When it comes to relationship advice, we all love to read it. Then we file it away and hope we never have to use it. But life is life, and no relationship is perfect. Nope. Not even the ones that have gone on for fifty plus years. When we remember that the root word in relationships is “relate,” we will have better relationships. Waiting for something to happen to you in your love life will leave you with a very sorrowful love life. How are you “relating” in your personal relationship experience right now? If that needs some work, it might be time to dig into the files of your archived relationship advice inside you, and start putting it to work. It might be time for you to become the captain of your romantic Destiny.
One piece of relationship advice that many readers, and many women everywhere, struggle with, is the “No Contact Period” after a breakup or separation. Women just want to fix what is wrong so they can have things go back to the way they were. Am I right? Sound familiar? The “No Contact Period” seems too difficult. But we get readers touching base all of the time letting us know that it works! You just have to work it. You have to be in charge of your relationship Destiny, and be the one pulling the strings in your life. But how do you do that?
As far as the No Contact Zone is concerned, it’s very simple. You just have to have no contact for about 30 days. It’s easier said than done, I know. We have a reader who is struggling with this. So today we are going to go step by step and review how to engage the No Contact Zone. Time for you to be in charge! Here’s Ruvimbo’s story.
Hi Michelle … I broke up with my boyfriend weeks ago but i have been texting on a weekly basis begging trying to straighten things up till he told me yesterday I’m acting desperate and I’m pushing him further away. I love him we broke up because he said he wanted to be alone we dated for 5 months we had fun and I felt like he was the one. After the broke up always tried not to contact him but I ended up doing so. Is there any hope that I can get him back. Ruvimbo.
Hi Ruvimbo, thanks for touching base! Your biggest challenge here is staying in the No Contact Zone. He’s giving you valuable information here – you are contacting him too much. It’s your job now to “relate” to him in a way that makes him happy, and you happy. Right now you are relating to him in a way that makes you both miserable. So it’s time to stop your current way of doing things, and try something new.
As for your question on hope, I have some thoughts for you. We are not in the business of selling hope. Just sound relationship advice that you can and should use. I don’t know this individual well enough to know where he stands or how he feels. But if you were together for five months, I suspect there are some feelings there from him. Feelings never just go away. So I would take that a step further and say there is always hope in relationships, where real feelings preside. Whether that is your situation or not right now remains to be seen.
But the truth is, whether there is hope or not, is not your biggest problem. You are not happy. He is giving you information that reflects that he is not happy. So how can we fix this? You need to enter the No Contact Zone in a way that brings you back to your happy place. When you find that YOU are in charge of what happens next, you will see a LOT of that happy place return. Follow these steps for the No Contact Period, to the letter, do not waiver, and within time you will begin to feel easier.
1. Delete him from your phone, email, Facebook, Twitter, everything.
If you don’t have his contact information, it makes it that much more difficult for you to contact him, right? Do not block him when you do this. Just dis-engage and make him invisible for a little while. You can use the “mute” feature on Twitter if you don’t want to delete him completely, and he won’t even know you did it. You can “unfollow” on Facebook, or add him to another list of friends on your Facebook so that you don’t see his posts. Not being exposed to these things, while you are trying to clear your head in the No Contact Zone is going to help you tremendously. But you have to actually do it!
Remember, you are not deleting him forever. You are just putting him aside for now, to help him, and to help YOU, be a happier person relating in this experience.
2. Do NOT visit his social media pages.
This is an extension of the previous bit of relationship advice. Unfollowing him or putting his information aside for a little while is great. But if you are unfollowing him, and then creeping his Facebook every day just to get your daily fix, this is not the No Contact Zone. So this step is worth an extra mention. Do NOT visit his social media pages. The goal of the No Contact Zone is not just to give you both a little space and breathing, but it’s to clear your head from the distraction of the pain in this relationship. So, just, let that go for a little while. Remember, this is not forever. And don’t beat yourself up about any of it either. We’ve ALL creeped an ex’s Facebook at one point.
3. Take your life back for 30 days.
They say old habits die hard and when we are trying to get rid of them, we need to replace them with something else. So find something to do now that replaces the time you have spent contacting him, texting him, creeping his social media. Replace it with something fun, something that fills you with joy. Many experts say to break habits you need to be doing some replacement for at least two weeks. This is why I have the No Contact Zone for 30 days. That extra two weeks really makes a difference.
Start a new fitness program, join a club or pick up a new hobby, spend more time with your friends, get a new job, spend more time with YOU. I also encourage you to read some of our older stories to help you feel uplifted during this 30 days, which may be stressful for you.
Have a look at the Top 3 Dating Mistakes you may be making, and see if that helps. You may also want to review, “Get Him Back After Pushing Him Away.” Don’t worry so much about him, YOU are your priority now.
Do not under any circumstances contact him during this time frame, if you really want to get your boyfriend back. If you do, you have to start the 30 days for the No Contact Zone all over again.
After 30 days, touch base with him again. If you want. I know some people that reach this point and are having so much fun, and are so happy to be in control of their destiny again, that they don’t even bother. And they hear from him first! This No Contact Period is a powerful tool. When you go from “desperate” to being independent, confident, and in control, it does something with men, because independent, confident, women are very, very attractive.
Right now, he does not want a desperate woman. So, if you want to get your boyfriend back, the best relationship advice I can give you is to show him you are not that person. I know you’re not. Your girlfriends know you are not. So prove it to him. When you do, I believe there is hope and that this is how to get your boyfriend back. Let us know how this works out! Readers, do you have any relationship advice for this friend? Or drop some notes in the comments that let us know how you got your boyfriend back after a situation like this.