Miss You

One of the hardest things about relationships is missing someone.  And, as you know, one of the most common pieces of dating advice or relationship advice that I have is, activate a No Contact Rule.  Why? Because it works. If there is only one tool that can make him miss you, it’s making him miss you. And the only way you can do that is through No Contact. That means zero. Zilch. None. Period. No matter how much he texts you or Facebook messages you or calls and leaves the pleading voicemails.

If he’s doing that, you have proof that you are winning in the “make him miss you” stage.  If he’s not contacting you, but you do have a history, he’s still thinking about you. That’s why the No Contact component of the Make Him Miss You mission is SO successful.  When you aren’t easy to get to, he wonders.  It’s human nature!

But that 30 day period of No Contact is really hard. I get it. While you are making him miss you, you are missing him. Dreadfully.  But what next? We have a reader who is doing very well with the No Contact rule, and just needs to know what to do when that is complete. We get this question all the time. So today I want you to see what happens when the No Contact Rule actually works. We have one reader who is about halfway through the process of the No Contact and the “Make Him Miss You” stage. The only relationship advice she needs at this point is, what next. So let’s have a look and see if we can help her out.

 I was dating a guy for a couple months. But the couple months were fast and intense. We went away for a weekend together by our fourth date. We had so much fun together, even the bartenders would come over and say they just enjoyed watching us together and listening to our conversations. It seemed like we had a real connection.  but things were early, we were both open about the fact that we were not exclusive (we were both dating another person). But it seemed like we were spending more time together and he told me he had a better connection with me. He took me to concerts, out on the town, and offered to take me to a patriots game. 3 days before the game, he texted me and told me he was so sorry but his dad was coming into town unexpectedly (from GA to MA) and he was going to have to take him instead. I was pissed but didn’t lash out. Just told him no, he couldn’t make it up to me. Good luck and have a nice life basically. I was pissed because as a nurse that works every other weekend, had to make a bunch of switches to go to the game and he knew that. I also assumed he would try to win me back instead of accepting the boot.

Then on Facebook (relationship killer, i know)  I saw that his dad tagged both the guy and another girl in thanking them for a great weekend. When I asked who the girl was, he explained it was the other girl he was seeing and no, he did not take her to the game in my place, he had taken her to the Red Sox and she met his dad with him for a few drinks. I unleashed. Totally went nuts and it went back and forth between, he didn’t want to see me, yes he did, I didn’t want to see him, yes I did. The convo ended with him buying tickets to a concert for us. Being embarrassed about how crazy I went, I ended up cancelling on the concert. I assume he took the other girl instead.

2 days of no contact, i sent him an apology text about how crazy I went and how sorry I am, and that I was just so stressed from court (with my ex) and I would hope he’d be up for getting a beer with me later in the week. I also said, I hope to hear back from you, but if not, good luck with everything and that I genuinely meant that. I didn’t hear back from him. That was now 6 days ago.

I deleted him from my Facebook and unfollowed him on Instagram because I didn’t want anything else popping up on my newsfeed. He still follows me on Instagram and snapchat so I’ve tried to keep my posts to a minimum.   I will continue the no contact rule, because 1- it’s the only way I’m going to make him miss me and 2- he may not want to hear from me anyway. but I feel like I need someone to tell me exactly how it is. Do I text him in a month to say hi? Or do I just leave it and lose one of the greatest connections I felt I’ve ever had?  Sincerely, Kristine

 Let’s all stop and give Kristine a big round of applause for making it this far in the No Contact Period. We know he still has feelings or he wouldn’t still be following you on social media. So there’s something here to work with. The next few weeks are the hardest, because you want to text him or call so badly, but are still in that zone.

What you’ve done right so far….

Don’t succumb to folding the No Contact Zone.  Kristine is being smart here about what she is posting on social media, so she doesn’t send any wrong or mixed messages to someone that she cares about very deeply.  She has owned her part in the relationship, and the relationship demise. She has apologized, and tried to move past it.

