If you are in the throes of the world of dating, and you googled the term dating advice chances are, you will come up with a lot of articles on the same topic. When to have “The Talk.” This is not exactly an age old question because times have changed, but it is a question that is very common TODAY, because relationships have changed. We now live in an era where relationships have many labels, and boyfriend girlfriend labels seem so outdated sometimes. But yet, sometimes we need those labels, and most healthy relationships have them.
The reason labels are good is that they put boundaries on a situation. Sometimes people don’t like boundaries, they feel pressured by them. But the truth about having these labels and boundaries are that they tell you both what the ground rules are in the relationship. And there’s nothing wrong with that. The other beauty is, today you can create boundaries without pressure, if that is what you want. We live in a day and age where there are friends with benefits, no strings attached, open marriages, and casual exclusive partners.
The Talk
When you are dating someone, there comes a point where you have to have this talk, to find out what your labels and boundaries are. Again, despite the reaction you may experience when this topic comes up, you are allowed to have The Talk, and you are allowed to want what you want. It’s your life. But when do you have that talk?
There is no hard and fast rule to this, and any article on dating advice that you read will tell you a different thing. My general rule of thumb on this is the three months mark is an appropriate time to initiate The Talk. That is generic though, and will not apply to every situation. What if you are in an long distance relationship? What if you only get to see him once a month? Three dates in three months isn’t enough time to have The Talk either. Who WOULDN’T feel pressured by that?
So it is about finding the balance between too soon and too late. Every relationship is different. The key to finding this balance is knowing what you want….and here’s the rub, and being honest about it.
The biggest mistake you will make, is changing what you want to meet his or her expectations, and then hoping the relationship experience will evolve to look like what you want. A lot of you are thinking, oh, that’s not me, I would never do that.
Yes you will, and you may be doing it right now.
In this day and age where casual exclusivity is an art in its own right, many people make this mistake. Repeatedly. You tell him you want something more, he says he is cool with things as they are right now, so, even though he is not what you want, you stay with him hoping things will change. Six months, or worse, years pass, you are still casual, and you are now heartbroken and confused because he’s kept his end of the deal, and you thought you could change him.
If you don’t know what you want from the dating world, casual can be a very good thing. But most people know what they want. The key is knowing what you want, and being HONEST about it. To him, to her, to yourself. Being honest and authentic to your needs in every dating experience is going to be the best dating advice I could give you. When you are true to yourself, the rest falls into place.
When is it time to have “The Talk”?
When you have been dating a while, and you want things to progress, and he or she has not brought it up yet. There is no prescription to this because every relationship is different, and should progress naturally. If you have any suggestions that have worked for you in this oh so common question on dating advice, drop ‘em in the comments, I’d love to hear from the daters themselves on what has worked for you, and what HASN’T.
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