One of the biggest mistakes we make in relationships is comparing ourselves to others. This is natural, and called being human, so don’t beat yourself up about it if you are saying, “Uh oh, that’s me” to that. That’s all of us. How many times have you left a wedding or a 50th anniversary feeling completely dejected? Been there! That’s all of us. But doing this is so counter-intuitive to actually having a successful relationship. We are in a different era than many people whose relationships have stood that test of time. Those heroes at the fiftieth anniversary never had to deal with being blocked by someone on social media, nor will they. So comparing yourselves to them is counter-intuitive. It makes you feel worse, and also, it doesn’t actually help you to have a better relationship. So, try and kick yourself in the foot the next time your mind wanders at the next big celebration of love you have to attend.
Today we are going to look at a relationship, and see if we can learn how to get your boyfriend back after being blocked on Facebook. I know what many of you are thinking, “Why bother?” That’s a great question, and one I would ask myself. But this reader has an interesting situation. Yes, her boyfriend blocked her on Facebook. But, wait for it, he wants to find out how to see HER Facebook after he blocked her. Yep, he’s one of those special ones, ladies. We have a reader with this problem, so let’s have a look.
So I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years. And one time I was being distant because idk I just usually thought why contact him when he can contact me he told me why was I being distant then I send him a message saying because you always rather be with your friends and he never responded to my message. but honestly it makes me question our relationship because it’s been already two months that he has me blocked in social media (fb) yet we see each other at certain times. He works out of town and I will call him but he won’t answer yet when he’s back he messages me saying I’m back home. And then I asked him why did you even block me on FB and he just responded because you’re nosy AF and I was like oh okay cool yet he said let me see your Facebook profile when I was with him? So I responded hell no, you can unblock me if u want to see me and he didn’t say anything.
What you are dealing with here, dear Reader, is “Mixed Signals Guy.” I’ve already talked him. But every Mixed Signals Guy is different. This guy is clearly all about him, and not about you. This is not a healthy relationship, and it is clearly not a balanced relationship. You know this, and this is why you wrote me. Believe me when I say we get questions about social media ALL the time. So know you are not alone. Women that have been with the same guy for 50 years do not have this problem. So don’t compare yourselves to them. Here’s what to do in this situation, and it’s much easier than you think.
What to do with Mixed Signals Guy
Put him in the No Contact Zone. This guy is seriously playing with your heart. He doesn’t know what he wants! I don’t know if he doesn’t know if he’s playing with your heart, or if he doesn’t care. But I also don’t know which of those things is worse, either. You want a guy that can’t wait to show you off on social media. You don’t want a guy that blocks you, and then creeps you!
You already have evidence that he responds well to the No Contact Zone. He gets antsy when he can’t see your Facebook profile. Well, if he hadn’t blocked you he wouldn’t have that problem, right? Right. Choices have consequences and bad choices have bad consequences. Period. He chose to miss seeing your Facebook page the second he blocked you. Clearly you already know this. And let me congratulate you on doing all of the right things so far.
But he is trying to spin this as your fault. “I blocked you because you were annoying me.” That’s called gaslighting, sweetheart. He’s trying to make YOU think that it’s YOUR fault that HE CHOSE to block you, THEN creep your own profile. It’s not your fault. It’s his! Bad choices have bad consequences, for him.
I do not know this guy from Adam, but I have a very strong suspicion that he blocked you from his Facebook because there’s something there he doesn’t want you to see. He thinks he can do whatever he wants, because technically you aren’t “committed.” He wants to come and go as he pleases, call and not call as he pleases, and expects you to be ready there with your Facebook profile the second he chooses.
Nuh uh! No self-respecting woman would ever allow this. UNLESS, that woman is looking for exactly the same thing. If you want a guy that comes and goes as you do, then by all means, put up with this. Women that are confident and clear in these intentions are very progressive women. But that’s not what you want. It doesn’t mean you aren’t progressive though. When you stand in your truth and confidence, you send him the message that you don’t need these games.
There’s nothing wrong with looking for a commitment and not settling for less. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting a commitment and just doing the casual thing. But there IS something wrong if you want one thing, and Mr. Blocker is not giving it, and is still expecting you to stick around.
Follow Your Instincts
Follow those instincts on giving the distance to this guy. You have done everything right. You already have evidence that this works on this particular prize. So take it to the next level, and do it for 30 days straight, hard core, cold turkey, just be done with him in a snap for the next 30 days. I really have a feeling he is going to go bonkers. He wants to have his cake and eat it too, and he hasn’t quite accepted the fact that you are not offering this system. That’s on him. Completely on him. Those are his consequences to deal with.
But when it comes to you? Your choices have consequences too. Are you going to choose to continue accepting this behavior? I have a feeling that you aren’t. You are a progressive woman that wants some relationship advice to figure out how to deal with this man child friend of yours. Here’s a text you can send him right now.
“Hey, Boo, just wanted to say thanks for everything. I think I’m just going to leave my Facebook the way it is for now. I’ve got a lot on my plate and a lot of great things going on right now. You were right, the distraction is just too much stress. It’s been great though, just too bad that we didn’t want the same things. I think you’re great but maybe next time? If you ever find yourself on my page, give me a shout. Thanks for everything! Best!”
Boom. That will get his wheels spinning. I wouldn’t be surprised if he texted back within seconds. He’ll want to know what fun you are having. If you see him in public, smile and be courteous, polite, like you would to a passing neighbor or stranger. Don’t give him too much information. Just give him something to think about for 30 days and let us know how it goes. Readers, what do you think? How have you responded to Mixed Signals Guy?