When it comes to fixing past mistakes, that’s all you can do. What he does with it from this point forward is on him, not you. So you’ve done everything, and by that I mean everything, right so far. You’ve been very clear in your intentions, as has he, and you two clearly know how to communicate to each other. It’s okay to get upset with him sometimes. That’s called being human. But you’ve both demonstrated your ability to be clear and real with each other. That’s a huge relationship accomplishment in itself! Thank you for serving as a good example to all women seeking dating or relationship advice in similar situations.

So that’s what you’ve done right. I am not going to take a leap and say you have done anything wrong, either. You have done everything right. So let’s have a look at your next question.

What do I do after the No Contact Zone?

The one thing to do after the No Contact period is up is to touch base. Once you are past the 30 day mark, you are out of the zone. You can feel free to contact him. Follow your heart here. I can give you a sample text to use, but I think you’ve got this one covered. Invite him for a drink if you are feeling bold and that is what your heart is telling you to do. Or just send a text that just says, “Hey, remember me? Been thinking about you and wondering how you’ve been.”

If you are feeling even more bold than that, bring up the commitment issue. What have you got to lose? Well, if he doesn’t want the same thing, you might lose him. For now. But after a month of you making him miss you, things may be different for him now. And if he doesn’t want the same thing, now you know you don’t need to waste more time on him. Thank him for the learning experience of an awesome connection, and move on to find the guy that will give you an even better one, a committed one.

But I have a hunch that this guy may surprise you. Check out our instructions on How to Get Your Ex Back AFTER the No Contact Period. See? Your question is more common and relatable than you think. Let us know what you decide to do, and how it goes for you! Readers, do you have anything to add to this relationship advice?

 

How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back When You Are Dealing With Mixed Signals Guy

There are enough issues on the road to life, love, and happiness, that even when you are presented with the black and white of it, it can still be pretty confusing. But when you are given the grey matter in your daily matters, life can seem nothing short of chaotic. Unfortunately, when it comes to matters of the heart, very few things come to us in black and white. Wouldn’t it be absolutely wonderful if we were given black and white roadmap when dealing with our love affairs? If he says this, he means this. If he does this, he meant that. Of course it would, but we, as humans, don’t really work that way. Although this could be a big complaint in the world of romance, if we did work that way, life would be really, really boring. At the same time however, human behavior as grey as it can be sometimes, can be pretty predictable as well. That’s why many of the methods I discuss for those wanting to know relationship advice for mixed signals guy really work. Because of that predictable nature of human relationship.

Today I am going to address a reader’s concern on how to deal with things when things don’t seem so predictable. Many of you write in talking about the same guy. No, I’m not saying you are all dating the same man. But many of you are all dating the same type of guy. You know the guy. If you haven’t dated him yet, you may well before you find The One. His name? Mixed Signals Guy. Nothing aggravates me more than when I am dating a guy that says one thing, and does another, and that’s exactly the trademark of Mixed Signals Guy. We have a reader dealing with one, and let’s look at her problem and get to the brass tax of it. Here’s what she says:

I was dating my boyfriend for 6 months and we literally had the time of our lives together. We always made each other happy and he was very respectful and I loved it! Then I had surgery done and he disappeared after that and never spoke to me till 3 months later. When he spoke to me yea I was bitchy because he made a douchebag move but he let everything out. At this moment we are friends and it’s been 7 months since we last dated. We’ve tried to talk(date) again but it didn’t work out as how we wanted it to. He ended up becoming really busy with work and just said that he’s too busy for a girl right now. Alright, that’s fine. He also said he doesn’t want each other to try forcing to make this relationship work and in the future whatever happens,happens. And I completely agreed with him.

