Relationship Advice for Long Distance Relationships: The No Contact Rule Worked!

HOw to get your boyfriend back long distance relationshipsWe love hearing about how our relationship advice for women works! And believe it or not, as often as we get sad questions of confusion, we do often get letters where our dear friends are telling us that the No Contact rule is working, and that the man is missing them. Such is the case for our friend Nancy today, who is in a long-distance relationship. He has already let her know that he misses her! Woo hoo! Good for you, Nancy!  But, what next?

The rules when you want to know how to get your boyfriend back when you are in a long distance relationship are a little more complicated then when he’s staring you in the face every day. And when you’re in a long-distance relationship, the No Contact rule is a lot easier to do. This is something that Nancy has discovered, and it has worked out very well for her.  Nancy, I want to congratulate you on sticking it through, and working out this No Contact rule. You are doing everything right, girlfriend!

But Nancy is finding herself in that gap where the No Contact rule is over, and she wants to know how to get her boyfriend back. Communication and contact has resumed, and she just doesn’t know what to do now. She is confused, and not sure where this relationship is headed.  And this is the predominant theme in long distance relationships. Here is Nancy’s story.

Hi Michelle,

I was dating my ex for six months ( we were long distance ). He became distant and cold so when I ended it I initiated No Contact.  I stayed very strong.  Now, completely textbook, he’s sending me messages about how much he misses me etc.   yet when I respond, he vanishes again.  He says he’s scared because he can’t relocate ( he lives in Denver).  So I don’t know how to bridge the gap now since I cut him off for thirty days.   He wrote me a nice text message about how I was his inspiration and how he was scared of the future with me since he couldn’t relocate and I responded back that I had to take care of myself and the relationship had become toxic.  I feel like he’s friend zoning me now with texts.  How do I stay out of ‘pen pal status’?  When I say I miss him also…..I don’t really hear from him which makes me feel like he’s still playing games .  The push pull.  When I’m available…..he takes it for granted.  When I cut him off…..he’s sad and missed me.  Ugh.  Now I haven’t heard from him in ten days and ironically I’ll Be in Denver  next week for work.  I want to reach out but all my friends say ‘don’t you dare!!!’  Help!!

Feeling confused and sad. Nancy


We have a lot of information about this relationship from this short note. Here we have two people who very clearly care about each other.  And they miss each other! You would almost think that this is the perfect relationship. As Nancy says, the No Contact rule worked like a textbook picture for her. And this is wonderful. What this tells us is that all hope is not lost here.

What I can also see from this short note, Nancy, is that there are two things that you need in order to find satisfaction in this relationship. So first off, you need some relationship advice on how to navigate long-distance relationships, when you both care about each other very much. The second thing you need to figure out, is what you actually want from this relationship. I am not quite sure that you know what you want here. You seem torn to me, but that’s not a bad thing. I think in every relationship we experience that at some point during the course of the relationship. And when you add the complication of a long distance relationship to the mix, it’s very easy to feel torn.

Should you stay or should you go?

This is not a question that I can answer for you, Nancy. This is a question that you need to answer yourself. But, having been in this situation before, I can give you a few tips and clues on how to sort this one out. For starters, you need to really think about this person, what they mean to you, and how badly you do or do not want them in your life.

When you undergo that time of reflection to really soul search and come up with that answer, I want you to take the distance out of the equation. Just do this soul-searching on the basis of this guy alone. Can you see yourself or your life without him? If so, then you know what you need to do. But if you can’t, then you also know what you need to do.

If you want things to progress here, my suggestion is that you sit him down for a skype session and just hash it out with him one way or another.  Check out our 7 ways to find intimacy with your partner first, so that you are emotionally in the right place.  Then, send a teaser text or email to gauge his temperature on the relationship and see how he responds. It could be a cute quote meme from the Internet, or just some brief but minor thoughts letting him know that you think of him and miss him. While you wait for his response, check out some of our articles on what to do after the No Contact Zone is over, and how to use that time during the No Contact Zone.

I agree with your friends, a trip to Denver out of the blue may not be the best idea. Yet. Not doing so is one way to make him miss you. You don’t want to be too available for him just yet without knowing what he really wants. But you can learn how to get your boyfriend back by just taking a few simple but casual steps that will let him know your interested.

I have hope for your case. I think in this situation he may respond exactly how you want him to. He already has before! And do let us know how this one turns out. Dear Readers, what do you think Nancy should do? How do you keep the sparks alive in your long distance relationships?

Dating Advice For Women: How to Make Him Miss You Without Sounding Needy

Relationship Advice After Needy PeriodsHere is a question that we get a lot! How do I make him miss me without sounding needy and desperate?  The reason that we get this question a lot is due to the fact that many relationships end when a man starts feeling like someone is being needy and desperate.  Women and men function differently in relationships, and we may have the same needs and desires, but we express them differently. Women like to know regularly that they are cherished and appreciated. Men do not need this constant reminder.

They need to be cherished and appreciated, but how they seek out the means to meet those needs is much different than the methods that women use. So this is a very common problem in relationships, and something that many women need relationship advice about.  If your relationship ended because he perceived you to be acting needy and desperate, there are ways to undo this and get your boyfriend back. We have a reader who is a perfect example to show us all how to get your boyfriend back after a needy or desperate time.  Let’s have a look at what Archie says.

