What Having Standards Really Means

Okay this is an important one, and if you take nothing else from any of my other posts on dating advice for women, you should take this one.  Because if you can get this one down, you are gold in the world of dating. 


It’s a big one, because when you have these in check, you will find that you  have far fewer relationship problems than the average person who is  inclined to “let things go”. 

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been sitting over that proverbial table at the coffee shop with the girls and they are complaining about something their man did, or wanting to know what I thought “this really means” and I would bet 9 times out of 10 my response is always, “Why are you letting him treat you that way?” or “Well, you’re the one putting up with it, so…stop.”

Don’t get me wrong. I have soooooo been there, girlfriend. 

This is real world dating advice. I too have fallen for the guy and then let things go as time goes on because I cared about him.  The more time passes, the more you find you are letting more things go, and your standards have slipped to zilch before you know it.  The result?  The one that usually gets heartbroken the fastest, is me.  So somewhere along the line I heard the quote, “You teach people how to treat you.”  And hand to the Higher Power, that has changed every relationship experience ever since, and been the very best piece of dating advice for women in my life, and now, I pass it on to you.

See, it’s easy to do.  When you are in the honeymoon stage of falling in love, they meet all of the standards you set for them because they want to impress you, please you, make you happy. You don’t see any reason to…teach them how to treat you…because they are already doing everything right.

Then, things get comfortable and the real them starts to shine.  This by the way is not a post to bash men as they get comfortable in a relationship.  I think men are fantastic.  I also think that men that stop treating their women well when things get comfortable, aren’t so fantastic.

Here’s the thing.

When a man truly cares about you, and is in love with you, he also respects you.  When a man respects you, he is going to treat you well.  Kind of the same way you treat your girlfriends well. You love them, and so you respect them.  And you would never let yourself treat them with anything other than respect, or let them treat you with anything less than respect, because of that love that you share.  Even though they may have their quirks and quivers that aren’t really your style, you love them even with those perceived flaws.  And it doesn’t stop you from treating them any differently, because you love them.

That’s what real, unabiding, true love is.  The foundation is respect, and the whole picture involves everything up to and including the flaws. You love it all no matter what.  And it is reciprocal.  They love you no matter what.  So much, that they don’t stop treating you with respect, even when you do something that doesn’t jive with them. That is the very beauty of love, and yes, it is difficult to find.

The problem comes when we start settling for things that don’t meet those standards.  We allow ourselves to be treated in a way that is less than what we deserve, and then we wonder why we aren’t happy, or what we need to do to change so that he likes us better.

It’s not going to happen.  If you have been with him long enough to even be wondering about this, and a man is treating you in a way that is making you wonder what you need to change, you are looking at it the wrong way.  The only thing you need to change is to go back to your standards.  Is that love and respect still there?  If not, there are things you can do about it, but cowing to his disrespect is not the step I recommend.

If he loves you, he won’t want you to settle for less than you deserve.  It takes learning it the hard way to truly understand that this is the very best dating advice for women you can get.  You teach people how to treat you, even people that you love. Stick to those standards, and he will see your worth increase automatically, and value you all the more for it. 

Need more clarification?

This is a big one. Send me a message and let’s figure it out.