Dating Advice For Women: How to Make Him Miss You Without Sounding Needy

Relationship Advice After Needy PeriodsHere is a question that we get a lot! How do I make him miss me without sounding needy and desperate?  The reason that we get this question a lot is due to the fact that many relationships end when a man starts feeling like someone is being needy and desperate.  Women and men function differently in relationships, and we may have the same needs and desires, but we express them differently. Women like to know regularly that they are cherished and appreciated. Men do not need this constant reminder.

They need to be cherished and appreciated, but how they seek out the means to meet those needs is much different than the methods that women use. So this is a very common problem in relationships, and something that many women need relationship advice about.  If your relationship ended because he perceived you to be acting needy and desperate, there are ways to undo this and get your boyfriend back. We have a reader who is a perfect example to show us all how to get your boyfriend back after a needy or desperate time.  Let’s have a look at what Archie says.

 Hi everyone!

My ex broke up with me 5 months ago because he said I didn’t trust him enough. I was ok at first then I felt emotional and sent him hate letters and tried calling and texting him begging him to talk but he wouldn’t respond. He blocked me everywhere. I even sent him msgs filled with sorries. I waited for 2 months. In the meanwhile we had a common whatsapp group in which I stayed active ( he too.. and every time he posts something it breaks my heart again) 2 months I remained blocked. A month ago I sent him a letter about all our beautiful moments and thanking him for everything about life he had taught me, making sure I wasn’t sounding needy and desperate. I said I won’t chase him anymore and would be happy to see him happy even if its with another person. It was a 4 page letter.

For that he unblocked me on whatsapp and texted that those were some beautiful words and that it made his day. I replied with an excited smiley.

It’s been more than a month and he hasn’t texted anything since. Neither did I. I really wanna talk to him and sort things out. I don’t know if I should text him at all or stay in No Contact. Or I thought I would text him something funny or ask him a favor of some kind just to start a conversation.

please help. Archie

Here we have a five-month relationship that ended, and Archie has been given very clear reasons why. What I like about this case is that Archie has already appropriately and successfully followed the No Contact rule, and it worked! It’s much easier to repair a relationship when you know exactly what happened to lead to a break up. So Archie was given a lot of relationship advice from her own boyfriend, and she followed that advice, and ours as well, and she’s right on the brink of that magical moment of getting her boyfriend back.

What you did right

For starters, congratulations Archie on listing to your partner and giving him exactly what he needed and what he wanted. This effectively undid any memory that he had of you being needy and desperate. At first, you acted a little emotionally, and reacted to the pain of the break up and unleashed on him. He taught you how to treat him, by effectively blocking you on social media. You took that as valuable information in your relationship, and you changed your pattern. You deserve a big pat on the back for that!  After undergoing a two month No Contact phase, things started to look up.

See how this No Contact thing works, ladies?  You’ve done everything right, Archie.

The contact After the No Contact

Anyone that has been reading here for a little while knows how I approach that timeframe that occurs after the No Contact zone. The way to approach this is with some form of contact with your lover, boyfriend, spouse, or partner.  You should do this in a way that comes from a place of love with zero expectations. This is something else that Archie has done successfully.

I love this letter that you talk about, Archie, that you sent to him that was a four-page letter. When you did this, you may have been hoping for some sort of reconciliation, and maybe that’s why you did it. But at the end of the day, the primary thing that you accomplish with this is that once again, you erase any memory of him seeing you as needy and desperate.

You taught him that you do you trust him, after he went through a time that he thought that you didn’t. You also taught him that you cherished and appreciated him, and reminded him of the beautiful moments that you shared that made you cherish and appreciate him. There are few on this planet that genuinely love another person that would not appreciate a letter of this nature.

Of course there are men that are just using women for sex, and vice versa actually, and a letter like this would only lead them to feel more uncomfortable, and draw more distance between them and their partner. But I do not think this is happening here. As I always say, if there was genuine love between you and the other person, you have a wonderful chance of getting your boyfriend back. So you’ve done everything right up to here. And he taught you that you’ve done everything right up to here by promptly unblocking you on social media.  That was his way of saying, thank you for validating my feelings.  YOU did that!  Good for you!!

What now?

Well now you are in the space where neither one of you knows what to do, and neither one of you knows how to make that first step. If it has been more than a month, I don’t think you really need to stay in the No Contact zone right now. I don’t see any harm in reaching out to him with something super minor, casual, and breezy. I emphasize you want your contact with him to be super minor, and casual, and breezy. Here are some examples.

One thing you could do is send him a picture of the two of you together and tell him you ran across this while flipping through your phone albums and just wanted him to know that you were thinking of him. That’s a little bit above and beyond the casual and breezy component I’m trying to get across here, but it acknowledges that there is something between the two of you.

You could also do something really innocuous, like send him an article that you read, maybe about recent politics or a news event, with a simple question, “What do you think?”  I don’t mind saying that someone has done this with me before, and it was a very genuine and easy pathway to reconnection for us.  I don’t recommend texting him to ask him for a favor if it’s been over a month since you spoke to him. But something funny, definitely, yes. Or just something random and casual that will start up a conversation between the two of you again.

What will happen next will be your answer to all of your questions. You’ll find out if he has the same level of interest as you, and you will find out if he is as interested as you are and getting things back on track. No matter what the answer is, it will be relationship advice that you can use in this relationship, and any possible relationship you might have ahead.  What you have learned here in this experience is that listening to his needs, and responding to them, works. So keep doing everything that you’re doing, you are clearly doing something right!

