Relationship Advice: How to Make Him Miss You When He’s Playing Facebook Games

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Relationship Advice After Facebook GamesOh boy.  I’m not sure why, but relationships today have a lot more game playing in them than they used to.  People are trying to make him miss you or get their boyfriend or girlfriend back in such nefarious ways today.  It almost feels more like a “get back at my boyfriend or girlfriend” situation rather than a “get my boyfriend back” scenario, in many cases.  And I’m not even referring back to the 1920’s or 1950’s.

In the 1990’s even, relationships were much easier to deal with than they are today. I do not know what the bigger reason for this is, but I do suspect that social media plays a big role in this.  Check out our previous article on this, Facebook is not your diary. Social media is used for a lot of gameplaying and relationships, and today we have a reader that has a question about this.

While it is not to be used for game playing in relationships, or at least that’s not something that I recommend, social media can still be a useful tool when you want to make him miss you. Social media in many ways actually makes it very easy if you’re trying to find out how to get your boy friend back. And one of the reasons for that is a little concept known as “social proof.”

But this concept of social proof can really wreak havoc on relationships. And we have one of our readers today that is experiencing just this. This is a reader has a little bit of everything involved in her relationship troubles. We have some game plan going on, we have some cheating going on, and we also have some social media nonsense going on.  Now if you are looking for ways to get your boyfriend back, or are trying to figure out how to get your husband back or how to get your ex back, social media game playing is one way to do this. Again, it’s not something I recommend. But it does happen.

But smarter way to go about this is to use social media as a tool to get closer, not farther apart. That’s what it’s for! So today we’re going to talk about how to use social media wisely when it comes to relationships, and to offer some relationship advice on what to do if you find yourself on the receiving end of some social media games.  Let’s have a look at Sarah’s story.

We are in a long distance relationship, I’m 49 and he is 42. We see each other every two months and alternate who drives to who, we video chat daily sometimes more than once and he calls me to say goodnight every night for over a year. We laugh and have a great interaction I just don’t like that he follows strippers (local and non local) on his social media.

It’s the only thing we argue over and he stands firm that it is nothing and its his page he isn’t going to change it. He finally made his friends list private to keep me from hurting myself by looking. This past weekend he was going out (he hasn’t been to a club in the time we have been dating) to celebrate his nephews birthday and it was a club where these strippers work.

I tried to ignore the feeling and not bring it up but I couldn’t swallow it anymore. It caused an argument and he said he is going to have fun and nobody was going to stop him. I told him I don’t care if he goes I just wanted him to assure me I didn’t have anything to worry about. instead he got mad and said good bye.

I didn’t hear from him that night or the following morning to I texted him and told him I deserved better. he changed his Facebook to single but still has pictures of me and him up there. I wanted to show him how much this is disrespecting me and hope it might prompt him to change.

See what I mean? A lot going on.  First let me say how much I love social media, Facebook, and all of the wonderful tools that technology has to offer us and our relationships today. They can be wonderful things. But at the same time, social media can be a complete disaster when it comes to relationships. Like our article, Facebook is not a diary, I also want to say that Facebook is not a barometer for measuring the status of your relationship. It’s handy, when you want to brag about a big relationship events moments in your life. But what I see all too often, and more often then I don’t, is women get hung up on little nuances on social media when it comes to their relationships. And men too, obviously, hence this letter today.

The Social Media Variable

“He’s got a picture of me up, that must mean he’s planning her wedding. He doesn’t have a picture of me up, that must mean we’re done and over. I woman who I don’t recognize just liked his photo, that must mean he’s cheating shirt.” Follow what I’m saying? Little nuances that happen on social media have a tendency to send women into a downhill spiral.

As they should. A committed boyfriend does not make his friends list private to spite his girlfriend. What is this “I did it to not hurt you” about? No.

I do not like this.

I do like that you told him that this was disrespectful. Because it is. Let’s take the strippers out entirely, not a sentence I get to say everyday, but let’s do that. This is game playing on social media.  You. Absolutely. Deserve. Better.

But let’s get logical about this, because despite his valiant attempts at saving your emotions, they are running wild anyway.

Not only is Facebook not a diary, it’s not a microscope on every little thing that’s happening in your lovers life or your boyfriends life or your husband’s life. For all you know, the woman that just liked his photo could be a third cousin that he just reunited with after having never met her his whole life. I don’t know if there have been any studies on the topic or not, but I do think that women make more out of things that happen on Facebook and social media then is necessary.

But when Prince Charming is blocking his friends list from you to spare your heart, who can blame you??

Be logical though. Just step back from this entirely.  He’s not even worth lighting into. But do talk to him about it. But do so after calmly and rationally and logically gathering the facts before you jump to any erroneous conclusions that you’ll draw that will derail your relationship hopes faster than any other second woman could.

Teach him how to treat you.

That being said, I want to address other issues in this letter. So we have some cheating going on, we have a long distance issue going on, and we have all kinds of crazy things happening on social media. First, Sarah, my first question to you is why do you want to be with this man?

You ask me how to make him respect you. I can’t do this. You can’t do this. He needs to make that choice. But you can certainly lead him in that direction. Don’t just say you need to be respected, show him.  Check out our article on the 3 dating mistakes you might be making before you touch base with him or do anything, first.

Do you want to know how to get your boyfriend back after this big mess. Is that possible? Yes. You had a solid foundation of communication, and regular communication with that, and you have a solid foundation on which to build. So this is a good thing. You have probably had more communication in a relationship then many in person relationships have on a daily basis. So this is another great thing!

But then the games.

Then we have this big mess on social media with strippers and blocking messaging and angriness and all sorts of things like this. If Facebook didn’t exist, my guess would be that you two would still be together today. So take Facebook out of the equation for a little bit and just focus on what you need to do to bring back this communication in your relationship. Of course, for this specific case I’m going to recommend The No Contact rule.

For you, this means blocking him on Facebook. I know this is probably the last thing that you want to do, because you want to creep his Facebook and check out if he still looking at all those strippers and things of that nature. I know. We allll know.  (Because we do it too.)

But this is just not the best course of action for you to take. Removing any possibility of letting Facebook upset you in this relationship is your best relationship advice you were going to get. The reason being, if you can’t see what he’s doing, then it can’t upset you. On that he is right, but he doesn’t get bonus points for hiding his strippers from you to spare your feelings.

In fact, he loses even more points because by even saying that he knows for you to see that would be disrespectful. He keeps doing these things because you let him. So stop letting him. Block that.

Don’t freak out about that. If you are broken up, you actually have no right to see what he’s doing.  He’s right about that too. But again, no bonus points. Take comfort actually, in the fact that you can’t see his Facebook anymore. You will find much peace of mind with this. As well, and here’s the best part, you’ll be cutting off his opportunity to look at yours too! And that’s a great way to get the ball rolling to make him miss you and get your boyfriend back. If he tries to creep your profile, and he probably is, when he won’t be able to that well send him a little Squirrley.

