Believe it or not this is a more common question that you might think — how to get him back after acting like, well… a psycho chick. In fact, out of all of the women that I personally know, 100% of them have asked this question at some point in their lives and loves.
Why does this happen?
Because we are emotional. And when our heart is broken, or we feel that it might get broken, we become emotional AND irrational. To men, this translates into the ever not so popular psycho chick. You will find that most of my articles and posts talk over and over again about how to avoid this popular mistake. All of this involves keeping our emotions in check, as much as we can.
I will admit, sometimes that is not easy. In fact, sometimes it is downright impossible. So when it comes to NOT being the psycho chick, preventive measures are the one I practice, because even I, yes me, has been guilty of this far more times than I want to even think about.
One reader, who is looking for some relationship advice, asks how do I get him back after I was a psycho chick? Many of you may have thought this was a mistake that could not be erased. I am not going to say it can always be erased. There is a spectrum of the psycho chick that must be considered. There is the psycho chick that bursts into tears in public and calls him every name in the book. And there is the psycho chick that drives through his living room because he cheated on her. And there is the range of psycho chicks in between both of those scenarios.
Add the individual differences of men who use this term, and you have a huge definition of what this term could encompass. A psycho chick is in the eye of the beholder no doubt. I say, depending on the degree of severity regarding the psycho chick incident in question, the authenticity of that psycho chick situation, and the nature of your relationship, it can be erased. Or at least, moved beyond. Take that note on the “authenticity of the psycho chick situation” and keep that in mind when we look at our next question from a reader. She says:
My ex boyfriend of 5 years, tells me all the time, work on you (physically, mentally, emotionally)… and he also tells me do more stuff to make me want to stay home or come home. At this point, I became one of those psycho’s begging him to come back. When he says “do more stuff to make me want to stay home or come home” …. what is he referring to?? can you write about that?
Here we have a unique situation, and we will break this down. It is actually much simpler than it looks. For starters, the man in question is giving a lot of information here. He wants her to change after five years. It seems that he has provided you with a list of things that he wants you to change as well. So my first question is, what has he offered to change in order for you two to move forward? I am guessing nothing.
He is saying in no uncertain words that you are not good enough for him, after five years. Whose feelings WOULDN’T be hurt by that? He is not saying you just aren’t good enough, but it sounds like you aren’t good enough for him in every possible way – emotionally, physically, and mentally. I have to be honest here, I would go a little psycho myself if someone I was with for five years had the audacity to bring this up. But I certainly wouldn’t worry about begging for him back.
Here’s why. It goes back to my ongoing talks about having standards, and sticking to them. A man that loves you, cherishes you, respects you, and again LOVES you, would not talk to you this way. This is a man who may even be a little controlling, and wants his way or no way. You don’t have to live that way. You deserve a man who DOES love you for every little physical, mental, and emotional idiosyncrasy that you have.
It’s hard, I know.
Five years is a loooooong time. And he feels safe and comfortable and you don’t know much of your life without him. So my recommendation is that you both take a little cooling off period. When he says “do more stuff to make me want to come home” do it. Tell him you need 30 days to do it…without him. Tell him you are interested in making this work, but you need to work on you, and he needs to work on him. If he is living with you, tell him his behavior is not acceptable, and you deserve to be treated better. Ask him to stay somewhere else for 30 days, so that you two can both work on these issues individually.
One of a few things will happen here. If you stick to the No Contact Zone for 30 days AND stick to your standards and how you know you deserve to be treated, you will either breakup for good or get back together. You will learn a LOT about yourself during those 30 days, and how good it feels to be free from someone who treats you this way. You should only let him back into your life if you truly think he is willing to treat you the way you deserve. If you want to get your boyfriend back and more committed than ever, these are the steps you need to take.
See, sometimes it’s okay to be that psycho chick. When we stand up for ourselves and teach people how to treat us, sometimes we get emotional about it. It’s a touchy emotional subject. You don’t always have to bounce back from it, sometimes you do yes, but sometimes you need that psycho chick moment. Right now, your man needs a woman to change, and in this case, a woman who will start standing up for yourself.
And when you think that your behavior has truly pushed your ex away for good, it’s time to go to the ex factor.