The number one ticket, friends, to find out how to get your boyfriend back after this silence time is to listen to those needs of his, and meet them. You already know that being needy and desperate does not work. And don’t beat yourself up for that. We have all been there. And you are allowed to have needs too!

But moving forward, just approach these needs and a different way than you have previously. Be breezy, and be open with him about your feelings. It’s clearly working!  While you are waiting for him to respond, have a look at some of our other articles on what to do when you after that No Contact zone and waiting to learn what’s next.  Dear readers, what would you do in this situation? What have you done to reconnect with someone after No Contact?

Dating Advice for Women: How Can I Make Him (My Neighbor) Miss Me?

Relationship Advice For Dating NeighborsWhen it comes to dating and relationships, we have all at one point or another needed dating advice when it comes to situations where we are confronted with the person after the relationship ends. Some examples of that would be like office romances, dating your neighbor, or getting involved with someone you met at a club like beach volleyball that you keep running into over and over again. This is one of the beautiful things about online dating for many, as it takes this right out of the equation and solves some relationship problems before they even begin.

But many women are still dating the old-fashioned way, and dating people that they just happened to meet when they share life circumstance. Well, one of our readers has run into a bit of a pickle with this. She was dating her neighbor, now she’s not, and now she’s stuck in this really awkward situation. Here’s Violet’s story.

Hi

I was in a very brief relationship with a neighbor, it ended because he was not upfront with me about the things he wanted from our relationship and we would have many arguments because he was telling me one thing but in reality wanted something else. After we broke up I reached out to him a couple of times and that created more problems. Also us being neighbors didn’t help as we both have neighbor friends and told them what happened so now people talk about it. Now he has hard feelings towards me. How can I change that and earn his respect? I think the best I can do is be indifferent and let him see I’m happy, maybe him seeing me with someone else. Am I right? Violet

I love it when readers answer their own questions! And I love that you come to us for relationship advice to seek validation on the choices that you are making in your relationships.  As you can see, this is exactly what Violet has done here.

How to Gain a Man’s Respect

Her first question is, how do I make him respect me? Well if we could bottle up this answer and sell it we would all be millionaires, and we would all be happy in love. But the fact remains, that you can’t make anyone respect you. That is a choice that they all have to make on their own. Can you nudge them in the direction of respecting you? Absolutely. And the answer to that is, be someone worth respecting.

Obviously, there have been a few problems with this tactic along the way, as now the neighbors are talking about you, and he’s all upset about what’s going around the neighborhood. Give him that.  I wonder, have you apologized for this?  That could be a huge step for both of you, in having a meeting of the minds when it comes to this relationship. He may be harboring some feelings or resentment because he might feel that you don’t care that his feelings were hurt but this got about town.  So for you, Violet, I would start with a very sincere and heartfelt apology that your relationship with him hit the rocks because you were excited to be with him. And that’s exactly how I would phrase it too!

Men Like to be Bragged About

Here’s the other catch. Most guys that are serious about love don’t mind being bragged about.  So I really wonder how serious he was about you to begin with. Maybe, he got upset with you because he was only using you and didn’t want the world to know.  And as Oprah would say, that’s a whole other show.

So if I were you, Violet, I would say that you still need to apologize to him, but apologize for hurting him. Tell him you didn’t think it would upset him for some neighbors to know that you guys were dating. Ask him why it hurt him so much if you are so inclined. Acknowledge, except, and validate his feelings.  And own your part in it. But it’s really not the end of the world if you talk to people about your relationship, unless you’re Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and a global crisis actually arises when your relationship is discussed.

I’m guessing, Violet, that you are not Angelina Jolie.  So personally, I don’t think you meant anything wrong by discussing your relationship with other people. But he has been hurt over it, then it is definitely a responsibility to own up and just take the responsibility there for his feelings. You can do it by saying this:

“Hey, just wanted to touch base real quick and let you know that I have been thinking about us and my role and what caused us to break up. I want to sincerely apologize to you for anything that I did that hurt you or upset you when people got wind of what was going on with us. I just want you to know, that I think you are pretty awesome and worth bragging about, and that’s the only reason I did that. But I am sincerely sorry if I hurt your feelings.  I would love it if we could start off on a fresh slate and put this all behind us. What do you think? I’m going to reflect on this for a little while and would love to hear from you.”

And leave it at that. Yes, to answer your question about being indifferent to him, that is absolutely what you need to do now. And yes, let him see that you are happy. And if you want to go on dating other people, then by all means do so. But do not enter any relationship with anybody else for the sole purpose of making your neighbor jealous. No. That is not how you were going to make him miss you, that is how you were going to make him happy that you guys broke up.

Maybe you needed to break up, and maybe there is someone out there that’s a little bit better for you. But maybe you just need a cooling off period.  The best relationship advice that I could give you, Violet, is to just own your part in his feelings, but still take the steps you need to start to be happy. Cool off a little bit with him, and give him a chance to think about this too. Check out our articles on what to do during and after the No Contact zone, and go out and live your life.  Have a look to see if you are making one of the 3 common dating mistakes.  Dear Readers, did I miss anything?  Let Violet know what you would do in the situation. Have you ever dated a neighbor? What was the awkies scale on that?

 

Relationship Advice: How to Make Him Miss You After 9 Years

Relationship Advice To Make Him Miss YouWhen it comes to relationship questions seeking dating advice for women, one of the most common questions that we get relates to women that feel like they are putting in all of the effort. We also get a lot of questions on how to heal after cheating, or how to make him miss you after a really long time in the relationship. We have a relationship question today from one reader who is dealing with all three of these issues. She’s dealing with an on-again off-again relationship that has been ongoing for nine years, has experience cheating, and is a situation now where she is doing all the work and wondering if all hope is lost. Here’s a look at her question.