Stay in the No Contact phase for at least 30 days, meaning don’t allow yourself any contact with him whatsoever for 30 days. Not by Facebook, not by text, not by email, nothing. Keep him blocked from your Facebook for at least 30 days, and give him some time to think about what he’s done! He’s been playing some serious games with you! Teach him how to treat you! Teach him that this is not OK, and you will remove the opportunity for him to see your Facebook.

The social proof.

Now we’re getting to the social proof of the equation. During those 30 days, begin enjoying your life. Have a look at some of our articles on how to stay true to the No Contact rule. Enjoy your life, and take lots of pictures of it, and post them to Facebook!  This is not playing games, this is you having a life and submitting social proof on it.  Then, after 30 days, unblock him from Facebook. Do not cave on this and do not unblock him sooner than those 30 days is up.

Wait a few days after that 30 day period is up, and just wait and see if he comes to you after he realizes that your Facebook has been very busy, and you’ve been having all kinds of fun unbeknownst to him, while he was blocked. If he doesn’t contact you, don’t be afraid to contact him. But again, as I say to everybody launching the No Contact zone, and coming out of that No Contacts zone, be very casual and breezy with how you approach him.

Remember, he may be a little upset that you blocked him. Granted, he doesn’t have a right to be. So if he tries to pick a fight with you about that, shut that down. Don’t get into a fight with him about it, but instead, almost act like you didn’t hear him, or just shrug it off. “Why are you so concerned about my Facebook page all of a sudden after you blocked me?” Shrug it off, change conversations.  When you do contact him, keep your contact easy and casual. Sent him a funny video, send him a link to a movie you want to see, things of this nature. Don’t say much, just touch base with him and say something casual like, “just wanted to know what you’ve been up to, hope you are well.”

Again, do you not bring up any of your previous problems, as neither one of you wants to be reminded of those. But if you do this, not only will you make him miss you, you will make him crave you. A woman that demands respect from her partner is very attractive.  When he sees you’ve been sharing that with the world without him, he will reconsider his options too. Put your foot down about the strippers, and keep it there. You may want to review my tips on how to know it’s time to walk away.

You’ve got to take control of the situation if you want to get your boyfriend back, and these are my recommendations. Dear readers, how do you handle came playing in relationships on social media? Have you ever been in this kind of situation?  Ask me a question, or I’d love to hear your stories below.

 

 

Dating Advice for Women: How Do I Get Him Back If He’s Not My Boyfriend

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Dating Advice When He's Not Your BoyfriendThere is nothing more frustrating in the dating game than scaring a guy off, and then running like a hamster on the wheel to try and get your boyfriend back. If you really want to know how to get your boyfriend back after you have scared him a little bit, you’ve got to give him some space.  This is the hardest relationship advice and dating advice for women to accept, because our intuitive desire when something like this happens is to try and fix things.

But at the other end of the line, there is a person that right now needs space, and doesn’t want things to be fixed. The only way you can make him miss you, is to actually make him miss you by giving him the space that he obviously needs. And sometimes signals got crossed along the way. Sometimes we only date someone a few times, but realize this is someone with some amazing potential, and will do anything to keep that person in our lives. But unfortunately, that “doing anything” to keep him with you, is exactly what will drive him away.

The most common time for these mistakes in a relationship is early in the relationship. And as I always say, if you feel something magical and if you feel a spark, the chances that the other person does too is very real and tangible. But you cannot rush a spark along, or you’re going to wind up with a big explosion. So if you want to get someone back, that you’re not even sure where they stand with you because it’s early, you really have to tread lightly.

We have a reader involved in this very sort of scenario. The dating relationship is very early, but on the plus side for her, she has already met his mother. As we all know, this doesn’t happen often unless the guy is thinking seriously. But at the same time, meeting someone’s family is not your cue from Universe to dive in and push that spark into a full-blown explosion. And it looks like this is what’s happened here with our reader. Let’s have a look at Judith’s story.

Would the No Contact rule work, if he is not my boyfriend?

We were just talking for a month and a half, we went on four dates. I met his mom.

I was extremely desperate after he asked for space, and the last text I sent him was extremely long, telling him I want him back and I apologized and how much I appreciated him and hopefully we could see each other. But its been a week a few days, I haven’t heard. Before that message I had texted him a few days earlier and he hasn’t replied to my last text if he was interested. I think I scared him off, but I really want him back.  Judith

So here we have a situation of a relationship and its very early stages, but with some promise. We have a relationship where four dates happened in a month and a half, and that’s pretty good progress in itself. That’s a lot of contacts for two people that are just getting to know each other.  Then she met his mother.

Where this relationship went wrong

I suspect that it was at this point in the relationship where things went sour, because mixed signals were being sent all across-the-board by both parties. I’ve talked about Mixed Signals Guy before.  I really try to suggest not meeting family members until you have a known commitment in place that you both have discussed and talked over, and have made that commitment together. But life is life, and today’s family is so much different then family life of generations of yore, and sometimes you just can’t control this.

I don’t really know what the exact situation was as to how you met his mother, or what the circumstances were. Was it an accident? Did you happen to see her when you stopped at his house one day to pick up a sandwich or watch a movie or something? Was it a planned meeting where you all knew that this was going to be a big moment in your dating experience? I don’t know. So it’s hard for me to make any assumptions at all on how meeting his mother plays into your overall relationship outlook.

That being said, it is still a very good sign that you met his mother. But if things went sour shortly after that I have a few possible reasons for this.  I think what happened at this point in the relationship was that you both started feeling some pretty intense feelings, but they weren’t the same intense feelings. And then when you, Judith, began to share your intense feelings, it freaked him out and he put you at arms length.  And then eventually, he cut you off all together. Ouch. Sorry that happened.

This is not to say that I think you did anything wrong. I think it’s perfectly natural for any woman in a relationship to begin to raise their expectations after they’ve met family members of someone that they’ve had four dates with in a month long period.  I think any woman would think and feel and react the same way that you did. And this is why communication is so important in relationships. It’s very easy to make assumptions about where a relationship is going after an experience like that. This is why I always say you should never make assumptions unless you have both had this conversation or communication with each other about what this particular step in your dating life means.

I’m guessing that you did not have this conversation with him.  Now you are left a little confused and as you said yourself, desperate.  But this is a relationship that is not without hope.  Four dates is a lot, and if he likes you enough to keep seeing you at this pace, my guess is that if you were that same girl that you were during that month and a half time frame, he would have those desperate moments erased and replaced with those good memories. And this would be a good foundation for you to build on to make him miss you and get your boyfriend back.  And yes, I think it is safe to call him your boyfriend, but you are in a bit of a break up. Right now, and you need to use this time wisely. But hope is not lost here!