 Hi everyone!

My ex broke up with me 5 months ago because he said I didn’t trust him enough. I was ok at first then I felt emotional and sent him hate letters and tried calling and texting him begging him to talk but he wouldn’t respond. He blocked me everywhere. I even sent him msgs filled with sorries. I waited for 2 months. In the meanwhile we had a common whatsapp group in which I stayed active ( he too.. and every time he posts something it breaks my heart again) 2 months I remained blocked. A month ago I sent him a letter about all our beautiful moments and thanking him for everything about life he had taught me, making sure I wasn’t sounding needy and desperate. I said I won’t chase him anymore and would be happy to see him happy even if its with another person. It was a 4 page letter.

For that he unblocked me on whatsapp and texted that those were some beautiful words and that it made his day. I replied with an excited smiley.

It’s been more than a month and he hasn’t texted anything since. Neither did I. I really wanna talk to him and sort things out. I don’t know if I should text him at all or stay in No Contact. Or I thought I would text him something funny or ask him a favor of some kind just to start a conversation.

please help. Archie

Here we have a five-month relationship that ended, and Archie has been given very clear reasons why. What I like about this case is that Archie has already appropriately and successfully followed the No Contact rule, and it worked! It’s much easier to repair a relationship when you know exactly what happened to lead to a break up. So Archie was given a lot of relationship advice from her own boyfriend, and she followed that advice, and ours as well, and she’s right on the brink of that magical moment of getting her boyfriend back.

What you did right

For starters, congratulations Archie on listing to your partner and giving him exactly what he needed and what he wanted. This effectively undid any memory that he had of you being needy and desperate. At first, you acted a little emotionally, and reacted to the pain of the break up and unleashed on him. He taught you how to treat him, by effectively blocking you on social media. You took that as valuable information in your relationship, and you changed your pattern. You deserve a big pat on the back for that!  After undergoing a two month No Contact phase, things started to look up.

See how this No Contact thing works, ladies?  You’ve done everything right, Archie.

The contact After the No Contact

Anyone that has been reading here for a little while knows how I approach that timeframe that occurs after the No Contact zone. The way to approach this is with some form of contact with your lover, boyfriend, spouse, or partner.  You should do this in a way that comes from a place of love with zero expectations. This is something else that Archie has done successfully.

I love this letter that you talk about, Archie, that you sent to him that was a four-page letter. When you did this, you may have been hoping for some sort of reconciliation, and maybe that’s why you did it. But at the end of the day, the primary thing that you accomplish with this is that once again, you erase any memory of him seeing you as needy and desperate.

You taught him that you do you trust him, after he went through a time that he thought that you didn’t. You also taught him that you cherished and appreciated him, and reminded him of the beautiful moments that you shared that made you cherish and appreciate him. There are few on this planet that genuinely love another person that would not appreciate a letter of this nature.

Of course there are men that are just using women for sex, and vice versa actually, and a letter like this would only lead them to feel more uncomfortable, and draw more distance between them and their partner. But I do not think this is happening here. As I always say, if there was genuine love between you and the other person, you have a wonderful chance of getting your boyfriend back. So you’ve done everything right up to here. And he taught you that you’ve done everything right up to here by promptly unblocking you on social media.  That was his way of saying, thank you for validating my feelings.  YOU did that!  Good for you!!

What now?

Well now you are in the space where neither one of you knows what to do, and neither one of you knows how to make that first step. If it has been more than a month, I don’t think you really need to stay in the No Contact zone right now. I don’t see any harm in reaching out to him with something super minor, casual, and breezy. I emphasize you want your contact with him to be super minor, and casual, and breezy. Here are some examples.

One thing you could do is send him a picture of the two of you together and tell him you ran across this while flipping through your phone albums and just wanted him to know that you were thinking of him. That’s a little bit above and beyond the casual and breezy component I’m trying to get across here, but it acknowledges that there is something between the two of you.

You could also do something really innocuous, like send him an article that you read, maybe about recent politics or a news event, with a simple question, “What do you think?”  I don’t mind saying that someone has done this with me before, and it was a very genuine and easy pathway to reconnection for us.  I don’t recommend texting him to ask him for a favor if it’s been over a month since you spoke to him. But something funny, definitely, yes. Or just something random and casual that will start up a conversation between the two of you again.

What will happen next will be your answer to all of your questions. You’ll find out if he has the same level of interest as you, and you will find out if he is as interested as you are and getting things back on track. No matter what the answer is, it will be relationship advice that you can use in this relationship, and any possible relationship you might have ahead.  What you have learned here in this experience is that listening to his needs, and responding to them, works. So keep doing everything that you’re doing, you are clearly doing something right!

The number one ticket, friends, to find out how to get your boyfriend back after this silence time is to listen to those needs of his, and meet them. You already know that being needy and desperate does not work. And don’t beat yourself up for that. We have all been there. And you are allowed to have needs too!

But moving forward, just approach these needs and a different way than you have previously. Be breezy, and be open with him about your feelings. It’s clearly working!  While you are waiting for him to respond, have a look at some of our other articles on what to do when you after that No Contact zone and waiting to learn what’s next.  Dear readers, what would you do in this situation? What have you done to reconnect with someone after No Contact?