Michelle,

My ex and I have been in an on again off again relationship for 9 years now. He loves to play the victim role even when he is at fault. In our most recent breakup, he cheated on me and I found out although I told him I forgave, those were just words. Each chase I got I would remind him of the mistakes he’s made. It’s like throughout the years our gets stronger and the connection we have is undeniable. We went for a period of 3 months were he was simply ignoring me. When I finally gave it another true, he went straight for we should just be friends, nothing is going to help our situation even with forgiveness. I can honestly say that I’ve healed from the past hurts, but regret is weighing in on me, do I walk away or fight? Why am I always the begging to keep us together? He said we aren’t made for success and our relationship has run its course. He has also sad if we didn’t go through everything we went through maybe we’d have a chance, but he’s lost hope after our last argument and he isn’t ready to be with anyone no time soon. He has also said our relationship isn’t stable, so why be in it. Throughout the break up I’ve made contact and yes I’ve begged for him to reconsider and so has his family, but nothing has come out of it. Is all hope lost? Niecy

You have got a lot going on with this relationship, Niecy, and I can honestly say that if there are feelings happening in both parties in this relationship, all hope is not lost. Now, I do not know what the status is of this gentleman’s relationship right now, but I do know that if you have nine years together, there is definitely hope for this relationship.

So that’s the good news. While I don’t have any bad news per se, I do have a question that I want you to seriously reflect on. Why do you want to stay in this relationship?

This is one of those situations where it would be very easy for me to apply the No Contact Rules to you, and just advise you to wait it out. But if you want real relationship advice that will not only make him miss you, but also strengthen this relationship, I have a few pointers there as well today.

No Contact, Cold Turkey

First, you have to definitely go into the No Contact zone, cold turkey. I think it’s a good idea here to send him one last little text or email, and just let him know that you’re grateful for him, you’re grateful for the times that you’ve had, and that you’re going to respect his boundaries and his wishes and just take a little break. Because you have had trouble staying in the No Contact Zone before, he’s probably expecting to hear from you. But when he does hear from you, if he hears what I just outlined above, you will take him back a little bit. And that’s a good thing!

He’s going to be expecting you to contact him and continue your previous history of begging him to stay with you. When you don’t do that, you’re going to get his wheel spinning on this one.

Second, be sure that you never ever again remind him of mistakes that he has made in the past. He knows he cheated, you know he cheated, and your relationship is what it is today because of all of that. But no man is rushing into the arms of a woman that is always reminding them of their mistakes. No man. So let this one go. If you have genuinely healed from this mistake of his, then you won’t need to bring it up. So before you contact him at all ever again, be certain with your own Self that you are healed from this mistake of his. And if you aren’t, you’re going to need some time before you even think of giving this relationship hope again. And there’s nothing wrong with that! If you need time, take it.

Lastly, when you send him that little goodbye text or email that you will send before you enter the No Contact zone, remember to be nothing but positive. This is sort of a combination of the first two steps from above. But the little addendum that I want to add to this step is that you want to not only stay positive, but also set boundaries.

Set Boundaries

So there are ways that you can focus on what you need when you’re speaking with him, without sounding derogatory or negative. This is going to be another thing that will take him back when he reads this message of yours. The key to this is staying positive, being clear about your boundaries, and making it about you and not him. When you do this, you give him valuable information. And one man in the state of limbo receive information like this, it does trigger a switch to change if they really want to give this relationship hope. So you’re going to send him a text or email that sounds something like this:

“Hey, Frank, no I’m not writing to annoy you *wink.* I have just been doing a lot of thinking and reflecting on things related to our relationship. I feel like after nine years, it’s the least I can do for you, and the wonderful years and times that we had together. I am not ready to just give it all up just yet, but I do think that those nine years and our experiences deserve some time and thoughts. I realize now that we are on different pages when it comes to what we each need, and what we each have to offer this relationship. As such, I think I just need a little bit of a break to clear my head and think on this a little bit more. I want to thank you for everything that you’ve done for me over the years, and for giving me nine years of some very wonderful memories. You have absolutely been a value to my life. I know we all make mistakes, I have too, and I am ready to move forward in my life without focusing on the past. But I need some time to think about this before anything else happens. I need and deserve someone that is there for me 100% of the time, and supports me and his faithful to me during the entire time in our relationship. I’m just not sure that we’re on the same page right now. So I’m going to take a little bit of a break to think about it, and I promise I won’t bother you again for a little while. If you’d like to touch base and hash this out over coffee or something, I would be open to that after I have done some thinking. Until then, know that you remain in my thoughts and I wish you nothing but the best and ultimate happiness that life has to offer you. Best!”

And there you have it. So, stay positive, don’t bring up his mistakes in a negative way, make it about what you need and what your boundaries are. When you do, you will dangle that carrot in front of him that you’re still available if he’s able to meet those needs. And if he’s not, then it’s his loss. That’s a real way to make him miss you.

Yes, the No Contact zone will be very difficult for you, especially since you’ve had a problem with that in the past. Don’t worry girlfriend, we’ve all been there! So take a minute to read some of our articles on what to do after the No Contact Rule is engaged and how to stay true to it, and what to do after the No Contact zone to maintain that peaceful and harmonious vibe.

Until then, keep checking back here as we are always posting relationship advice questions, and you might see more answers that will apply to your specific situation. Dear readers, what would you do in the situation?