What you need to do

The one thing that you need to do right now, Judith, is give him space. Put down the phone, girlfriends.  Something weird happens to us ladies when we are trying to connect with someone, and they don’t respond. Our heart rate increases, our emotions get on that hamster wheel again, and we begin thinking and questioning and analyzing wondering what the heck is going on. This is the wrong space to be in if you really want to know how to get your boyfriend back. You need to be the cool calm and collected girl, that he obviously went crazy about. So the best way to get back into that cool, calm, and collected girlfriend mode, is to be cool and collected. And that means No Contact right now. Don’t make one of these common dating mistakes and break on this.

Do that for a month. In the meantime, have a look at some of my articles on what to do during the No Contact zone. Fill your life, make yourself very busy and distract yourself so that you’re not thinking or obsessing about this person. And stop texting him. Text everybody else in the world, but do not text him. Let some time pass, I always suggest a month, and THEN reach out again.

When you do reach out again, do not speak about any of your prior problems. Be casual and breezy, and remember to be cool and collected. Send him a funny cartoon that you saw, send him a news article that you want him to look at, just touch base with him in a very casual way that lets him know that you’re thinking of him, and you’re not acting desperate.

Sometimes we women overthink these things. And the best relationship advice is usually the most simple relationship advice for women. If you have scared him off, it is time to not act scary. And sometimes we act scary without even realizing it, because our emotions are in overdrive. Frankly, your emotions are warranted. If a guy introduced me to his mother, and then blew me off, I would have a few problems with him.  And honestly, I might not be all that desperate to get him back if this is the way that he treats me after such an experience. But I don’t know what the circumstances were there, only you do, Judith.

Right now, you need to teach him how to treat you, and that is going to happen by giving him the space that he obviously wants. Then, if after a month you still think a guy like this is worth your time, then shoot him out a text or an email that is very casual and breezy. And let us know what happens! Dear readers, do you think it’s fair that a guy blew her off after meeting his mother? What would you do in the situation? Has it ever happened to you? I’d love to hear more stories on this!

 

Dating Advice For Women: How to Make Him Miss You Without Sounding Needy

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Relationship Advice After Needy PeriodsHere is a question that we get a lot! How do I make him miss me without sounding needy and desperate?  The reason that we get this question a lot is due to the fact that many relationships end when a man starts feeling like someone is being needy and desperate.  Women and men function differently in relationships, and we may have the same needs and desires, but we express them differently. Women like to know regularly that they are cherished and appreciated. Men do not need this constant reminder.

They need to be cherished and appreciated, but how they seek out the means to meet those needs is much different than the methods that women use. So this is a very common problem in relationships, and something that many women need relationship advice about.  If your relationship ended because he perceived you to be acting needy and desperate, there are ways to undo this and get your boyfriend back. We have a reader who is a perfect example to show us all how to get your boyfriend back after a needy or desperate time.  Let’s have a look at what Archie says.

 Hi everyone!

My ex broke up with me 5 months ago because he said I didn’t trust him enough. I was ok at first then I felt emotional and sent him hate letters and tried calling and texting him begging him to talk but he wouldn’t respond. He blocked me everywhere. I even sent him msgs filled with sorries. I waited for 2 months. In the meanwhile we had a common whatsapp group in which I stayed active ( he too.. and every time he posts something it breaks my heart again) 2 months I remained blocked. A month ago I sent him a letter about all our beautiful moments and thanking him for everything about life he had taught me, making sure I wasn’t sounding needy and desperate. I said I won’t chase him anymore and would be happy to see him happy even if its with another person. It was a 4 page letter.

For that he unblocked me on whatsapp and texted that those were some beautiful words and that it made his day. I replied with an excited smiley.

It’s been more than a month and he hasn’t texted anything since. Neither did I. I really wanna talk to him and sort things out. I don’t know if I should text him at all or stay in No Contact. Or I thought I would text him something funny or ask him a favor of some kind just to start a conversation.

please help. Archie

Here we have a five-month relationship that ended, and Archie has been given very clear reasons why. What I like about this case is that Archie has already appropriately and successfully followed the No Contact rule, and it worked! It’s much easier to repair a relationship when you know exactly what happened to lead to a break up. So Archie was given a lot of relationship advice from her own boyfriend, and she followed that advice, and ours as well, and she’s right on the brink of that magical moment of getting her boyfriend back.

What you did right

For starters, congratulations Archie on listing to your partner and giving him exactly what he needed and what he wanted. This effectively undid any memory that he had of you being needy and desperate. At first, you acted a little emotionally, and reacted to the pain of the break up and unleashed on him. He taught you how to treat him, by effectively blocking you on social media. You took that as valuable information in your relationship, and you changed your pattern. You deserve a big pat on the back for that!  After undergoing a two month No Contact phase, things started to look up.

See how this No Contact thing works, ladies?  You’ve done everything right, Archie.

The contact After the No Contact

Anyone that has been reading here for a little while knows how I approach that timeframe that occurs after the No Contact zone. The way to approach this is with some form of contact with your lover, boyfriend, spouse, or partner.  You should do this in a way that comes from a place of love with zero expectations. This is something else that Archie has done successfully.

I love this letter that you talk about, Archie, that you sent to him that was a four-page letter. When you did this, you may have been hoping for some sort of reconciliation, and maybe that’s why you did it. But at the end of the day, the primary thing that you accomplish with this is that once again, you erase any memory of him seeing you as needy and desperate.

You taught him that you do you trust him, after he went through a time that he thought that you didn’t. You also taught him that you cherished and appreciated him, and reminded him of the beautiful moments that you shared that made you cherish and appreciate him. There are few on this planet that genuinely love another person that would not appreciate a letter of this nature.

Of course there are men that are just using women for sex, and vice versa actually, and a letter like this would only lead them to feel more uncomfortable, and draw more distance between them and their partner. But I do not think this is happening here. As I always say, if there was genuine love between you and the other person, you have a wonderful chance of getting your boyfriend back. So you’ve done everything right up to here. And he taught you that you’ve done everything right up to here by promptly unblocking you on social media.  That was his way of saying, thank you for validating my feelings.  YOU did that!  Good for you!!

What now?

Well now you are in the space where neither one of you knows what to do, and neither one of you knows how to make that first step. If it has been more than a month, I don’t think you really need to stay in the No Contact zone right now. I don’t see any harm in reaching out to him with something super minor, casual, and breezy. I emphasize you want your contact with him to be super minor, and casual, and breezy. Here are some examples.

One thing you could do is send him a picture of the two of you together and tell him you ran across this while flipping through your phone albums and just wanted him to know that you were thinking of him. That’s a little bit above and beyond the casual and breezy component I’m trying to get across here, but it acknowledges that there is something between the two of you.

You could also do something really innocuous, like send him an article that you read, maybe about recent politics or a news event, with a simple question, “What do you think?”  I don’t mind saying that someone has done this with me before, and it was a very genuine and easy pathway to reconnection for us.  I don’t recommend texting him to ask him for a favor if it’s been over a month since you spoke to him. But something funny, definitely, yes. Or just something random and casual that will start up a conversation between the two of you again.