I see him twice a week at the same spot and he always talks to me like how he would when we were dating and he always touches me like my leg and biting me an stuff just to mess around. He walked me out to my car yesterday and we ended up hooking up (just making out) and I didn’t want to and I wanted to stop so badly and tell him this isn’t what we should be doing we both agreed not to do this. It was just very awkward. So I texted him later and was like what was that and he said Idk. And I was just texting him like you can’t keep doing this and he’s like I like you but I don’t want a relationship. Okkkkkkk so if u like me and don’t want a relationship why would you do that. He said he cares but sometimes his actions take over. Alright sooooooo what do I do. We still have light feelings for each other and I don’t want to let him go. Hes a great guy.

What do you think, ladies? This one at first glance is actually a bit of a no brainer. I know the reader in question doesn’t necessarily agree, because she’s in the middle of it. We’ve all been in that middle, trying to figure out why he’s saying one thing and doing another. But the truth is, he’s actually being a lot clearer than our dear reader wants to admit.

We’ve all been there.

But when it comes to relationship advice for women that are dealing with Mixed Signals Guy, my advice is always, agree with him, thank him, and move on your merry way. See, this is where that handy little tip of, you teach people how to treat you goes a very long way. Right now our reader is teaching him that it’s okay to keep walking all over her like this, when the truth is, it isn’t. How do we know this? Because she has accepted the yo-yoing back and forth and not given him the boundaries she needs to feel secure in this relationship.

I’m going to translate some of his mixed signals for you.

“I like you, but I don’t want a relationship.”

What he’s saying is, I like you, and I don’t really have anyone else that I like more in my life right now, so I want whatever I can get from you right now….without a commitment.

“I care, I definitely do, but sometimes my actions take over and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

Dear reader, is he 4? Because 4 year olds don’t have the developed neocortexes that adults have, and they do act impulsively and honestly can’t help it. If you are dating a 4 year old, stop. If you aren’t, tell him to grow up. He is a grown man with a mind of his own and absolutely can stop what he is doing if he knows it is going to hurt you. Which he does know, or he wouldn’t be giving you these lame excuses.

You say, “We still have light feelings for each other and I don’t want to let him go.”

Here is my translation of your statement, dearest reader. “I really like him, and don’t really know where he stands with me, and I am afraid that if I don’t let him go and pursue other options that I won’t find any other options and I will have let go the one guy that at least liked me a little.”

Ring true for you? We’ve all said that, felt that, experienced that. But the truth of the matter is, when you translate your own fears, you see the cold hard truth. You are settling with this guy.

The truth is, you deserve a guy that is screaming from the mountains, I’m crazy about her! I can’t get enough of her!! I want to be with her and only her!

What you DON’T deserve, is being fully invested in something when the guy is responding with, “I love making out with her! I love hooking up with her! I am crazy about the fact that I finally met someone who is letting me have my cake and eat it too!”

You also mention that he’s a great guy. While I don’t know him personally, I am going to disagree with you on this one based on the information you have provided. Great guys do not leave their girlfriends hanging for three months after they had surgery. If he did that to you once, he will do that to you again. Do you really want to wait for that to happen when you are engaged or married?

Does this situation make more sense to you?

The next time he slips up and tries to lose control of his actions, nip him in the bud. If you truly want to get your boyfriend back and in a loving and much more committed way, you need to show him and explain to him that the only way to do that is to make you his own.

The next time this happens, and you are texting him telling him this is unfair, wait for his response. It will look exactly like the first one. “I am happy with no commitment, and if you want to keep making out with me, you have to be happy with that too.”

Your response needs to sound like, “Okay great, thanks for spelling things out for me. Been great hanging with you but truthfully, I’m looking for something more. I do think you’re great, a great kisser even, but I need more. I know you care about me and want me to be happy, so I am going to go look for my happy. Let me know if a relationship is ever something you’re into, and if I’m free, I will let you know. You know how it is, in the future, whatever happens, happens, right? Until then, best of luck.”

I guarantee you his eyes will pop open very wide as soon as he sees that message.