Dating Advice For The Soul Mate That Has Had Enough

Ever been in one of those relationships where it just felt like you were bouncing back and forth with each other, and your feelings? Of course you have. One of the reasons so many couples have a yo-yo relationship, for years, is the soul mate factor. I am no expert on soul mates but one thing I do know about love and relationships is that if you are having the same yo-yo effect in your relationship for years, there’s a high love potential there. This could even be soulmate level. Most relationships do not go on and on like this for years, unless there is SOMEthing keeping that string going on the yo-yo. We get questions from readers about this yo-yo experience all the time. The biggest relationship advice question they have is, “We broke up and what do I do now??”

Today we are going to look at just such a scenario. We have a couple who by all counts, over the course of three years, have told each other they are each other’s soul mate. They’ve broken up multiple times, and each time they find themselves kissing each other eventually. Our reader, Amy, has noted her problems in the relationships, and has owned her part.

That’s a standing ovation from me for that! Some people go their entire lives never figuring this out, that they need to own their part. So Amy has been doing her work on her since the last breakup. Now she wants to know what to do. Let’s have a look at this story.

Its been almost 2 weeks since my ex bf split with me. We were a bit hungover on a Sunday afternoon and I started to nag and annoy him which made him flip out dramatically and him scream “I can’t do this anymore” and leave the house. I fb messaged him the next day to say he was a coward to leave me like that no real explanation and he just confirmed again saying, I just can’t do it with you anymore. I told him he was nothing to me and since then I haven’t spoken to him since.  I’m trying to give him space and using the no contact rule. But I feel like I haven’t a clue what is happening, especially in his head.  A bit about us – We have been together for almost 3 years now, we are best friends we do everything together, and that’s because we both want to…He loves the bones off me, he’s the sweetest guy does anything and everything for me emotionally and physically. He is my soul mate the only person who gets me and I get him and he says this to me 24/7. However, the last half year or so I’ve been insecure about my weight, that I have gained, I’ve had no job, he has been paying for everything helping me. I suppose I’ve got a bit lazy with myself and everything and then of course the nagging.

Last 6 months or so he has broken up with me a few times over WhatsApp/text saying we need to go our separate ways he cant do it blablabla, finding an excuse, leaving me in tears and upset. Straight away I have told him not to and said sorry things will change blablabla. Of course, he comes over and sees me and him being the beautiful soul he is hugs me and stays and we carry on the relationship just like that. But nothing changes, I don’t change. But now I am. I am working on myself, eating healthily, exercising, I’ve lost several pounds already. I’m not drinking. I really can see now what I have done wrong and how I let the fun get sucked out of the relationship because when we are happy my god, we are happy!

What do I do? I want to fix this so bad! Apart from my nagging and moaning, everything was perfect! I am on my tenth day of contact but I think I need to apologise and let him know how I feel. He could just be thinking I am angry and don’t wanna speak to him? What do I do?

 Let’s address the first question: What is he thinking?

 The answer to that is, if he’s not telling you, it’s none of your business. The other answer to that is, you don’t need to know what he is thinking to fix this.  How your relationship functions is not a function of ONLY what he is thinking. You’ve taken some steps already, Amy, that show that you know this. You know you own your part in the split. I can’t congratulate you enough for that.

Never change your weight for a guy, period. But if you know that some nagging issues have led to this demise or breakup, then you know how to fix at least your role in this breakup. If you want to get your boyfriend back, the next step is the No Contact Rule.  You say, “I am trying to follow the No Contact Rule but it’s hard because I don’t know what’s in his head.”

Again, you don’t need to for the No Contact Rule to be successful. You will learn what he is thinking by activating the No Contact Zone immediately. But you have to stay true to it. You can’t just say you aren’t going to contact him, and then give up on your Self because he texted you. The No Contact Period is for YOU to clear your head and get your stuff together. You’ve already started this. But you can’t clear your head when you are answering his messages.

He’s already told you that you are his soul mate.  Those are some serious words! You have the advantage of having true love and experience on your side.  So you can’t make him miss you by being in his face all the time. And that’s what you really want at this stage of the game.

Let’s look at your second question: What do I do now??

 You’ve answered your own question. You know you need the No Contact Period, but you just have to get committed to it.  I talk a lot about How to Stay True to the No Contact Rule. Refresh your memory on that, and make the choice to be committed to it. You want to get your boyfriend back, right? So be as committed to the process, no matter how hard it is, as you are to him.  It is for the benefit of your relationship if he sees what it’s like to go 30 days without hearing back from you.

My guess is that it’s going to be very difficult for him to do this. And through that, you will make him miss you.

Once that 30 days is up, touch base with him about something super minor and breezy. Or just say hi. Make sure you let him know that you’ve been doing a lot of work on you in your quiet time. He will really admire you for that! After he responds, I am confident you can take it from there. Let us know how this goes, we are all rooting for you! Readers, what do you think Amy should do? Have you had a similar soul mate experience?

 

 

Dating Advice: What To Do AFTER the No Contact Period Makes Him Miss You

One of the hardest things about relationships is missing someone.  And, as you know, one of the most common pieces of dating advice or relationship advice that I have is, activate a No Contact Rule.  Why? Because it works. If there is only one tool that can make him miss you, it’s making him miss you. And the only way you can do that is through No Contact. That means zero. Zilch. None. Period. No matter how much he texts you or Facebook messages you or calls and leaves the pleading voicemails.

If he’s doing that, you have proof that you are winning in the “make him miss you” stage.  If he’s not contacting you, but you do have a history, he’s still thinking about you. That’s why the No Contact component of the Make Him Miss You mission is SO successful.  When you aren’t easy to get to, he wonders.  It’s human nature!