What will happen next will be your answer to all of your questions. You’ll find out if he has the same level of interest as you, and you will find out if he is as interested as you are and getting things back on track. No matter what the answer is, it will be relationship advice that you can use in this relationship, and any possible relationship you might have ahead.  What you have learned here in this experience is that listening to his needs, and responding to them, works. So keep doing everything that you’re doing, you are clearly doing something right!

The number one ticket, friends, to find out how to get your boyfriend back after this silence time is to listen to those needs of his, and meet them. You already know that being needy and desperate does not work. And don’t beat yourself up for that. We have all been there. And you are allowed to have needs too!

But moving forward, just approach these needs and a different way than you have previously. Be breezy, and be open with him about your feelings. It’s clearly working!  While you are waiting for him to respond, have a look at some of our other articles on what to do when you after that No Contact zone and waiting to learn what’s next.  Dear readers, what would you do in this situation? What have you done to reconnect with someone after No Contact?

Dating Advice for Women: How Can I Make Him (My Neighbor) Miss Me?

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Relationship Advice For Dating NeighborsWhen it comes to dating and relationships, we have all at one point or another needed dating advice when it comes to situations where we are confronted with the person after the relationship ends. Some examples of that would be like office romances, dating your neighbor, or getting involved with someone you met at a club like beach volleyball that you keep running into over and over again. This is one of the beautiful things about online dating for many, as it takes this right out of the equation and solves some relationship problems before they even begin.

But many women are still dating the old-fashioned way, and dating people that they just happened to meet when they share life circumstance. Well, one of our readers has run into a bit of a pickle with this. She was dating her neighbor, now she’s not, and now she’s stuck in this really awkward situation. Here’s Violet’s story.

Hi

I was in a very brief relationship with a neighbor, it ended because he was not upfront with me about the things he wanted from our relationship and we would have many arguments because he was telling me one thing but in reality wanted something else. After we broke up I reached out to him a couple of times and that created more problems. Also us being neighbors didn’t help as we both have neighbor friends and told them what happened so now people talk about it. Now he has hard feelings towards me. How can I change that and earn his respect? I think the best I can do is be indifferent and let him see I’m happy, maybe him seeing me with someone else. Am I right? Violet

I love it when readers answer their own questions! And I love that you come to us for relationship advice to seek validation on the choices that you are making in your relationships.  As you can see, this is exactly what Violet has done here.

How to Gain a Man’s Respect

Her first question is, how do I make him respect me? Well if we could bottle up this answer and sell it we would all be millionaires, and we would all be happy in love. But the fact remains, that you can’t make anyone respect you. That is a choice that they all have to make on their own. Can you nudge them in the direction of respecting you? Absolutely. And the answer to that is, be someone worth respecting.

Obviously, there have been a few problems with this tactic along the way, as now the neighbors are talking about you, and he’s all upset about what’s going around the neighborhood. Give him that.  I wonder, have you apologized for this?  That could be a huge step for both of you, in having a meeting of the minds when it comes to this relationship. He may be harboring some feelings or resentment because he might feel that you don’t care that his feelings were hurt but this got about town.  So for you, Violet, I would start with a very sincere and heartfelt apology that your relationship with him hit the rocks because you were excited to be with him. And that’s exactly how I would phrase it too!

Men Like to be Bragged About

Here’s the other catch. Most guys that are serious about love don’t mind being bragged about.  So I really wonder how serious he was about you to begin with. Maybe, he got upset with you because he was only using you and didn’t want the world to know.  And as Oprah would say, that’s a whole other show.

So if I were you, Violet, I would say that you still need to apologize to him, but apologize for hurting him. Tell him you didn’t think it would upset him for some neighbors to know that you guys were dating. Ask him why it hurt him so much if you are so inclined. Acknowledge, except, and validate his feelings.  And own your part in it. But it’s really not the end of the world if you talk to people about your relationship, unless you’re Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and a global crisis actually arises when your relationship is discussed.

I’m guessing, Violet, that you are not Angelina Jolie.  So personally, I don’t think you meant anything wrong by discussing your relationship with other people. But he has been hurt over it, then it is definitely a responsibility to own up and just take the responsibility there for his feelings. You can do it by saying this:

“Hey, just wanted to touch base real quick and let you know that I have been thinking about us and my role and what caused us to break up. I want to sincerely apologize to you for anything that I did that hurt you or upset you when people got wind of what was going on with us. I just want you to know, that I think you are pretty awesome and worth bragging about, and that’s the only reason I did that. But I am sincerely sorry if I hurt your feelings.  I would love it if we could start off on a fresh slate and put this all behind us. What do you think? I’m going to reflect on this for a little while and would love to hear from you.”

And leave it at that. Yes, to answer your question about being indifferent to him, that is absolutely what you need to do now. And yes, let him see that you are happy. And if you want to go on dating other people, then by all means do so. But do not enter any relationship with anybody else for the sole purpose of making your neighbor jealous. No. That is not how you were going to make him miss you, that is how you were going to make him happy that you guys broke up.

Maybe you needed to break up, and maybe there is someone out there that’s a little bit better for you. But maybe you just need a cooling off period.  The best relationship advice that I could give you, Violet, is to just own your part in his feelings, but still take the steps you need to start to be happy. Cool off a little bit with him, and give him a chance to think about this too. Check out our articles on what to do during and after the No Contact zone, and go out and live your life.  Have a look to see if you are making one of the 3 common dating mistakes.  Dear Readers, did I miss anything?  Let Violet know what you would do in the situation. Have you ever dated a neighbor? What was the awkies scale on that?

 

Relationship Advice: How to Make Him Miss You After 9 Years

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Relationship Advice To Make Him Miss YouWhen it comes to relationship questions seeking dating advice for women, one of the most common questions that we get relates to women that feel like they are putting in all of the effort. We also get a lot of questions on how to heal after cheating, or how to make him miss you after a really long time in the relationship. We have a relationship question today from one reader who is dealing with all three of these issues. She’s dealing with an on-again off-again relationship that has been ongoing for nine years, has experience cheating, and is a situation now where she is doing all the work and wondering if all hope is lost. Here’s a look at her question.

Michelle,

My ex and I have been in an on again off again relationship for 9 years now. He loves to play the victim role even when he is at fault. In our most recent breakup, he cheated on me and I found out although I told him I forgave, those were just words. Each chase I got I would remind him of the mistakes he’s made. It’s like throughout the years our gets stronger and the connection we have is undeniable. We went for a period of 3 months were he was simply ignoring me. When I finally gave it another true, he went straight for we should just be friends, nothing is going to help our situation even with forgiveness. I can honestly say that I’ve healed from the past hurts, but regret is weighing in on me, do I walk away or fight? Why am I always the begging to keep us together? He said we aren’t made for success and our relationship has run its course. He has also sad if we didn’t go through everything we went through maybe we’d have a chance, but he’s lost hope after our last argument and he isn’t ready to be with anyone no time soon. He has also said our relationship isn’t stable, so why be in it. Throughout the break up I’ve made contact and yes I’ve begged for him to reconsider and so has his family, but nothing has come out of it. Is all hope lost? Niecy

You have got a lot going on with this relationship, Niecy, and I can honestly say that if there are feelings happening in both parties in this relationship, all hope is not lost. Now, I do not know what the status is of this gentleman’s relationship right now, but I do know that if you have nine years together, there is definitely hope for this relationship.

