We love hearing about how our relationship advice for women works! And believe it or not, as often as we get sad questions of confusion, we do often get letters where our dear friends are telling us that the No Contact rule is working, and that the man is missing them. Such is the case for our friend Nancy today, who is in a long-distance relationship. He has already let her know that he misses her! Woo hoo! Good for you, Nancy! But, what next?
The rules when you want to know how to get your boyfriend back when you are in a long distance relationship are a little more complicated then when he’s staring you in the face every day. And when you’re in a long-distance relationship, the No Contact rule is a lot easier to do. This is something that Nancy has discovered, and it has worked out very well for her. Nancy, I want to congratulate you on sticking it through, and working out this No Contact rule. You are doing everything right, girlfriend!
But Nancy is finding herself in that gap where the No Contact rule is over, and she wants to know how to get her boyfriend back. Communication and contact has resumed, and she just doesn’t know what to do now. She is confused, and not sure where this relationship is headed. And this is the predominant theme in long distance relationships. Here is Nancy’s story.
I was dating my ex for six months ( we were long distance ). He became distant and cold so when I ended it I initiated No Contact. I stayed very strong. Now, completely textbook, he’s sending me messages about how much he misses me etc. yet when I respond, he vanishes again. He says he’s scared because he can’t relocate ( he lives in Denver). So I don’t know how to bridge the gap now since I cut him off for thirty days. He wrote me a nice text message about how I was his inspiration and how he was scared of the future with me since he couldn’t relocate and I responded back that I had to take care of myself and the relationship had become toxic. I feel like he’s friend zoning me now with texts. How do I stay out of ‘pen pal status’? When I say I miss him also…..I don’t really hear from him which makes me feel like he’s still playing games . The push pull. When I’m available…..he takes it for granted. When I cut him off…..he’s sad and missed me. Ugh. Now I haven’t heard from him in ten days and ironically I’ll Be in Denver next week for work. I want to reach out but all my friends say ‘don’t you dare!!!’ Help!!
Feeling confused and sad. Nancy
We have a lot of information about this relationship from this short note. Here we have two people who very clearly care about each other. And they miss each other! You would almost think that this is the perfect relationship. As Nancy says, the No Contact rule worked like a textbook picture for her. And this is wonderful. What this tells us is that all hope is not lost here.
What I can also see from this short note, Nancy, is that there are two things that you need in order to find satisfaction in this relationship. So first off, you need some relationship advice on how to navigate long-distance relationships, when you both care about each other very much. The second thing you need to figure out, is what you actually want from this relationship. I am not quite sure that you know what you want here. You seem torn to me, but that’s not a bad thing. I think in every relationship we experience that at some point during the course of the relationship. And when you add the complication of a long distance relationship to the mix, it’s very easy to feel torn.
Should you stay or should you go?
This is not a question that I can answer for you, Nancy. This is a question that you need to answer yourself. But, having been in this situation before, I can give you a few tips and clues on how to sort this one out. For starters, you need to really think about this person, what they mean to you, and how badly you do or do not want them in your life.
When you undergo that time of reflection to really soul search and come up with that answer, I want you to take the distance out of the equation. Just do this soul-searching on the basis of this guy alone. Can you see yourself or your life without him? If so, then you know what you need to do. But if you can’t, then you also know what you need to do.
If you want things to progress here, my suggestion is that you sit him down for a skype session and just hash it out with him one way or another. Check out our 7 ways to find intimacy with your partner first, so that you are emotionally in the right place. Then, send a teaser text or email to gauge his temperature on the relationship and see how he responds. It could be a cute quote meme from the Internet, or just some brief but minor thoughts letting him know that you think of him and miss him. While you wait for his response, check out some of our articles on what to do after the No Contact Zone is over, and how to use that time during the No Contact Zone.
I agree with your friends, a trip to Denver out of the blue may not be the best idea. Yet. Not doing so is one way to make him miss you. You don’t want to be too available for him just yet without knowing what he really wants. But you can learn how to get your boyfriend back by just taking a few simple but casual steps that will let him know your interested.
I have hope for your case. I think in this situation he may respond exactly how you want him to. He already has before! And do let us know how this one turns out. Dear Readers, what do you think Nancy should do? How do you keep the sparks alive in your long distance relationships?