But that 30 day period of No Contact is really hard. I get it. While you are making him miss you, you are missing him. Dreadfully.  But what next? We have a reader who is doing very well with the No Contact rule, and just needs to know what to do when that is complete. We get this question all the time. So today I want you to see what happens when the No Contact Rule actually works. We have one reader who is about halfway through the process of the No Contact and the “Make Him Miss You” stage. The only relationship advice she needs at this point is, what next. So let’s have a look and see if we can help her out.

 I was dating a guy for a couple months. But the couple months were fast and intense. We went away for a weekend together by our fourth date. We had so much fun together, even the bartenders would come over and say they just enjoyed watching us together and listening to our conversations. It seemed like we had a real connection.  but things were early, we were both open about the fact that we were not exclusive (we were both dating another person). But it seemed like we were spending more time together and he told me he had a better connection with me. He took me to concerts, out on the town, and offered to take me to a patriots game. 3 days before the game, he texted me and told me he was so sorry but his dad was coming into town unexpectedly (from GA to MA) and he was going to have to take him instead. I was pissed but didn’t lash out. Just told him no, he couldn’t make it up to me. Good luck and have a nice life basically. I was pissed because as a nurse that works every other weekend, had to make a bunch of switches to go to the game and he knew that. I also assumed he would try to win me back instead of accepting the boot.

Then on Facebook (relationship killer, i know)  I saw that his dad tagged both the guy and another girl in thanking them for a great weekend. When I asked who the girl was, he explained it was the other girl he was seeing and no, he did not take her to the game in my place, he had taken her to the Red Sox and she met his dad with him for a few drinks. I unleashed. Totally went nuts and it went back and forth between, he didn’t want to see me, yes he did, I didn’t want to see him, yes I did. The convo ended with him buying tickets to a concert for us. Being embarrassed about how crazy I went, I ended up cancelling on the concert. I assume he took the other girl instead.

2 days of no contact, i sent him an apology text about how crazy I went and how sorry I am, and that I was just so stressed from court (with my ex) and I would hope he’d be up for getting a beer with me later in the week. I also said, I hope to hear back from you, but if not, good luck with everything and that I genuinely meant that. I didn’t hear back from him. That was now 6 days ago.

I deleted him from my Facebook and unfollowed him on Instagram because I didn’t want anything else popping up on my newsfeed. He still follows me on Instagram and snapchat so I’ve tried to keep my posts to a minimum.   I will continue the no contact rule, because 1- it’s the only way I’m going to make him miss me and 2- he may not want to hear from me anyway. but I feel like I need someone to tell me exactly how it is. Do I text him in a month to say hi? Or do I just leave it and lose one of the greatest connections I felt I’ve ever had?  Sincerely, Kristine

 Let’s all stop and give Kristine a big round of applause for making it this far in the No Contact Period. We know he still has feelings or he wouldn’t still be following you on social media. So there’s something here to work with. The next few weeks are the hardest, because you want to text him or call so badly, but are still in that zone.

What you’ve done right so far….

Don’t succumb to folding the No Contact Zone.  Kristine is being smart here about what she is posting on social media, so she doesn’t send any wrong or mixed messages to someone that she cares about very deeply.  She has owned her part in the relationship, and the relationship demise. She has apologized, and tried to move past it.

When it comes to fixing past mistakes, that’s all you can do. What he does with it from this point forward is on him, not you. So you’ve done everything, and by that I mean everything, right so far. You’ve been very clear in your intentions, as has he, and you two clearly know how to communicate to each other. It’s okay to get upset with him sometimes. That’s called being human. But you’ve both demonstrated your ability to be clear and real with each other. That’s a huge relationship accomplishment in itself! Thank you for serving as a good example to all women seeking dating or relationship advice in similar situations.

So that’s what you’ve done right. I am not going to take a leap and say you have done anything wrong, either. You have done everything right. So let’s have a look at your next question.

What do I do after the No Contact Zone?

The one thing to do after the No Contact period is up is to touch base. Once you are past the 30 day mark, you are out of the zone. You can feel free to contact him. Follow your heart here. I can give you a sample text to use, but I think you’ve got this one covered. Invite him for a drink if you are feeling bold and that is what your heart is telling you to do. Or just send a text that just says, “Hey, remember me? Been thinking about you and wondering how you’ve been.”

If you are feeling even more bold than that, bring up the commitment issue. What have you got to lose? Well, if he doesn’t want the same thing, you might lose him. For now. But after a month of you making him miss you, things may be different for him now. And if he doesn’t want the same thing, now you know you don’t need to waste more time on him. Thank him for the learning experience of an awesome connection, and move on to find the guy that will give you an even better one, a committed one.

But I have a hunch that this guy may surprise you. Check out our instructions on How to Get Your Ex Back AFTER the No Contact Period. See? Your question is more common and relatable than you think. Let us know what you decide to do, and how it goes for you! Readers, do you have anything to add to this relationship advice?

 

How to Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back When You Are Dealing With Mixed Signals Guy

There are enough issues on the road to life, love, and happiness, that even when you are presented with the black and white of it, it can still be pretty confusing. But when you are given the grey matter in your daily matters, life can seem nothing short of chaotic. Unfortunately, when it comes to matters of the heart, very few things come to us in black and white. Wouldn’t it be absolutely wonderful if we were given black and white roadmap when dealing with our love affairs? If he says this, he means this. If he does this, he meant that. Of course it would, but we, as humans, don’t really work that way. Although this could be a big complaint in the world of romance, if we did work that way, life would be really, really boring. At the same time however, human behavior as grey as it can be sometimes, can be pretty predictable as well. That’s why many of the methods I discuss for those wanting to know relationship advice for mixed signals guy really work. Because of that predictable nature of human relationship.