So that’s the good news. While I don’t have any bad news per se, I do have a question that I want you to seriously reflect on. Why do you want to stay in this relationship?

This is one of those situations where it would be very easy for me to apply the No Contact Rules to you, and just advise you to wait it out. But if you want real relationship advice that will not only make him miss you, but also strengthen this relationship, I have a few pointers there as well today.

No Contact, Cold Turkey

First, you have to definitely go into the No Contact zone, cold turkey. I think it’s a good idea here to send him one last little text or email, and just let him know that you’re grateful for him, you’re grateful for the times that you’ve had, and that you’re going to respect his boundaries and his wishes and just take a little break. Because you have had trouble staying in the No Contact Zone before, he’s probably expecting to hear from you. But when he does hear from you, if he hears what I just outlined above, you will take him back a little bit. And that’s a good thing!

He’s going to be expecting you to contact him and continue your previous history of begging him to stay with you. When you don’t do that, you’re going to get his wheel spinning on this one.

Second, be sure that you never ever again remind him of mistakes that he has made in the past. He knows he cheated, you know he cheated, and your relationship is what it is today because of all of that. But no man is rushing into the arms of a woman that is always reminding them of their mistakes. No man. So let this one go. If you have genuinely healed from this mistake of his, then you won’t need to bring it up. So before you contact him at all ever again, be certain with your own Self that you are healed from this mistake of his. And if you aren’t, you’re going to need some time before you even think of giving this relationship hope again. And there’s nothing wrong with that! If you need time, take it.

Lastly, when you send him that little goodbye text or email that you will send before you enter the No Contact zone, remember to be nothing but positive. This is sort of a combination of the first two steps from above. But the little addendum that I want to add to this step is that you want to not only stay positive, but also set boundaries.

Set Boundaries

So there are ways that you can focus on what you need when you’re speaking with him, without sounding derogatory or negative. This is going to be another thing that will take him back when he reads this message of yours. The key to this is staying positive, being clear about your boundaries, and making it about you and not him. When you do this, you give him valuable information. And one man in the state of limbo receive information like this, it does trigger a switch to change if they really want to give this relationship hope. So you’re going to send him a text or email that sounds something like this:

“Hey, Frank, no I’m not writing to annoy you *wink.* I have just been doing a lot of thinking and reflecting on things related to our relationship. I feel like after nine years, it’s the least I can do for you, and the wonderful years and times that we had together. I am not ready to just give it all up just yet, but I do think that those nine years and our experiences deserve some time and thoughts. I realize now that we are on different pages when it comes to what we each need, and what we each have to offer this relationship. As such, I think I just need a little bit of a break to clear my head and think on this a little bit more. I want to thank you for everything that you’ve done for me over the years, and for giving me nine years of some very wonderful memories. You have absolutely been a value to my life. I know we all make mistakes, I have too, and I am ready to move forward in my life without focusing on the past. But I need some time to think about this before anything else happens. I need and deserve someone that is there for me 100% of the time, and supports me and his faithful to me during the entire time in our relationship. I’m just not sure that we’re on the same page right now. So I’m going to take a little bit of a break to think about it, and I promise I won’t bother you again for a little while. If you’d like to touch base and hash this out over coffee or something, I would be open to that after I have done some thinking. Until then, know that you remain in my thoughts and I wish you nothing but the best and ultimate happiness that life has to offer you. Best!”

And there you have it. So, stay positive, don’t bring up his mistakes in a negative way, make it about what you need and what your boundaries are. When you do, you will dangle that carrot in front of him that you’re still available if he’s able to meet those needs. And if he’s not, then it’s his loss. That’s a real way to make him miss you.

Yes, the No Contact zone will be very difficult for you, especially since you’ve had a problem with that in the past. Don’t worry girlfriend, we’ve all been there! So take a minute to read some of our articles on what to do after the No Contact Rule is engaged and how to stay true to it, and what to do after the No Contact zone to maintain that peaceful and harmonious vibe.

Until then, keep checking back here as we are always posting relationship advice questions, and you might see more answers that will apply to your specific situation. Dear readers, what would you do in the situation?

Dating Advice For The Soul Mate That Has Had Enough

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Ever been in one of those relationships where it just felt like you were bouncing back and forth with each other, and your feelings? Of course you have. One of the reasons so many couples have a yo-yo relationship, for years, is the soul mate factor. I am no expert on soul mates but one thing I do know about love and relationships is that if you are having the same yo-yo effect in your relationship for years, there’s a high love potential there. This could even be soulmate level. Most relationships do not go on and on like this for years, unless there is SOMEthing keeping that string going on the yo-yo. We get questions from readers about this yo-yo experience all the time. The biggest relationship advice question they have is, “We broke up and what do I do now??”

Today we are going to look at just such a scenario. We have a couple who by all counts, over the course of three years, have told each other they are each other’s soul mate. They’ve broken up multiple times, and each time they find themselves kissing each other eventually. Our reader, Amy, has noted her problems in the relationships, and has owned her part.

That’s a standing ovation from me for that! Some people go their entire lives never figuring this out, that they need to own their part. So Amy has been doing her work on her since the last breakup. Now she wants to know what to do. Let’s have a look at this story.

Its been almost 2 weeks since my ex bf split with me. We were a bit hungover on a Sunday afternoon and I started to nag and annoy him which made him flip out dramatically and him scream “I can’t do this anymore” and leave the house. I fb messaged him the next day to say he was a coward to leave me like that no real explanation and he just confirmed again saying, I just can’t do it with you anymore. I told him he was nothing to me and since then I haven’t spoken to him since.  I’m trying to give him space and using the no contact rule. But I feel like I haven’t a clue what is happening, especially in his head.  A bit about us – We have been together for almost 3 years now, we are best friends we do everything together, and that’s because we both want to…He loves the bones off me, he’s the sweetest guy does anything and everything for me emotionally and physically. He is my soul mate the only person who gets me and I get him and he says this to me 24/7. However, the last half year or so I’ve been insecure about my weight, that I have gained, I’ve had no job, he has been paying for everything helping me. I suppose I’ve got a bit lazy with myself and everything and then of course the nagging.

Last 6 months or so he has broken up with me a few times over WhatsApp/text saying we need to go our separate ways he cant do it blablabla, finding an excuse, leaving me in tears and upset. Straight away I have told him not to and said sorry things will change blablabla. Of course, he comes over and sees me and him being the beautiful soul he is hugs me and stays and we carry on the relationship just like that. But nothing changes, I don’t change. But now I am. I am working on myself, eating healthily, exercising, I’ve lost several pounds already. I’m not drinking. I really can see now what I have done wrong and how I let the fun get sucked out of the relationship because when we are happy my god, we are happy!

