Here is a question that we get a lot! How do I make him miss me without sounding needy and desperate? The reason that we get this question a lot is due to the fact that many relationships end when a man starts feeling like someone is being needy and desperate. Women and men function differently in relationships, and we may have the same needs and desires, but we express them differently. Women like to know regularly that they are cherished and appreciated. Men do not need this constant reminder.
They need to be cherished and appreciated, but how they seek out the means to meet those needs is much different than the methods that women use. So this is a very common problem in relationships, and something that many women need relationship advice about. If your relationship ended because he perceived you to be acting needy and desperate, there are ways to undo this and get your boyfriend back. We have a reader who is a perfect example to show us all how to get your boyfriend back after a needy or desperate time. Let’s have a look at what Archie says.
My ex broke up with me 5 months ago because he said I didn’t trust him enough. I was ok at first then I felt emotional and sent him hate letters and tried calling and texting him begging him to talk but he wouldn’t respond. He blocked me everywhere. I even sent him msgs filled with sorries. I waited for 2 months. In the meanwhile we had a common whatsapp group in which I stayed active ( he too.. and every time he posts something it breaks my heart again) 2 months I remained blocked. A month ago I sent him a letter about all our beautiful moments and thanking him for everything about life he had taught me, making sure I wasn’t sounding needy and desperate. I said I won’t chase him anymore and would be happy to see him happy even if its with another person. It was a 4 page letter.
For that he unblocked me on whatsapp and texted that those were some beautiful words and that it made his day. I replied with an excited smiley.
It’s been more than a month and he hasn’t texted anything since. Neither did I. I really wanna talk to him and sort things out. I don’t know if I should text him at all or stay in No Contact. Or I thought I would text him something funny or ask him a favor of some kind just to start a conversation.
please help. Archie
Here we have a five-month relationship that ended, and Archie has been given very clear reasons why. What I like about this case is that Archie has already appropriately and successfully followed the No Contact rule, and it worked! It’s much easier to repair a relationship when you know exactly what happened to lead to a break up. So Archie was given a lot of relationship advice from her own boyfriend, and she followed that advice, and ours as well, and she’s right on the brink of that magical moment of getting her boyfriend back.
What you did right
For starters, congratulations Archie on listing to your partner and giving him exactly what he needed and what he wanted. This effectively undid any memory that he had of you being needy and desperate. At first, you acted a little emotionally, and reacted to the pain of the break up and unleashed on him. He taught you how to treat him, by effectively blocking you on social media. You took that as valuable information in your relationship, and you changed your pattern. You deserve a big pat on the back for that! After undergoing a two month No Contact phase, things started to look up.
See how this No Contact thing works, ladies? You’ve done everything right, Archie.
The contact After the No Contact
Anyone that has been reading here for a little while knows how I approach that timeframe that occurs after the No Contact zone. The way to approach this is with some form of contact with your lover, boyfriend, spouse, or partner. You should do this in a way that comes from a place of love with zero expectations. This is something else that Archie has done successfully.
I love this letter that you talk about, Archie, that you sent to him that was a four-page letter. When you did this, you may have been hoping for some sort of reconciliation, and maybe that’s why you did it. But at the end of the day, the primary thing that you accomplish with this is that once again, you erase any memory of him seeing you as needy and desperate.
You taught him that you do you trust him, after he went through a time that he thought that you didn’t. You also taught him that you cherished and appreciated him, and reminded him of the beautiful moments that you shared that made you cherish and appreciate him. There are few on this planet that genuinely love another person that would not appreciate a letter of this nature.
Of course there are men that are just using women for sex, and vice versa actually, and a letter like this would only lead them to feel more uncomfortable, and draw more distance between them and their partner. But I do not think this is happening here. As I always say, if there was genuine love between you and the other person, you have a wonderful chance of getting your boyfriend back. So you’ve done everything right up to here. And he taught you that you’ve done everything right up to here by promptly unblocking you on social media. That was his way of saying, thank you for validating my feelings. YOU did that! Good for you!!
Well now you are in the space where neither one of you knows what to do, and neither one of you knows how to make that first step. If it has been more than a month, I don’t think you really need to stay in the No Contact zone right now. I don’t see any harm in reaching out to him with something super minor, casual, and breezy. I emphasize you want your contact with him to be super minor, and casual, and breezy. Here are some examples.
One thing you could do is send him a picture of the two of you together and tell him you ran across this while flipping through your phone albums and just wanted him to know that you were thinking of him. That’s a little bit above and beyond the casual and breezy component I’m trying to get across here, but it acknowledges that there is something between the two of you.
You could also do something really innocuous, like send him an article that you read, maybe about recent politics or a news event, with a simple question, “What do you think?” I don’t mind saying that someone has done this with me before, and it was a very genuine and easy pathway to reconnection for us. I don’t recommend texting him to ask him for a favor if it’s been over a month since you spoke to him. But something funny, definitely, yes. Or just something random and casual that will start up a conversation between the two of you again.
What will happen next will be your answer to all of your questions. You’ll find out if he has the same level of interest as you, and you will find out if he is as interested as you are and getting things back on track. No matter what the answer is, it will be relationship advice that you can use in this relationship, and any possible relationship you might have ahead. What you have learned here in this experience is that listening to his needs, and responding to them, works. So keep doing everything that you’re doing, you are clearly doing something right!
The number one ticket, friends, to find out how to get your boyfriend back after this silence time is to listen to those needs of his, and meet them. You already know that being needy and desperate does not work. And don’t beat yourself up for that. We have all been there. And you are allowed to have needs too!
But moving forward, just approach these needs and a different way than you have previously. Be breezy, and be open with him about your feelings. It’s clearly working! While you are waiting for him to respond, have a look at some of our other articles on what to do when you after that No Contact zone and waiting to learn what’s next. Dear readers, what would you do in this situation? What have you done to reconnect with someone after No Contact?