Today I am going to address a reader’s concern on how to deal with things when things don’t seem so predictable. Many of you write in talking about the same guy. No, I’m not saying you are all dating the same man. But many of you are all dating the same type of guy. You know the guy. If you haven’t dated him yet, you may well before you find The One. His name? Mixed Signals Guy. Nothing aggravates me more than when I am dating a guy that says one thing, and does another, and that’s exactly the trademark of Mixed Signals Guy. We have a reader dealing with one, and let’s look at her problem and get to the brass tax of it. Here’s what she says:

I was dating my boyfriend for 6 months and we literally had the time of our lives together. We always made each other happy and he was very respectful and I loved it! Then I had surgery done and he disappeared after that and never spoke to me till 3 months later. When he spoke to me yea I was bitchy because he made a douchebag move but he let everything out. At this moment we are friends and it’s been 7 months since we last dated. We’ve tried to talk(date) again but it didn’t work out as how we wanted it to. He ended up becoming really busy with work and just said that he’s too busy for a girl right now. Alright, that’s fine. He also said he doesn’t want each other to try forcing to make this relationship work and in the future whatever happens,happens. And I completely agreed with him.

I see him twice a week at the same spot and he always talks to me like how he would when we were dating and he always touches me like my leg and biting me an stuff just to mess around. He walked me out to my car yesterday and we ended up hooking up (just making out) and I didn’t want to and I wanted to stop so badly and tell him this isn’t what we should be doing we both agreed not to do this. It was just very awkward. So I texted him later and was like what was that and he said Idk. And I was just texting him like you can’t keep doing this and he’s like I like you but I don’t want a relationship. Okkkkkkk so if u like me and don’t want a relationship why would you do that. He said he cares but sometimes his actions take over. Alright sooooooo what do I do. We still have light feelings for each other and I don’t want to let him go. Hes a great guy.

What do you think, ladies? This one at first glance is actually a bit of a no brainer. I know the reader in question doesn’t necessarily agree, because she’s in the middle of it. We’ve all been in that middle, trying to figure out why he’s saying one thing and doing another. But the truth is, he’s actually being a lot clearer than our dear reader wants to admit.

We’ve all been there.

But when it comes to relationship advice for women that are dealing with Mixed Signals Guy, my advice is always, agree with him, thank him, and move on your merry way. See, this is where that handy little tip of, you teach people how to treat you goes a very long way. Right now our reader is teaching him that it’s okay to keep walking all over her like this, when the truth is, it isn’t. How do we know this? Because she has accepted the yo-yoing back and forth and not given him the boundaries she needs to feel secure in this relationship.

I’m going to translate some of his mixed signals for you.

“I like you, but I don’t want a relationship.”

What he’s saying is, I like you, and I don’t really have anyone else that I like more in my life right now, so I want whatever I can get from you right now….without a commitment.

“I care, I definitely do, but sometimes my actions take over and there’s nothing I can do about it.”

Dear reader, is he 4? Because 4 year olds don’t have the developed neocortexes that adults have, and they do act impulsively and honestly can’t help it. If you are dating a 4 year old, stop. If you aren’t, tell him to grow up. He is a grown man with a mind of his own and absolutely can stop what he is doing if he knows it is going to hurt you. Which he does know, or he wouldn’t be giving you these lame excuses.

You say, “We still have light feelings for each other and I don’t want to let him go.”

Here is my translation of your statement, dearest reader. “I really like him, and don’t really know where he stands with me, and I am afraid that if I don’t let him go and pursue other options that I won’t find any other options and I will have let go the one guy that at least liked me a little.”

Ring true for you? We’ve all said that, felt that, experienced that. But the truth of the matter is, when you translate your own fears, you see the cold hard truth. You are settling with this guy.

The truth is, you deserve a guy that is screaming from the mountains, I’m crazy about her! I can’t get enough of her!! I want to be with her and only her!

What you DON’T deserve, is being fully invested in something when the guy is responding with, “I love making out with her! I love hooking up with her! I am crazy about the fact that I finally met someone who is letting me have my cake and eat it too!”

You also mention that he’s a great guy. While I don’t know him personally, I am going to disagree with you on this one based on the information you have provided. Great guys do not leave their girlfriends hanging for three months after they had surgery. If he did that to you once, he will do that to you again. Do you really want to wait for that to happen when you are engaged or married?

Does this situation make more sense to you?

The next time he slips up and tries to lose control of his actions, nip him in the bud. If you truly want to get your boyfriend back and in a loving and much more committed way, you need to show him and explain to him that the only way to do that is to make you his own.

The next time this happens, and you are texting him telling him this is unfair, wait for his response. It will look exactly like the first one. “I am happy with no commitment, and if you want to keep making out with me, you have to be happy with that too.”

Your response needs to sound like, “Okay great, thanks for spelling things out for me. Been great hanging with you but truthfully, I’m looking for something more. I do think you’re great, a great kisser even, but I need more. I know you care about me and want me to be happy, so I am going to go look for my happy. Let me know if a relationship is ever something you’re into, and if I’m free, I will let you know. You know how it is, in the future, whatever happens, happens, right? Until then, best of luck.”

I guarantee you his eyes will pop open very wide as soon as he sees that message.