What do I do? I want to fix this so bad! Apart from my nagging and moaning, everything was perfect! I am on my tenth day of contact but I think I need to apologise and let him know how I feel. He could just be thinking I am angry and don’t wanna speak to him? What do I do?

 Let’s address the first question: What is he thinking?

 The answer to that is, if he’s not telling you, it’s none of your business. The other answer to that is, you don’t need to know what he is thinking to fix this.  How your relationship functions is not a function of ONLY what he is thinking. You’ve taken some steps already, Amy, that show that you know this. You know you own your part in the split. I can’t congratulate you enough for that.

Never change your weight for a guy, period. But if you know that some nagging issues have led to this demise or breakup, then you know how to fix at least your role in this breakup. If you want to get your boyfriend back, the next step is the No Contact Rule.  You say, “I am trying to follow the No Contact Rule but it’s hard because I don’t know what’s in his head.”

Again, you don’t need to for the No Contact Rule to be successful. You will learn what he is thinking by activating the No Contact Zone immediately. But you have to stay true to it. You can’t just say you aren’t going to contact him, and then give up on your Self because he texted you. The No Contact Period is for YOU to clear your head and get your stuff together. You’ve already started this. But you can’t clear your head when you are answering his messages.

He’s already told you that you are his soul mate.  Those are some serious words! You have the advantage of having true love and experience on your side.  So you can’t make him miss you by being in his face all the time. And that’s what you really want at this stage of the game.

Let’s look at your second question: What do I do now??

 You’ve answered your own question. You know you need the No Contact Period, but you just have to get committed to it.  I talk a lot about How to Stay True to the No Contact Rule. Refresh your memory on that, and make the choice to be committed to it. You want to get your boyfriend back, right? So be as committed to the process, no matter how hard it is, as you are to him.  It is for the benefit of your relationship if he sees what it’s like to go 30 days without hearing back from you.

My guess is that it’s going to be very difficult for him to do this. And through that, you will make him miss you.

Once that 30 days is up, touch base with him about something super minor and breezy. Or just say hi. Make sure you let him know that you’ve been doing a lot of work on you in your quiet time. He will really admire you for that! After he responds, I am confident you can take it from there. Let us know how this goes, we are all rooting for you! Readers, what do you think Amy should do? Have you had a similar soul mate experience?

 

 

Dating Advice: What To Do AFTER the No Contact Period Makes Him Miss You

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One of the hardest things about relationships is missing someone.  And, as you know, one of the most common pieces of dating advice or relationship advice that I have is, activate a No Contact Rule.  Why? Because it works. If there is only one tool that can make him miss you, it’s making him miss you. And the only way you can do that is through No Contact. That means zero. Zilch. None. Period. No matter how much he texts you or Facebook messages you or calls and leaves the pleading voicemails.

If he’s doing that, you have proof that you are winning in the “make him miss you” stage.  If he’s not contacting you, but you do have a history, he’s still thinking about you. That’s why the No Contact component of the Make Him Miss You mission is SO successful.  When you aren’t easy to get to, he wonders.  It’s human nature!

But that 30 day period of No Contact is really hard. I get it. While you are making him miss you, you are missing him. Dreadfully.  But what next? We have a reader who is doing very well with the No Contact rule, and just needs to know what to do when that is complete. We get this question all the time. So today I want you to see what happens when the No Contact Rule actually works. We have one reader who is about halfway through the process of the No Contact and the “Make Him Miss You” stage. The only relationship advice she needs at this point is, what next. So let’s have a look and see if we can help her out.

 I was dating a guy for a couple months. But the couple months were fast and intense. We went away for a weekend together by our fourth date. We had so much fun together, even the bartenders would come over and say they just enjoyed watching us together and listening to our conversations. It seemed like we had a real connection.  but things were early, we were both open about the fact that we were not exclusive (we were both dating another person). But it seemed like we were spending more time together and he told me he had a better connection with me. He took me to concerts, out on the town, and offered to take me to a patriots game. 3 days before the game, he texted me and told me he was so sorry but his dad was coming into town unexpectedly (from GA to MA) and he was going to have to take him instead. I was pissed but didn’t lash out. Just told him no, he couldn’t make it up to me. Good luck and have a nice life basically. I was pissed because as a nurse that works every other weekend, had to make a bunch of switches to go to the game and he knew that. I also assumed he would try to win me back instead of accepting the boot.

Then on Facebook (relationship killer, i know)  I saw that his dad tagged both the guy and another girl in thanking them for a great weekend. When I asked who the girl was, he explained it was the other girl he was seeing and no, he did not take her to the game in my place, he had taken her to the Red Sox and she met his dad with him for a few drinks. I unleashed. Totally went nuts and it went back and forth between, he didn’t want to see me, yes he did, I didn’t want to see him, yes I did. The convo ended with him buying tickets to a concert for us. Being embarrassed about how crazy I went, I ended up cancelling on the concert. I assume he took the other girl instead.

2 days of no contact, i sent him an apology text about how crazy I went and how sorry I am, and that I was just so stressed from court (with my ex) and I would hope he’d be up for getting a beer with me later in the week. I also said, I hope to hear back from you, but if not, good luck with everything and that I genuinely meant that. I didn’t hear back from him. That was now 6 days ago.

I deleted him from my Facebook and unfollowed him on Instagram because I didn’t want anything else popping up on my newsfeed. He still follows me on Instagram and snapchat so I’ve tried to keep my posts to a minimum.   I will continue the no contact rule, because 1- it’s the only way I’m going to make him miss me and 2- he may not want to hear from me anyway. but I feel like I need someone to tell me exactly how it is. Do I text him in a month to say hi? Or do I just leave it and lose one of the greatest connections I felt I’ve ever had?  Sincerely, Kristine

 Let’s all stop and give Kristine a big round of applause for making it this far in the No Contact Period. We know he still has feelings or he wouldn’t still be following you on social media. So there’s something here to work with. The next few weeks are the hardest, because you want to text him or call so badly, but are still in that zone.

What you’ve done right so far….

Don’t succumb to folding the No Contact Zone.  Kristine is being smart here about what she is posting on social media, so she doesn’t send any wrong or mixed messages to someone that she cares about very deeply.  She has owned her part in the relationship, and the relationship demise. She has apologized, and tried to move past it.

When it comes to fixing past mistakes, that’s all you can do. What he does with it from this point forward is on him, not you. So you’ve done everything, and by that I mean everything, right so far. You’ve been very clear in your intentions, as has he, and you two clearly know how to communicate to each other. It’s okay to get upset with him sometimes. That’s called being human. But you’ve both demonstrated your ability to be clear and real with each other. That’s a huge relationship accomplishment in itself! Thank you for serving as a good example to all women seeking dating or relationship advice in similar situations.

