How Do I Get Him Back After Acting Like a Psycho Chick?

psycho chick
Is this what he sees?

Believe it or not this is a more common question that you might think — how to get him back after acting like, well… a psycho chick.  In fact, out of all of the women that I personally know, 100% of them have asked this question at some point in their lives and loves.

Why does this happen?

Because we are emotional.  And when our heart is broken, or we feel that it might get broken, we become emotional AND irrational.  To men, this translates into the ever not so popular psycho chick.  You will find that most of my articles and posts talk over and over again about how to avoid this popular mistake.  All of this involves keeping our emotions in check, as much as we can.

I will admit, sometimes that is not easy.  In fact, sometimes it is downright impossible.  So when it comes to NOT being the psycho chick, preventive measures are the one I practice, because even I, yes me, has been guilty of this far more times than I want to even think about.

One reader, who is looking for some relationship advice, asks how do I get him back after I was a psycho chick?  Many of you may have thought this was a mistake that could not be erased.  I am not going to say it can always be erased.  There is a spectrum of the psycho chick that must be considered.  There is the psycho chick that bursts into tears in public and calls him every name in the book. And there is the psycho chick that drives through his living room because he cheated on her.  And there is the range of psycho chicks in between both of those scenarios.

Add the individual differences of men who use this term, and you have a huge definition of what this term could encompass.  A psycho chick is in the eye of the beholder no doubt.  I say, depending on the degree of severity regarding the psycho chick incident in question, the authenticity of that psycho chick situation, and the nature of your relationship, it can be erased.  Or at least, moved beyond.  Take that note on the “authenticity of the psycho chick situation” and keep that in mind when we look at our next question from a reader. She says:

My ex boyfriend of 5 years, tells me all the time, work on you (physically, mentally, emotionally)… and he also tells me do more stuff to make me want to stay home or come home. At this point, I became one of those psycho’s begging him to come back. When he says “do more stuff to make me want to stay home or come home” …. what is he referring to?? can you write about that?
thank you!!

Here we have a unique situation, and we will break this down.  It is actually much simpler than it looks.  For starters, the man in question is giving a lot of information here.  He wants her to change after five years.  It seems that he has provided you with a list of things that he wants you to change as well.  So my first question is, what has he offered to change in order for you two to move forward?  I am guessing nothing.

He is saying in no uncertain words that you are not good enough for him, after five years.  Whose feelings WOULDN’T be hurt by that?  He is not saying you just aren’t good enough, but it sounds like you aren’t good enough for him in every possible way – emotionally, physically, and mentally.  I have to be honest here, I would go a little psycho myself if someone I was with for five years had the audacity to bring this up.  But I certainly wouldn’t worry about begging for him back.

Here’s why.  It goes back to my ongoing talks about having standards, and sticking to them.  A man that loves you, cherishes you, respects you, and again LOVES you, would not talk to you this way.  This is a man who may even be a little controlling, and wants his way or no way.  You don’t have to live that way.  You deserve a man who DOES love you for every little physical, mental, and emotional idiosyncrasy that you have.

It’s hard, I know. 

Five years is a loooooong time.  And he feels safe and comfortable and you don’t know much of your life without him.  So my recommendation is that you both take a little cooling off period.  When he says “do more stuff to make me want to come home” do it.  Tell him you need 30 days to do it…without him.  Tell him you are interested in making this work, but you need to work on you, and he needs to work on him.  If he is living with you, tell him his behavior is not acceptable, and you deserve to be treated better.  Ask him to stay somewhere else for 30 days, so that you two can both work on these issues individually.

One of a few things will happen here.  If you stick to the No Contact Zone for 30 days AND stick to your standards and how you know you deserve to be treated, you will either breakup for good or get back together.  You will learn a LOT about yourself during those 30 days, and how good it feels to be free from someone who treats you this way.  You should only let him back into your life if you truly think he is willing to treat you the way you deserve.  If you want to get your boyfriend back and more committed than ever, these are the steps you need to take.

See, sometimes it’s okay to be that psycho chick.  When we stand up for ourselves and teach people how to treat us, sometimes we get emotional about it.  It’s a touchy emotional subject.  You don’t always have to bounce back from it, sometimes you do yes, but sometimes you need that psycho chick moment.  Right now, your man needs a woman to change, and in this case, a woman who will start standing up for yourself.

And when you think that your behavior has truly pushed your ex away for good, it’s time to go to the ex factor.




  1. Karen says

    I was dating a guy for 6 months, the first three we lived in the same city and spent pretty much every day together. At the end of January he moved across the country for job training, and in February I started my own company, needless to say between the distance and the stress of starting a new company I ended up going ” psycho chick”. I got insecure about what we had going on and he constantly had to reassure me. I went to visit in a couple weeks ago and we had a great weekend, but then, once I came home, I got insecure again and started a argument….then things ended. Instead of leaving him alone after our “break up” I called/texted/ begged to the point of extreme embarrassment. ( It went on for about two weeks, every few days.) The last time we spoke, which was about a week ago we talked for about 20 mins ( I called him) and he made it pretty clear he doesn’t want to hear from me anymore (even though after he said that he continued to stay on the phone with me for 15+ more mins, eventually admitting he missed the “old me” but after my crazy episode his opinion of me has changed.) I was under incredible amounts of stress and took it out in all the wrong ways- my question is, at this point is it a total lost cause? I understand that I need to leave him alone at this point, but is there a chance that with the NC he’ll eventually contact me?

  2. Vivien says

    We’ve been on and off for a little over a year now. I’ve driven him up the wall to the point that I found him with another girl. It’s like, when we’re together, it’s like magic! but when we’re not, we can get really messy. To be honest, I WAS a psycho chick. But I never got to show him the other side of me. The free, chilled, fun me. I was that girl on the first two months of the relationship, but afterwards, after he dumped me the first time for no apparent reason, I donno why, I just couldn’t control myself. I’ve read the no contact method, but I never followed through with it entirely. I’ve tried to, but I couldn’t. And now, he doesn’t want to talk to me, or email me, or see me at all. I’ve literally, pushed him away to this other girl, whom he only knows for like a few days.

  3. Carolyn says

    I WAS that psycho chick… we broke up in the beginning of January, never stopped saying “I love you” or sleeping together. Then mid February we got into a huge fight in a public parking lot, and he called me the extremely inappropriate name of “crazy f***ing whore”. I of course was upset and hurt, and without thinking punched him in the face, leaving him with a black eye. His entire family hates me now, even though we got back together around the first of April. things are “okayish” at best between him and I, and I’m not sure if it will get better. I’m making an effort but he is not. All the wrong moves I know. I wish there was something I could do to just put us back where we were around Christmas, pre-breakup. This is horrible now 🙁

    my only advice is DO NOT BECOME THE PSYCHO GIRL!!!! Everything goes downhill from there and you will forever feel bad about behaving that way.