What do you think dear readers? Did I miss something? This is one of those situations where you need to remember that YOU, not HE, is in control of your relationship and romantic affairs. So take your power back, and teach him how to treat you. Good luck, and please do keep us posted!!

Relationship Ninja Techniques to Make Him Miss You

Okay, so the worst has happened. 

At least it feels like the worst and the end of the world to you.  Instead of planning your winter vacation with the love of your life, you are trying to figure out how to get your boyfriend back.  It’s okay, we’ve all been there.  We’ve all wondered at one point or another how to make him miss you after he’s given the big heave-ho to you. 

Right now, you aren’t thinking straight.

You think you are, but you aren’t.  All you can think about right now is how sad you are, and how being back together with him is the only thing that will change that. How close am I on how you are feeling? 

We’ve all been there. 

Because you aren’t thinking clearly, we are going to clear up that muddled hotbed of emotions you are going through to help you and so that you can get your boyfriend back.  But how?  

It’s time for Relationship Ninja

Let’s face it. You’re in pretty dire straights if you are online trying to find ways to make him miss you.  Or trying to make your ex boyfriend miss you without looking like the needy clingy girl. 

Again, that’s okay.  We’ve ALL been there. 

But the sad truth is that trying to reason or convince him into doing so is going to work against you.  So what you need to do is step away from all matters that seem logical and rational to you, and follow these Relationship Ninja techniques that will make him miss you. 

If you want to get your boyfriend back, what you have to do is tap into that part of the mind that loves you, this will help make him miss you… and when he misses you, he will come back. 

Here are two very powerful Relationship Ninja techniques that will get his motors running again.

1.  Send him a thank you note… for breaking up with you. 

What, Michelle??? Yes. If things weren’t clear and you never found that infamous “closure” that all breakup-ees seek, this will be a cinch.  If you both are confused about “what happened” or “who broke up with who”, make it official, and break up with him. 

Or, if things are a little more crystal clear than you would like, do the opposite of what you want to do, and send him a thank you note for breaking up with you. Thank him for what he taught you to learn and grow and be a better and bigger person, and wish him all the best.  Yes, it sounds final, but it will make him miss you. 

Why?  For starters, if you do it with the right intent, you are now officially the bigger person, and have some serious points on your side.  This is a good position to be in, because the other side of this is that he will take it as rejection, and rejection is a very powerful tool when it comes to breakups. Ask any man OR womam. It makes the other party go running back in the opposite direction they started in, hopefully, right back into your arms.

You know this because of how you reacted when he dumped you.  You didn’t want to be rejected. You wanted validation that you were still lovable.  Do the same thing to him, but be the bigger person about it, as nice as possible, and….if nothing else, it will get him thinking.  What he will be thinking about is how to reverse this rejection in his favour so that he doesn’t feel so rejected any more.  Chances are, you’ll be the first call. “Hey, I just got your note, that was nice, so…what was that about? And….how are you?”   Send that note. Wait for the call.

2.  Have some fund and start dating again. 

Yes, of course this makes it seem counterproductive to YOU, you don’t want another boyfriend, you want to get your boyfriend back. RELAX. This is a Ninja technique. 

Where you once started with rejection in step one, now you are going to use the powerful tool of jealousy.  You’re starting to get it now? 

 What you want to accomplish with this step is very simple.  You want to make the point that you are moving on with your life. You are sending the message that you don’t need him, that you don’t even need to win him back, because you are fabulous, and now it’s time for the rest of the world to see that.

Do you see the true power of Relationship Ninja?  It’s about you. 

Instead of trying to figure out how to make him love me, try and figure out how to love you.  You don’t know how this is going to work out, but you do know one thing, you need to move on with something at some point.  A true Ninja has not only stealth in their favour, but true intentions. 

Follow these Ninja techniques with the truest of intentions, and you’ve got a very good shot at making him rethink a few things.

Missing You Out of Town

out of town
Who’s He Thinking of Now?

There is a saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and in most cases this is true.  But whenever a little distance is put between a couple, be that geographic distance or emotional distance, many women tend to think that this distance is the beginning of the end.

When it comes to geographic distance such as long distance relationships or business trips however, attracting a man or seducing a man is easier than you think.  A lot of women get very concerned when their squeeze is away, but it is these times where you can truly capitalize on what you have with him to make him miss you, and make him love you even more.  Here’s how.

Consider the case of Jenny, whose man was a frequent traveler due to business and their dates were anything but regular.  Just when she thought he was calling her to setup another date, instead he was calling to cancel because he was getting sent away again.  Ugh.

Potential freak out moment in the making. 

But did Jenny freak out? No, she didn’t.

She helped him pack, made a lunch for him for the plane, and made sure he got one last kiss he wouldn’t ever forget.

The result?

He called her every night after his meetings to let her know how exciting things went, and to tell her he had in fact found the sexy little surprise she tucked in his suitcase when he wasn’t looking.  He even had a present delivered to her door while he was away, just to let her know he was thinking of her.

Awwwww.  Lucky girl, right?

That girl could be you too, if you want to know how to make him miss you or are wondering, “how do I make him love me,” then you just need to get your game on, even when he’s going out of town.  Jenny’s guy was so stoked about how she responded to his trip that he fell in love with her — from a different city!

The key to making him miss you and loving you more while he’s away involves stoking the fires of romance without putting any pressure on.  When you attach expectations to the little things you do for him, you won’t make him miss you, you will make him feel pressured and guilty into doing something in return.  Doing something nice for men just to make their lives easier is so welcomed and appreciated by somebody that already cares about you that you will see just how easy it is to make him miss you.