So that’s what you’ve done right. I am not going to take a leap and say you have done anything wrong, either. You have done everything right. So let’s have a look at your next question.

What do I do after the No Contact Zone?

The one thing to do after the No Contact period is up is to touch base. Once you are past the 30 day mark, you are out of the zone. You can feel free to contact him. Follow your heart here. I can give you a sample text to use, but I think you’ve got this one covered. Invite him for a drink if you are feeling bold and that is what your heart is telling you to do. Or just send a text that just says, “Hey, remember me? Been thinking about you and wondering how you’ve been.”

If you are feeling even more bold than that, bring up the commitment issue. What have you got to lose? Well, if he doesn’t want the same thing, you might lose him. For now. But after a month of you making him miss you, things may be different for him now. And if he doesn’t want the same thing, now you know you don’t need to waste more time on him. Thank him for the learning experience of an awesome connection, and move on to find the guy that will give you an even better one, a committed one.

But I have a hunch that this guy may surprise you. Check out our instructions on How to Get Your Ex Back AFTER the No Contact Period. See? Your question is more common and relatable than you think. Let us know what you decide to do, and how it goes for you! Readers, do you have anything to add to this relationship advice?

 

How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back When You Are Dealing With Mixed Signals Guy

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There are enough issues on the road to life, love, and happiness, that even when you are presented with the black and white of it, it can still be pretty confusing. But when you are given the grey matter in your daily matters, life can seem nothing short of chaotic. Unfortunately, when it comes to matters of the heart, very few things come to us in black and white. Wouldn’t it be absolutely wonderful if we were given black and white roadmap when dealing with our love affairs? If he says this, he means this. If he does this, he meant that. Of course it would, but we, as humans, don’t really work that way. Although this could be a big complaint in the world of romance, if we did work that way, life would be really, really boring. At the same time however, human behavior as grey as it can be sometimes, can be pretty predictable as well. That’s why many of the methods I discuss for those wanting to know relationship advice for mixed signals guy really work. Because of that predictable nature of human relationship.

Today I am going to address a reader’s concern on how to deal with things when things don’t seem so predictable. Many of you write in talking about the same guy. No, I’m not saying you are all dating the same man. But many of you are all dating the same type of guy. You know the guy. If you haven’t dated him yet, you may well before you find The One. His name? Mixed Signals Guy. Nothing aggravates me more than when I am dating a guy that says one thing, and does another, and that’s exactly the trademark of Mixed Signals Guy. We have a reader dealing with one, and let’s look at her problem and get to the brass tax of it. Here’s what she says:

I was dating my boyfriend for 6 months and we literally had the time of our lives together. We always made each other happy and he was very respectful and I loved it! Then I had surgery done and he disappeared after that and never spoke to me till 3 months later. When he spoke to me yea I was bitchy because he made a douchebag move but he let everything out. At this moment we are friends and it’s been 7 months since we last dated. We’ve tried to talk(date) again but it didn’t work out as how we wanted it to. He ended up becoming really busy with work and just said that he’s too busy for a girl right now. Alright, that’s fine. He also said he doesn’t want each other to try forcing to make this relationship work and in the future whatever happens,happens. And I completely agreed with him.

I see him twice a week at the same spot and he always talks to me like how he would when we were dating and he always touches me like my leg and biting me an stuff just to mess around. He walked me out to my car yesterday and we ended up hooking up (just making out) and I didn’t want to and I wanted to stop so badly and tell him this isn’t what we should be doing we both agreed not to do this. It was just very awkward. So I texted him later and was like what was that and he said Idk. And I was just texting him like you can’t keep doing this and he’s like I like you but I don’t want a relationship. Okkkkkkk so if u like me and don’t want a relationship why would you do that. He said he cares but sometimes his actions take over. Alright sooooooo what do I do. We still have light feelings for each other and I don’t want to let him go. Hes a great guy.

What do you think, ladies? This one at first glance is actually a bit of a no brainer. I know the reader in question doesn’t necessarily agree, because she’s in the middle of it. We’ve all been in that middle, trying to figure out why he’s saying one thing and doing another. But the truth is, he’s actually being a lot clearer than our dear reader wants to admit.

We’ve all been there.

But when it comes to relationship advice for women that are dealing with Mixed Signals Guy, my advice is always, agree with him, thank him, and move on your merry way. See, this is where that handy little tip of, you teach people how to treat you goes a very long way. Right now our reader is teaching him that it’s okay to keep walking all over her like this, when the truth is, it isn’t. How do we know this? Because she has accepted the yo-yoing back and forth and not given him the boundaries she needs to feel secure in this relationship.

I’m going to translate some of his mixed signals for you.

“I like you, but I don’t want a relationship.”

What he’s saying is, I like you, and I don’t really have anyone else that I like more in my life right now, so I want whatever I can get from you right now….without a commitment.

“I care, I definitely do, but sometimes my actions take over and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

Dear reader, is he 4? Because 4 year olds don’t have the developed neocortexes that adults have, and they do act impulsively and honestly can’t help it. If you are dating a 4 year old, stop. If you aren’t, tell him to grow up. He is a grown man with a mind of his own and absolutely can stop what he is doing if he knows it is going to hurt you. Which he does know, or he wouldn’t be giving you these lame excuses.

You say, “We still have light feelings for each other and I don’t want to let him go.”

Here is my translation of your statement, dearest reader. “I really like him, and don’t really know where he stands with me, and I am afraid that if I don’t let him go and pursue other options that I won’t find any other options and I will have let go the one guy that at least liked me a little.”

Ring true for you? We’ve all said that, felt that, experienced that. But the truth of the matter is, when you translate your own fears, you see the cold hard truth. You are settling with this guy.

The truth is, you deserve a guy that is screaming from the mountains, I’m crazy about her! I can’t get enough of her!! I want to be with her and only her!

What you DON’T deserve, is being fully invested in something when the guy is responding with, “I love making out with her! I love hooking up with her! I am crazy about the fact that I finally met someone who is letting me have my cake and eat it too!”

You also mention that he’s a great guy. While I don’t know him personally, I am going to disagree with you on this one based on the information you have provided. Great guys do not leave their girlfriends hanging for three months after they had surgery. If he did that to you once, he will do that to you again. Do you really want to wait for that to happen when you are engaged or married?

Does this situation make more sense to you?

The next time he slips up and tries to lose control of his actions, nip him in the bud. If you truly want to get your boyfriend back and in a loving and much more committed way, you need to show him and explain to him that the only way to do that is to make you his own.

The next time this happens, and you are texting him telling him this is unfair, wait for his response. It will look exactly like the first one. “I am happy with no commitment, and if you want to keep making out with me, you have to be happy with that too.”

Your response needs to sound like, “Okay great, thanks for spelling things out for me. Been great hanging with you but truthfully, I’m looking for something more. I do think you’re great, a great kisser even, but I need more. I know you care about me and want me to be happy, so I am going to go look for my happy. Let me know if a relationship is ever something you’re into, and if I’m free, I will let you know. You know how it is, in the future, whatever happens, happens, right? Until then, best of luck.”

