When it comes to relationships, there are going to be fights. Even couples that have been married for 50 years fight. But the reason they are still together is because they know how to do it right. They don’t allow themselves to get ugly with the person they respect the most in the world. No matter what stage you are at in your relationship right now though, knowing how to fight fair is incredibly valuable relationship advice for women. If you are in the middle of a breakup, about to breakup, or think there is a possibility that you might not be with this person forever, you need to know how to fight fair. Every relationship has those not so great moments, and if you don’t fight fair, you are setting yourself up for disaster, and a breakup that might happen sooner than you want it to. So that’s what we are talking about today, to hopefully either squash a pending breakup in its tracks, or to prevent future ones.
Let’s face it. We get a bad rap some times.
Men call us needy, clingy, all sorts of stuff. Usually they think that we are the cat’s pyjamas until we break up. Suddenly we become psychos. Why? Chances are, we probably got a little less than pretty during that last and final fight that lead to a breakup. Think about it. Think about the last time you had a really nasty fight with a guy. Maybe just maybe that conversation did not start out on the breakup path, but it ended up that way because you said or did something that fell on the psycho side of things.
We’ve all been there.
We are the emotionally charged gender, and we do not always have the foresight to stop and think before we say or do something that is really uncalled for. Unfortunately, I do not have the magic wand that can turn back time and erase those mistakes. But I can give you some relationship advice for women that will prevent that from happening again.
Trying to get through a relationship thinking you will never fight is delusional. You will, every couple fights. But you can stay in that relationship by learning how to communicate with your man during those moments in a way that changes your perspective, and his. You both have needs in your relationship, and that is what fighting fair is all about. Here are some general tips to keep in mind.
- Never fight if you are drunk, tired, or hungry. Ever see that Snickers commercial “you’re not yourself if you are hungry”. Keep that in mind. Some people also say you shouldn’t go to bed angry. I disagree. Sometimes you need a good night’s sleep to process something someone else did. Sleep on it. Then wake up and have a Snicker’s and try and talk it out.
- Also when you are angry. See number one. Take a time out. Nothing wrong with saying, “You know what, I think I, or you, just need to take a walk. Alone. Let’s talk this out later.”
- Do not ever use the words “always” or “never” in your fights. This is generalizing, and it’s unfair. “You never call me anymore!” or “You always stay at work late and I never get to see you anymore!” Really? Is that the truth? If that were the case you wouldn’t be having that conversation. You do get to see him, just not as much as you want to, because SOMETIMES he works late. Does he really NEVER call you any more? AT ALL? Come on. He probably called to say he was working late, right?
- Never pile on issues. Just because you are mad at him for forgetting to bring home the milk, doesn’t mean that you also get to rant about how he never calls you when he’s late and how he works too late all the time anyway, and that’s why you are never in the mood anymore. He forgot the milk. If you are really that mad about it, take a walk. Then come back, and discuss the milk, and the milk only.
- Don’t interrupt him. He actually does have a say. And you hate it when he does that to you, so….don’t.
These are just a few starter tips, I will offer more for you lovelies in another post on relationship advice for women. Practice these and you will decrease your chances of becoming the aforementioned psycho. If you have any of your own fighting fair tips, drop ‘em in the comments.
And, just to be fair, stay tuned, my next post will be offering some similar tips….to the men out there.