In the meantime, while he is out of town, keep yourself busy! 

Yes, of course this may be the oldest advice in the books, but the reason it keeps getting repeated is because it works!  Keep yourself busy, and don’t be afraid to let him know before he leaves just HOW busy you will be.  Men like to know that their women don’t depend on them for every little facet of their happiness. So, if he knows you have other things to do (and people to be with) and think about while he is gone, he will feel a little more secure in the relationship himself because you don’t depend on him to fulfill you.

One advantage for women when their man goes away is that they have some time to do the things they don’t have time to when they are doting on their man.  They get to go out with their girlfriends, shop for as long as they want, and eat ice cream right out of the tub without worrying about getting “the look.”  When you have the opportunity to do all of these things, it’s impossible to obsess about missing him, because you’re living your fabulous life, which will only get more fabulous when he comes home.

The trick to truly make him miss you when he’s away is to focus on you (and avoid the freakout).

Just because he’s going away doesn’t mean he’s leaving you forever. Keep doing all of the things you do that make you the fabulous girlfriend and woman that you are, and you will not only make him miss you, but make him love you more.

They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder… fonder, not fungus. 😉

What seems to work best in these situations is to use the language of desire.

How I Built a Stronger Relationship with Him

You can possibly read many romantic stories and real testimonials about women how successfully got their ex boyfriend back and managed to stay together. But the key here is: building a long term relationship by solving previous problems and making the commitment stronger. Let me tell you about the method I discovered on how to make him love me, and stay with me. You will also get a few great tips on how to seduce your ex-boyfriend, even if right now he would never think about getting back together again.

I broke up with my boyfriend because he wanted more freedom and I wanted him to spend more time with me. After a week I felt miserable and started thinking about ways of how to make him love me again. As I knew that at the time his freedom and independence was more important for him than me, I had to work on a plan to change this. I wanted him to suffer and read a lot about how to seduce your ex-boyfriend on the Internet. I even bought some books to achieve my goal. And I succeeded. Here is how…

I made it clear for him that I wasn’t angry at him at all. I told him that I would be available for him as a friend any time, and I went on to live my life. We met a couple of times (only bumped into each other) and I looked very happy. I always made sure that I looked my best when there was a chance to meet him. I also made the impression that I was now truly enjoying my life. Obviously, this was not true.

I wanted him back but he had no idea.

After seeing me a few times, he started to ask more questions. He had no idea that I was thinking about how to make him love me. He started to become interested in me again, because I wasn’t heartbroken and I had moved on.

Then I started mentioning a few things just casually about things we did together, like: “You remember the hotel we went to on our anniversary? They just renovated it. It looks stunning.” Then we started talking about the times we had together, and I left. I told him I had someplace to be and was running late. This is how to seduce your ex boyfriend: never say anything directly, just mention things and let him remember.

Tease him a bit and then move on.

He may even say, “I finally realize what I lost” or “I really miss you.” But at this point you should contain yourself, and go away. Become the hunted, not the hunter.

I knew that I chose the right method of how to make him love me, and carried on. But I never said anything about getting back together at all. If you want to know the best way how to seduce your ex-boyfriend, you need to know that the less you show of your emotions and real intentions, the more chance you will have.

Get him interested but stay mysterious.

After a while he invited me to a party. As I was single, and kept on thinking about how to make him love me, I knew that this was my time. I arranged a complete makeover and turned up at the party. I went in so confident.

He never knew what hit him.

I’m here to tell you, this is a proven way to seduce your ex boyfriend.

How to Make Him Miss You and Get Your Love Back

There are many women struggling alone and are looking for ways to get their ex boyfriend back. Most women go through a break up more than once in a lifetime, but if you feel that this was the real love you found, it is hard to let it go.

Fortunately, clever women and psychologists have developed some proven methods to get him back, and all you have to do is to make him miss you. There are different techniques used, and which one you use will depend on how the relationship ended, too. If you were arguing a lot and broke up with hard feelings, you will not have much chance to win him back the normal way.

You can’t just turn back and say: “I withdraw what I just said.”

However, you can still find great ways to make him miss you and come back on his own, if you are setting up a strategy. Women are great at this, but you will have to make sure he does not see through you. If he notices that you want to win him back, he is going to try and escape. Therefore you should always behave naturally, and never show your real intentions. Don’t tell anyone about your plans, especially not their friends.

And most importantly: don’t ask him out.

If you really want to make him miss you, you will have to change some things. If you were the one who ended the relationship but changed your mind, he is going to be too proud to let you come back. You hurt his feelings, and you will have to work hard to win him back, and give them courage to make the first step. But you will be able to offer him to be friends shortly after the break up, and voila, you already have a plan in place. All you have to remember, if you really want to make him miss you, is to leave him enough space and don’t be around all the time. Otherwise he would think that you can’t live without him, and this is when men can get really self-conscious.

If you separated with hard feelings, you should make him forget about the scene. If you said something you have regretted, in order to win him back, you need to apologize first. Not as a partner, but as a friend. And offer your friendship.

If he ended the relationship, you can still change his mind and get him back. You just need to make him realize what he is missing. You can do that by changing your style, buying new clothes, having a complete makeover or getting new hobbies, friends. Anything he hasn’t known about you so far will make him think about you. And the better picture you can paint about the new, single you, the more you can make him miss you. And once he does, he will try and get back together.

You should make him interested in you again, by making him remember about the good times you spent together. This is how you can make him miss you and want to come back.

But it is important that you let him make the decision, and will not call him or beg him to come back. It will just have an adverse effect and you will never get him back.