There may have been some men applauding over a recent article on relationship advice for women that offered some tips on fighting fair. They probably thought, finally someone to show these girls how to do it right!
Well, not so fast, gentlemen.
It takes two to spar in any match. Today’s little talk is going to be in the same vein, but for you. Today I am going to give some relationship advice for men on how to do just the same thing. Ah yes, the women are smiling and leaning back in their comfy chairs with their cups of coffee and saying, let ‘em have it. Well, that’s not exactly my approach, and that’s kind of my point.
When it comes to anything in life, I like to go by the old Einstein approach. That being, the very definition of insanity can be found when you are trying to do the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
People that are in bad relationships make this mistake all of the time. Most of the time this occurs in the fighting stage. They don’t change the way they fight, so their relationship doesn’t improve. Eventually it leads to one big blowup that both of you regret. Like I said in my post for women on this topic, many times a fight does not start out as the beginning of a breakup. But it could end that way if you don’t play fair.
When it comes to relationship advice for men in terms of fighting, use these ground rules guys, and maybe just maybe you will be able to make some changes without having to call her a psycho at the end of the day.
- Try to solve the problem she has presented to you, before dragging it out. Let’s go back to the example in the post for women. You forgot to bring the milk home. She is furious. There is a chance she is over-reacting, but feeding that is only going to make your night worse. She has just spent the day cleaning the house and doing the laundry and taking care of the kids and paying the bills, and now she can’t make dinner because you forgot the milk. Offer to take her out to dinner, or step back outside the door and tell her you will be back in five… with milk.
- Never use the word nagging, or any version thereof in your fights. She doesn’t know what that means. A bright woman? Yes. A woman that loves to hear that word? No. No woman does, and no woman hears anything in any sentence after that word is used. Instead of saying, “Stop nagging me about it, it will get done!” Instead try, with a gentle voice, “You know, honey, it kind of bugs me when you ask me to do the same thing five times over in a ten minute time span. I just got home and kind of just want to chill right now, it will get done this weekend, promise.” See? You solved the problem without it escalating. Again. And she doesn’t think that you think she’s a nag.
- Just like the women’s tips, don’t pile stuff on, or highlight her errors. Of course she has also forgotten to get milk on occasion. Reminding her of that, and everything else she has ever forgotten will once again, only make your night worse.
- Keep your promises or don’t make them. If you have finished a fight or stopped one in its tracks by promising her something, keep it. Little example. One of women’s most common complaints is, “Why didn’t he call when he said he would?” Just do it. Or don’t say you will if you won’t. It upsets her when you don’t keep your promises. If you think back to the last few fights you had with her, like say, with the milk you said you would bring home, chances are you promised her something and she held you to it.
- Listen to her. This is another tip I gave to the women, for them it was don’t interrupt. For you, it’s listen. This is one of our biggest complaints about men. So don’t let that be a complaint from her. She has something to day, and since you love her and respect her, you want to know what it is, right?
That’s it in terms of fighting fair for this version of relationship advice for men. If you’ve got some tips of your own for him, drop ‘em in the comments. Now print this off for him, and ALSO show him that you have some tips of your own to work on, and let’s stop these breakups before they happen.