One of the hardest things about relationships is missing someone. And, as you know, one of the most common pieces of dating advice or relationship advice that I have is, activate a No Contact Rule. Why? Because it works. If there is only one tool that can make him miss you, it’s making him miss you. And the only way you can do that is through No Contact. That means zero. Zilch. None. Period. No matter how much he texts you or Facebook messages you or calls and leaves the pleading voicemails.
If he’s doing that, you have proof that you are winning in the “make him miss you” stage. If he’s not contacting you, but you do have a history, he’s still thinking about you. That’s why the No Contact component of the Make Him Miss You mission is SO successful. When you aren’t easy to get to, he wonders. It’s human nature!
But that 30 day period of No Contact is really hard. I get it. While you are making him miss you, you are missing him. Dreadfully. But what next? We have a reader who is doing very well with the No Contact rule, and just needs to know what to do when that is complete. We get this question all the time. So today I want you to see what happens when the No Contact Rule actually works. We have one reader who is about halfway through the process of the No Contact and the “Make Him Miss You” stage. The only relationship advice she needs at this point is, what next. So let’s have a look and see if we can help her out.
I was dating a guy for a couple months. But the couple months were fast and intense. We went away for a weekend together by our fourth date. We had so much fun together, even the bartenders would come over and say they just enjoyed watching us together and listening to our conversations. It seemed like we had a real connection. but things were early, we were both open about the fact that we were not exclusive (we were both dating another person). But it seemed like we were spending more time together and he told me he had a better connection with me. He took me to concerts, out on the town, and offered to take me to a patriots game. 3 days before the game, he texted me and told me he was so sorry but his dad was coming into town unexpectedly (from GA to MA) and he was going to have to take him instead. I was pissed but didn’t lash out. Just told him no, he couldn’t make it up to me. Good luck and have a nice life basically. I was pissed because as a nurse that works every other weekend, had to make a bunch of switches to go to the game and he knew that. I also assumed he would try to win me back instead of accepting the boot.
Then on Facebook (relationship killer, i know) I saw that his dad tagged both the guy and another girl in thanking them for a great weekend. When I asked who the girl was, he explained it was the other girl he was seeing and no, he did not take her to the game in my place, he had taken her to the Red Sox and she met his dad with him for a few drinks. I unleashed. Totally went nuts and it went back and forth between, he didn’t want to see me, yes he did, I didn’t want to see him, yes I did. The convo ended with him buying tickets to a concert for us. Being embarrassed about how crazy I went, I ended up cancelling on the concert. I assume he took the other girl instead.
2 days of no contact, i sent him an apology text about how crazy I went and how sorry I am, and that I was just so stressed from court (with my ex) and I would hope he’d be up for getting a beer with me later in the week. I also said, I hope to hear back from you, but if not, good luck with everything and that I genuinely meant that. I didn’t hear back from him. That was now 6 days ago.
I deleted him from my Facebook and unfollowed him on Instagram because I didn’t want anything else popping up on my newsfeed. He still follows me on Instagram and snapchat so I’ve tried to keep my posts to a minimum. I will continue the no contact rule, because 1- it’s the only way I’m going to make him miss me and 2- he may not want to hear from me anyway. but I feel like I need someone to tell me exactly how it is. Do I text him in a month to say hi? Or do I just leave it and lose one of the greatest connections I felt I’ve ever had? Sincerely, Kristine
Let’s all stop and give Kristine a big round of applause for making it this far in the No Contact Period. We know he still has feelings or he wouldn’t still be following you on social media. So there’s something here to work with. The next few weeks are the hardest, because you want to text him or call so badly, but are still in that zone.
What you’ve done right so far….
Don’t succumb to folding the No Contact Zone. Kristine is being smart here about what she is posting on social media, so she doesn’t send any wrong or mixed messages to someone that she cares about very deeply. She has owned her part in the relationship, and the relationship demise. She has apologized, and tried to move past it.
When it comes to fixing past mistakes, that’s all you can do. What he does with it from this point forward is on him, not you. So you’ve done everything, and by that I mean everything, right so far. You’ve been very clear in your intentions, as has he, and you two clearly know how to communicate to each other. It’s okay to get upset with him sometimes. That’s called being human. But you’ve both demonstrated your ability to be clear and real with each other. That’s a huge relationship accomplishment in itself! Thank you for serving as a good example to all women seeking dating or relationship advice in similar situations.
So that’s what you’ve done right. I am not going to take a leap and say you have done anything wrong, either. You have done everything right. So let’s have a look at your next question.
What do I do after the No Contact Zone?
The one thing to do after the No Contact period is up is to touch base. Once you are past the 30 day mark, you are out of the zone. You can feel free to contact him. Follow your heart here. I can give you a sample text to use, but I think you’ve got this one covered. Invite him for a drink if you are feeling bold and that is what your heart is telling you to do. Or just send a text that just says, “Hey, remember me? Been thinking about you and wondering how you’ve been.”
If you are feeling even more bold than that, bring up the commitment issue. What have you got to lose? Well, if he doesn’t want the same thing, you might lose him. For now. But after a month of you making him miss you, things may be different for him now. And if he doesn’t want the same thing, now you know you don’t need to waste more time on him. Thank him for the learning experience of an awesome connection, and move on to find the guy that will give you an even better one, a committed one.
But I have a hunch that this guy may surprise you. Check out our instructions on How to Get Your Ex Back AFTER the No Contact Period. See? Your question is more common and relatable than you think. Let us know what you decide to do, and how it goes for you! Readers, do you have anything to add to this relationship advice?