What do you think dear readers? Did I miss something? This is one of those situations where you need to remember that YOU, not HE, is in control of your relationship and romantic affairs. So take your power back, and teach him how to treat you. Good luck, and please do keep us posted!!

Relationship Ninja Techniques to Make Him Miss You

Okay, so the worst has happened. 

At least it feels like the worst and the end of the world to you.  Instead of planning your winter vacation with the love of your life, you are trying to figure out how to get your boyfriend back.  It’s okay, we’ve all been there.  We’ve all wondered at one point or another how to make him miss you after he’s given the big heave-ho to you. 

Right now, you aren’t thinking straight.

You think you are, but you aren’t.  All you can think about right now is how sad you are, and how being back together with him is the only thing that will change that. How close am I on how you are feeling? 

We’ve all been there. 

Because you aren’t thinking clearly, we are going to clear up that muddled hotbed of emotions you are going through to help you and so that you can get your boyfriend back.  But how?  

It’s time for Relationship Ninja

Let’s face it. You’re in pretty dire straights if you are online trying to find ways to make him miss you.  Or trying to make your ex boyfriend miss you without looking like the needy clingy girl. 

Again, that’s okay.  We’ve ALL been there. 

But the sad truth is that trying to reason or convince him into doing so is going to work against you.  So what you need to do is step away from all matters that seem logical and rational to you, and follow these Relationship Ninja techniques that will make him miss you. 

If you want to get your boyfriend back, what you have to do is tap into that part of the mind that loves you, this will help make him miss you… and when he misses you, he will come back. 

Here are two very powerful Relationship Ninja techniques that will get his motors running again.

1.  Send him a thank you note… for breaking up with you. 

What, Michelle??? Yes. If things weren’t clear and you never found that infamous “closure” that all breakup-ees seek, this will be a cinch.  If you both are confused about “what happened” or “who broke up with who”, make it official, and break up with him. 

Or, if things are a little more crystal clear than you would like, do the opposite of what you want to do, and send him a thank you note for breaking up with you. Thank him for what he taught you to learn and grow and be a better and bigger person, and wish him all the best.  Yes, it sounds final, but it will make him miss you. 

Why?  For starters, if you do it with the right intent, you are now officially the bigger person, and have some serious points on your side.  This is a good position to be in, because the other side of this is that he will take it as rejection, and rejection is a very powerful tool when it comes to breakups. Ask any man OR womam. It makes the other party go running back in the opposite direction they started in, hopefully, right back into your arms.

You know this because of how you reacted when he dumped you.  You didn’t want to be rejected. You wanted validation that you were still lovable.  Do the same thing to him, but be the bigger person about it, as nice as possible, and….if nothing else, it will get him thinking.  What he will be thinking about is how to reverse this rejection in his favour so that he doesn’t feel so rejected any more.  Chances are, you’ll be the first call. “Hey, I just got your note, that was nice, so…what was that about? And….how are you?”   Send that note. Wait for the call.

2.  Have some fund and start dating again. 

Yes, of course this makes it seem counterproductive to YOU, you don’t want another boyfriend, you want to get your boyfriend back. RELAX. This is a Ninja technique. 

Where you once started with rejection in step one, now you are going to use the powerful tool of jealousy.  You’re starting to get it now? 

 What you want to accomplish with this step is very simple.  You want to make the point that you are moving on with your life. You are sending the message that you don’t need him, that you don’t even need to win him back, because you are fabulous, and now it’s time for the rest of the world to see that.

Do you see the true power of Relationship Ninja?  It’s about you. 

Instead of trying to figure out how to make him love me, try and figure out how to love you.  You don’t know how this is going to work out, but you do know one thing, you need to move on with something at some point.  A true Ninja has not only stealth in their favour, but true intentions. 

Follow these Ninja techniques with the truest of intentions, and you’ve got a very good shot at making him rethink a few things.