I guarantee you his eyes will pop open very wide as soon as he sees that message.

What do you think dear readers? Did I miss something? This is one of those situations where you need to remember that YOU, not HE, is in control of your relationship and romantic affairs. So take your power back, and teach him how to treat you. Good luck, and please do keep us posted!!

Relationship Ninja Techniques to Make Him Miss You

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Okay, so the worst has happened. 

At least it feels like the worst and the end of the world to you.  Instead of planning your winter vacation with the love of your life, you are trying to figure out how to get your boyfriend back.  It’s okay, we’ve all been there.  We’ve all wondered at one point or another how to make him miss you after he’s given the big heave-ho to you. 

Right now, you aren’t thinking straight.

You think you are, but you aren’t.  All you can think about right now is how sad you are, and how being back together with him is the only thing that will change that. How close am I on how you are feeling? 

We’ve all been there. 

Because you aren’t thinking clearly, we are going to clear up that muddled hotbed of emotions you are going through to help you and so that you can get your boyfriend back.  But how?  

It’s time for Relationship Ninja

Let’s face it. You’re in pretty dire straights if you are online trying to find ways to make him miss you.  Or trying to make your ex boyfriend miss you without looking like the needy clingy girl. 

Again, that’s okay.  We’ve ALL been there. 

But the sad truth is that trying to reason or convince him into doing so is going to work against you.  So what you need to do is step away from all matters that seem logical and rational to you, and follow these Relationship Ninja techniques that will make him miss you. 

If you want to get your boyfriend back, what you have to do is tap into that part of the mind that loves you, this will help make him miss you… and when he misses you, he will come back. 

Here are two very powerful Relationship Ninja techniques that will get his motors running again.

1.  Send him a thank you note… for breaking up with you. 

What, Michelle??? Yes. If things weren’t clear and you never found that infamous “closure” that all breakup-ees seek, this will be a cinch.  If you both are confused about “what happened” or “who broke up with who”, make it official, and break up with him. 

Or, if things are a little more crystal clear than you would like, do the opposite of what you want to do, and send him a thank you note for breaking up with you. Thank him for what he taught you to learn and grow and be a better and bigger person, and wish him all the best.  Yes, it sounds final, but it will make him miss you. 

Why?  For starters, if you do it with the right intent, you are now officially the bigger person, and have some serious points on your side.  This is a good position to be in, because the other side of this is that he will take it as rejection, and rejection is a very powerful tool when it comes to breakups. Ask any man OR womam. It makes the other party go running back in the opposite direction they started in, hopefully, right back into your arms.

You know this because of how you reacted when he dumped you.  You didn’t want to be rejected. You wanted validation that you were still lovable.  Do the same thing to him, but be the bigger person about it, as nice as possible, and….if nothing else, it will get him thinking.  What he will be thinking about is how to reverse this rejection in his favour so that he doesn’t feel so rejected any more.  Chances are, you’ll be the first call. “Hey, I just got your note, that was nice, so…what was that about? And….how are you?”   Send that note. Wait for the call.

2.  Have some fund and start dating again. 

Yes, of course this makes it seem counterproductive to YOU, you don’t want another boyfriend, you want to get your boyfriend back. RELAX. This is a Ninja technique. 

Where you once started with rejection in step one, now you are going to use the powerful tool of jealousy.  You’re starting to get it now? 

 What you want to accomplish with this step is very simple.  You want to make the point that you are moving on with your life. You are sending the message that you don’t need him, that you don’t even need to win him back, because you are fabulous, and now it’s time for the rest of the world to see that.

Do you see the true power of Relationship Ninja?  It’s about you. 

Instead of trying to figure out how to make him love me, try and figure out how to love you.  You don’t know how this is going to work out, but you do know one thing, you need to move on with something at some point.  A true Ninja has not only stealth in their favour, but true intentions. 

Follow these Ninja techniques with the truest of intentions, and you’ve got a very good shot at making him rethink a few things.

Missing You Out of Town

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out of town
Who’s He Thinking of Now?

There is a saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and in most cases this is true.  But whenever a little distance is put between a couple, be that geographic distance or emotional distance, many women tend to think that this distance is the beginning of the end.

When it comes to geographic distance such as long distance relationships or business trips however, attracting a man or seducing a man is easier than you think.  A lot of women get very concerned when their squeeze is away, but it is these times where you can truly capitalize on what you have with him to make him miss you, and make him love you even more.  Here’s how.

Consider the case of Jenny, whose man was a frequent traveler due to business and their dates were anything but regular.  Just when she thought he was calling her to setup another date, instead he was calling to cancel because he was getting sent away again.  Ugh.

Potential freak out moment in the making. 

But did Jenny freak out? No, she didn’t.

She helped him pack, made a lunch for him for the plane, and made sure he got one last kiss he wouldn’t ever forget.

The result?

He called her every night after his meetings to let her know how exciting things went, and to tell her he had in fact found the sexy little surprise she tucked in his suitcase when he wasn’t looking.  He even had a present delivered to her door while he was away, just to let her know he was thinking of her.

Awwwww.  Lucky girl, right?

That girl could be you too, if you want to know how to make him miss you or are wondering, “how do I make him love me,” then you just need to get your game on, even when he’s going out of town.  Jenny’s guy was so stoked about how she responded to his trip that he fell in love with her — from a different city!

The key to making him miss you and loving you more while he’s away involves stoking the fires of romance without putting any pressure on.  When you attach expectations to the little things you do for him, you won’t make him miss you, you will make him feel pressured and guilty into doing something in return.  Doing something nice for men just to make their lives easier is so welcomed and appreciated by somebody that already cares about you that you will see just how easy it is to make him miss you.

In the meantime, while he is out of town, keep yourself busy! 

Yes, of course this may be the oldest advice in the books, but the reason it keeps getting repeated is because it works!  Keep yourself busy, and don’t be afraid to let him know before he leaves just HOW busy you will be.  Men like to know that their women don’t depend on them for every little facet of their happiness. So, if he knows you have other things to do (and people to be with) and think about while he is gone, he will feel a little more secure in the relationship himself because you don’t depend on him to fulfill you.

One advantage for women when their man goes away is that they have some time to do the things they don’t have time to when they are doting on their man.  They get to go out with their girlfriends, shop for as long as they want, and eat ice cream right out of the tub without worrying about getting “the look.”  When you have the opportunity to do all of these things, it’s impossible to obsess about missing him, because you’re living your fabulous life, which will only get more fabulous when he comes home.

The trick to truly make him miss you when he’s away is to focus on you (and avoid the freakout).

Just because he’s going away doesn’t mean he’s leaving you forever. Keep doing all of the things you do that make you the fabulous girlfriend and woman that you are, and you will not only make him miss you, but make him love you more.

They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder… fonder, not fungus. 😉

What seems to work best in these situations is to use the language of desire.